The Surprising Discovery of my Waving Experiment
I’m doing a waving experiment while I walk and have made a surprising discovery.
We live in the country. Sometimes I don’t see any cars. But during “rush hour,” I wave several times.
4 waves:
I employ four waving techniques.
- No wave.
- Pump wave: jerking my hand skyward and yanking it down. It says, “I’m in a hurry.”
- Brief beauty queen wave: lifting my hand and gently turning my hand in the air, briefly.
- I’m glad to see you happy wave: lifting my hand and waving vigorously.
Facial expressions:
Not only am I using various waving techniques, my experiment includes three facial expressions.
- No smile.
- Grin, but no teeth.
- Smile and show teeth.
Results of wave research:
#1. No wave from me – fewer waves from drivers.
#2. The more vigorous my wave – the more vigorous their wave, generally speaking.
#3. Waves with smiles elicited more smiles.
Observation #1: The quality and extent of my influence depends on my vigor and vitality.
Observation #2: As the days pass, some drivers have seen me several times. They wave and smile before I wave and smile.
Drivers can be trained to wave and smile simply by example.
Exceptions:
One old fart wasn’t smiling before I smiled and waved. He didn’t smile after I smiled and waved. However, he lifted one finger off the steering wheel as he passed.
Observation: Some people are influence resistant. It doesn’t matter what you do, they won’t respond. It’s best to forget them and move on.
Surprise:
I experimented to see if I could influence others but ended up influencing myself.
Happiness is the result of physical action. The moment I wave and smile, the happier I feel.
Vigor and vitality multiply impact.
The more vigorously I wave and smile, the happier I feel.
Influence is about who you are and what YOU do.
What are the implications of this “research” for your leadership?
Very interesting observations. I live in a small rural farming town and it is common practice to wave at everyone. I commute 30 minutes to a bigger city to work and it is interesting to see the difference between city and rural. People in the city seem to be in a hurry and may not reciprocate; however, folks from the country are more laid back and are used to people waving so you most always get a reciprocal wave.
So true, Crystal. Maybe there are too many people in the city. All we would do is wave. So I guess if waving is a priority then you better live in the country.
Love the connection between positive physical, action and overall well-being. As someone who lives in a big city– Brooklyn, NY — in our defense, you’d lose feeling in your arm if you waved high to the 8 million people you passed each day; and please don’t wave at the drivers as you’ll likely cause an accident. HOWEVER, you often get a delayed, slightly puzzled smile and nod when you just say “Hi” as you make eye contact with a portion of the people you walk by daily. Do what you can where you are!
Good point Mary Ellen. We also do the smile and eye contact in grocery stores. People usually smile back, but not always. 🙂
Hi Dan – I really enjoyed this experiment. As a psychotherapist I do this at least 6-8 times per day. Your observations are correct. If I’m feeling highly energized and exude an upbeat manner when the session starts, then I see better outcomes. There are times when I just can’t get that one person to respond/or/smile (despite what I perceive as humor and energy). I have to realize and radically accept that it’s not about me, they simply don’t feel ok, and this is really what their “resistance” means. As a clinical manager who manages a team of therapists as well, the same holds true.
I have been a long time fan of Leadership freak – keep up the great work!
Thank you Brian. It’s so helpful to realize that a lack of response is usually about the other person. It’s always possible that we don’t see ourselves clearly and we are creating a negative response. But, if resistance is occasional, we can safely assume it’s about the other person.
I grew up in a small rural community and the “one finger off the steering wheel wave” is common, especially among the older “old fart” farmers. My dad also taught me both hands on the wheel….thus the lift one finger to wave. If you get a nod of the head…consider yourself smiled at!
Ahh, you added the nod, Karen. So true. We are from Maine and very reserved. A nod is equal to a big wave in other parts of the world.
Dan,
I hear you and see you. What Crystal references above is so true. Like you I have chosen to live rural and work where ever we go as a contractor. It truly astounds me how people walk looking down, won’t look up, smile, say hello in the cities, now granted if we start first you may get a “hello” or just a mere “grumble”, not really sure why people are so “stand offish”, surly the world needs some uplifting.
See you on another day waving “hello” !!!! Cheers to smiling and hello’s today, without the waving of the finger!
Thanks Tim! I find that being open is not natural. It requires intention. But, now that I’ve started waving, it feels more natural. We have to overcome the fake feeling and just do it.
Over the last three years, I’ve been making MORE of an effort to wave and say hello, because I want my children to be the ones to wave and say hello. And it’s true, if there’s a wave and a smile, I usually get at least a smile back. If there’s a salutation… well, that’s when things get tricky…some people quickly reply back, others, almost look stricken, like they didn’t know I could see them… or they don’t know how to respond to “Good morning.” But, when my three year old daughter says “Good morning” she almost ALWAYS gets a reply. Sometimes even a full conversation with a stranger on the street. My son has started waving, soon he’ll be saying hello too. I don’t think there could be much resistance if TWO kids were excited to say hello to you!
Thanks Erin. The most important part of your comment is that you set the example. 🙂
Great insight. I think this is why people who drive Jeeps seem happier on the road. They look for each other, they wave, they make others feel like they belong and that sparks joy. They are trained. I’m not sure if the style makes a huge difference. Whether is a finger lift or a full on wave, it’s the acknowledgement that has the impact. If my kids are in the car and we are having conversation, they will wave at the Jeepers we miss. It makes them happy too.
Thanks C. Oh… you remind me of motorcycle riders. The Harley Davidson riders acknowledge each other. I like the term acknowledge. It seems to be more expressive of the act of waving. Waving – I see you. I acknowledge you.
I work in a fairly small office environment. It astounds me how you can pass someone in the hall several times a week, smile, say hello and there are a few people who never respond. I just keep trying, but it is frustrating. Maybe I’ll try waving at them and see what happens.
Thanks Cami. Don’t let the resisters get you down. 🙂 … but maybe you could make it a challenge to see them smile. Maybe fall on the floor in front of them and roll around.
Leaders set the example–but not everyone will follow.
It’s important for leaders to establish “norms” for the group.
Leaders feel good about themselves when they live their core beliefs and values.
Passion and energy are contagious.
Thanks Paul. NORMS…now that’s a good word for habitual behaviors.
Dan–on a side note–I have a small boat. My wife and go for a ride almost every day of the summer. The norm for boaters is to always wave to other people in their boats.
“One old fart wasn’t smiling before I smiled and waved. He didn’t smile after I smiled and waved. However, he lifted one finger off the steering wheel as he passed.
Observation: Some people are influence resistant. It doesn’t matter what you do, they won’t respond. It’s best to forget them and move on.”
I disagree.I greet the same (mostly) people at the same door every Sunday. One of my personal goals is to get the quiet people to open up. And I usually succeed by being genuinely warm and showing a personal interest in them. It is a universal truth that we are our own favorite subject.
It is important to recognize that a quiet person will seldom become gregarious. Still, we all really desire to be let out of our cage, whether that cage is quiet reserve or shallow glad-handing.
Thanks kferry. I like your positive and compassionate approach. Way to go.
Had a chief that decided we had a public relations issue (and we did). He said one person in every vehicle will wave at every person you see and smile. At first we got a lot of one finger replies that I hope are not like the man you talked about. After a few weeks it started to help. After a while a few guys stopped doing it. Chief got complaints. The lesson? Don’t give what you are not willing to keep giving. Do I do that as a leader. Damage control time do I over react and then I am expected to behave the same all the time? hmm
Thanks Walt. Useful story. If someone complains about something that’s positive, should we listen to the complaint?
The “research” clearly validates the theory that leaders go first. Do not have expectations of others that you are not willing to do yourself, and to do so first by modeling those behaviors.
Living in a rural area most of my life, I have seen these behaviors in action for many years. I think of it as country life… it just is the way it is. Sending you a bright smile and hearty wave for a lovely day!
Thanks Cheryl. I apologize!! I reached to click the thumbs up and hit the down. I don’t know how to undo it!!!
Yes, go first!! Thanks again.
Dan,
If you click thumbs down by mistake, re-click it and it goes away.
My sister and I walked her dogs every evening in the neighborhood. When drivers passed us or appeared in their yards, she always waved and said “God bless your day.” At first some people just ignored her/us. After a few months, residents in their yards started waving back and shouting either “Thank you” and/or “God bless you, too.” Then drivers started to slow down as they passed us, either honking or rolling down their windows and saying hello or “Good to see you,” “Be safe walking” or “Thank you.” Some even stopped their vehicles to chat or ask how we were doing. One neighbor even jumped out of his car and gave us reflective vests so drivers could see us better in the dark. My sis became something of a celebrity in the neighborhood!
Wow!! Thank you for sharing your story. I love it. I get the feeling of positive trajectory. … Leaders create positive trajectory by their positive example.
Hi Dan!
Somehow I suspect you’re not that surprised by any of these results. 😏
Your posts uplift and ground my team all at the same time. Thank you!
Cathy Cheng
Thanks Cathy. I expected a correlation between vigor and response. I was surprised that some people started waving before I waved. 🙂 … Best wishes to you and your team.
You didn’t clarify what finger 🙂
This is great! Also grew up on a smaller community, then moved to the big city were there are more old farts than I prefer, although some are not that old. I work in a resort environment where smiling and greetings are expected, but it when it comes to my employees, who need to focus on the guest, I try to make eye contact and smile when walking past. The bigger my smile, or the more I make a big deal out if, the bigger they smile in return, which then influences the guest experience. This is especially useful when I see the employee is ‘not’ smiling during a guest interaction. It’s like a covert signal. I see you, I’m glad to see you, I’m glad you see me, but the guest comes first and we do not want to pull focus away from them with a wave. It’s a technique I’ve never thought about teaching thought so this will be a topic at our next meeting. Thanks!
The environment within a workplace is made up of people working together and making decisions together. We can’t help but to try to follow those around us. Either consciously or subconsciously we make decisions based on our experiences and the reactions that we expect from others. This post you have about waving in different manners and soliciting different responses is gold. It is perfectly applicable to the workplace in particularly how health and safety is viewed. Our influences of today can manifest the accidents of tomorrow.
About a year ago we moved from Charlotte NC to the town where my wife grew up, Hartsville SC. I wave to all motorists when i walk our dog, Toto the Terriorist.” In Charlotte, hardly anyone waved back. In Hartsville, pretty much everyone does. Here, many motorists will initiate the wave exchange. Just another reason I like living here.
My husband greets people on the street, he waves at random people often and he will signal for people to drive ahead of him at a stop street or in traffic.
I, on the other hand, don’t wave or greet often.
He does get many waves and smiles. I get none.