An Exercise Guaranteed to Ignite Growth in Anyone
You need affirmation, but if you want to grow, seek discomfort.
Comfort affirms. Discomfort transforms.
Today’s challenge is as difficult as it is simple. Seek advice from an imperfect boss or colleague. If you’re feeling brave, seek advice from your spouse or children. But there’s more.
Commit to do whatever they advise.
Examples:
“I’d like to fuel energy on the team. What advice do you have? Before you answer, I want you to know that I’ll do whatever you say for a week.”
“I’d like to live a more meaningful life. I wonder what advice you have for me. Before you answer, I want you to know that I’ll do whatever you say for a week.”
“I’d like to get better at holding people accountable. What do you suggest I do? Before you answer, I want you to know that I’ll do whatever you say for a week.”
Rational:
- Shake things up once in a while or you’ll sink into ruts.
- The phrase, “I’ll do whatever you say,” changes the dynamic for the advice giver.
- “I’ll do whatever you say,” humbles you. Everything good in leadership begins with humility.
This exercise shows who you trust. I found that I don’t trust as many people as I thought. Maybe I need to deepen some of my relationships?
Guidelines:
#1. Declare an intention before seeking advice.
What could I do this week to:
- Develop new relationships?
- Deepen current relationships?
- Become a better leader? (Spouse, friend, boss.)
- Move my career forward?
- Encourage my team?
- Fulfill my vision for life?
- Serve you/my team?
#2. Set a short time limit, perhaps a day or a week.
#3. Regardless of the question you craft, commit to do whatever they tell you, before they respond.
How might leaders implement this growth exercise?
I had a boss once whose advice under similar circumstances was to “…go boil your head!”
Luckily I didn’t commit to taking his advice!
Thanks Mitch. Just goes to show, don’t do this with someone you don’t trust. This exercise shows me that I don’t trust that many people.
Good thoughts, Dan. LOTS of people need to integrate this framework into their thinking.
Thanks Dr. Scott. I know it makes me uncomfortable. So if discomfort transforms, I’m more likely to grow when I practice this.
WOW Dan just slap me on Monday. I don’t know if I trust anyone that much. That is making me revisit my trust issues. Why don’t I trust my team leaders, my chief, wife (yep I went there).
Hi Dan,
Thanks for the many great thoughts,
This exercise requires commitment to discomfort and reflection on daily progress for the short term .I believe comfort with discomfort and reflection are essential leadership skills.
I plan to use this with my Doctoral Candidates next week as an out of class assignment in the work or home settings. They will report back at the next class .Being the leader of this group I will participate as well. This should be a great learning experience for all!
Thanks
John
You’re absolutely correct, Dan. Discomfort does transform. After almost ten years of discomfort or “learning to live with ambiguity” as the senior leader of my agency said, it is about to transform a lot of us – into retirees. The brain drain is going to be enormous.
Thanks Dan! What a great way to becoming more humble and improving yourself. I so appreciate your insights and am very grateful for your connection!
I love this type of approach to life, and anyone whom knows me, knows, I would go all on with an exercise like this. Therein lies the challenge however, the individual whom is hungry for growth, self discovery, self mastery, expansion, will push themselves and chase their fears. The individuals whom actually need this, just wont do it. Ref – Dr, Jordan Peterson’s ‘Understand Myself’ personality / psychometric assessment. I have applied it to my own life, staff and personal relationship. People don’t change, and if they do, it takes huge self discipline, relentless determination to improve/change just 5%.
I would be super excited and delighted to read any feedback, on success stories on individuals applying this approach. 🔐
So simple – yet so life and growth affirming!