Treat People as They Are – Not as You Are
It’s frustrating to expect people to be like you when they are like them.
Understanding and accepting people is leadership’s missed opportunity.
Don’t be so busy with goals and plans that you forget that people get things done.
Understand Values:
Values energize behaviors, drive commitments, and produce satisfaction.
There’s a woman on my team who loves to help people feel they belong. It’s a thing of beauty to see her expressing her value.
You frustrate and demotivate teammates when you violate their values.
You respect and energize teammates when you help them express their values.
Understand Doers:
Doers need a clear goal and reasonable plan. Once a doer sees the path forward, they’re dynamos. Before a Doer sees the path forward, they seem like anchors.
Warning:
Beware of disillusioned Doers. They’ll sabotage others to prove they’re right. They’ll pull back, let others fail, and then say, “See, I told you so.”
Understand Dreamers:
Dreamers love ideas, jump quickly, and sometimes flame out.
Invite them to explore new ideas.
Warning:
Beware dreamers who start too many things and finish too few.
Understand Introverts:
Quiet introverts enjoy time to reflect. If you want an introvert to move forward, give them time to think.
Understand Extroverts:
Aggressive extroverts respond to kind but firm instruction. It’s not anger, but confidence that reaches aggressive extroverts.
Talk it through with extroverts.
Understand four people principles:
- Adapt where you can. Confront where you must.
- The way you treat people reflects who YOU are. Fearful leaders tend toward self-protective responses. Authentic leaders speak up with courage and kindness.
- Always seek the best interest of others, especially when confronting or correcting.
- Practice kind candor, forward-facing curiosity, and courageous transparency with all. Humility is the secret to effective candor, curiosity, and transparency.
What types of people might leaders encounter?
What tips do you have for success with people?
Wow. This is right on. Love the opening “It’s frustrating to expect people to be like you when they are like them.” Reminds me of a book I read long ago – Why Can’t You be Normal Like Me?” Yes, others are different, and we often need their gifts and strengths – and they need ours. Makes for a strong team – family, workplace, marriage, church, neighborhood.
Thanks Peter. Great book title. It’s normal to use ourselves as the standard to judge others. It’s a bit limiting, but still it’s normal.
It’s takes self-awareness to see our own limited view and courage to pursue diversity.
What types of people might leaders encounter? Intriguing question, can be simple or complex or anywhere between.
What tips do you have for success with people?
Be genuine with them and up front.
You said it right; Understanding and accepting people is leadership’s missed opportunity. Let’s broaden this to–understanding and accepting people is a missed opportunity. Every time that we understand and accept less, pain ensues. When there is pain, misunderstandings are magnified and then unity, harmony, and love is forgotten.
What tips do you have for success with people?
Get over yourself. Very few of us are as important as we might think. We all are dealing with the struggles of daily life. And, if you’re like me, frequently wrong about other people due to my own egotistical blindness. I find removing me from the equation helps. I can focus on what is good about others, not what I think or feel is good.
Typing people is the first thing NOT to do … these descriptors are only indicators, not identifiers …
Humility requires, “As soon as you think you know, you don’t.”
And the past is far more instructive to “forward facing” comprehension than we give it credit for,
it informs your understanding of their values (in action rather than as stated).
“Meet the Buddha, Slay the Buddha.”
The beauty of life is in the differences we each face in life. Nice piece, Dan.
Every person needs to feel appreciated for who they are and who they might grow into being.As Joseph Campbell wrote “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” I would add the gift we give to others is by acknowledging and accepting who they are.As leaders we encounter many people fearful of revealing themselves as they are.We also encounter gems who have a healthy sense of self esteem and who in turn help others to develop confidence and courage. Pauline
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A team is like an orchestra, every one has their part to play. Therefore people are different by design. If the conductor thinks everyone should be like him there leaves no room for people to develop their potential in their strengths.
Love that – “A team is like an orchestra, every one has their part to play. … If the conductor thinks everyone should be like him,” there would be no music.
Ditto on the orchestra analogy. I’ve always believed (or hoped) that folks could play their best together and follow the music sheets, with the conductor (quietly) leading the musicians.
I love your straightforward style. Thanks for the reminders.
This is a great piece, appreciate people for who they are. Everyone’s uniqueness contributes to the success of a group of people! if everyone was the same their wouldn’t be diverse thinking or new ways of thinking.