How to Manage and Maximize Gifted Jerk-Holes
Fitting in is unsophisticated self-sabotage, but effectively standing out requires finesse.
“None of us is dumb as all of us.” Astronaut Mark Kelly*
Gifted jerk-holes:
Like black holes, jerk-holes suck life out of the universe.
Incompetent jerk-holes are easy; remove them. But gifted jerk-holes might be worth the trouble.
Authenticity as excuse:
Destructive jerk-holes excuse tramping on others with, “I’ve got to be me.”
Authenticity isn’t an excuse for self-important self-service.
10 ways to maximize gifted jerk-holes:
- If you want to stand out, rise above conformity.
- Notice, honor, and encourage useful uniqueness.
- Don’t expect gifted jerk-holes to magically change. They’re full of themselves. They have little room for others.
- Find ways to maximize their genius without destroying teams, when possible.
- Assign gifted jerk-holes to individual projects.
- Limit jerk-holes to their unique area of responsibility. They DON’T know what everyone else should do.
- Focus their involvement and contribution on narrow areas.
- Explain how they damage teams, but change comes slowly, if at all.
- Say, “No,” clearly and forcefully when appropriate.
- Practice conversational turn-taking to maximize team effectiveness. (Juvenile Jerk-holes struggle with turn-taking.)
Don’t flaunt unique qualities; use them in service to others.
Warnings and tips:
Self-important jerk-holes make demands but don’t affirm others.
Reject people who ooze with endless demands. They’re constantly disappointed and dissatisfied but pleased with their inadequate selves.
Avoid incompetent jerk-holes. Try to manage gifted jerk-holes.
Gifted jerk-holes make teams stupid and ineffective. Collective intelligence requires individual uniqueness, but the number one contributor to smart teams is social intelligence.
The person who flaunts their ‘preciousness’ needs acceptance and approval. Emotional juveniles pout to manipulate and bully in response to resistance. (The person who is “right” never feels like a bully.)
Infantile giftedness serves itself and devalues others.
How might gifted jerk-holes damage teams and organizations?
What suggestions do you have for managing gifted jerk-holes?
‘A– Hole Survival Guide: 9 Tips for Dealing with Jerks (Today)
How to Deal with a Jerk Boss – Simon Sinek (YouTube)
Competent Jerks, Loveable Fools, and the Formation of Social Networks (HBR)
A Field Guide to Jerks at Work (Washington Post)
(*Reported by James Cornell in comments.)
Dealing with jerks
–Name the behavior. “You’re yelling. You’re interrupting. Do you mean to?”
–Establish ground rules. Simple rules, such as, “No yelling. No interruptions when speaking. I’ll listen to you, but then you have to listen to me,” can be quite effective.
–Paraphrase what they are saying. Jerks aren’t used to people really listening to them.
–if they show any openness–coach them on the importance of building positive relationships with co-workers. Building relationships requires them to be open, listen, and fully consider the ideas and feelings of others.
Thanks Paul. It looks like you’ve dealt with some jerks. 🙂
Really listen to a jerk is my favorite. They often over-state and then push back when they encounter resistance. I’ve found it helpful, as you indicate, to take them seriously. “How do you suggest we do that?” “What role would you like to play in moving this forward?”
I’ve found that jerks are good at telling people what to do. But the gifted jerks also know how to get it done.
The squeaky wheel seems to get the grease at work. On the farm, when one wheel squeaked, you got the grease gun and greased them all, because all the wheel bearings are likely dry, not just the squeaky one. It takes all the wheels to carry the load at harvest.
Thanks Duane. The idea that leaders might neglect the wheels that aren’t squeaking is so valuable. There is a tendency to spend too much time with “problem people” and not enough time with people who don’t seem to need attention. This short-term strategy results in burned out high performers.
It’s kind of like managing a magical power (ha!). I’ve had a few gifted jerk-holes work on my teams over the course of my professional life. The most impact I’ve ever made as a Manager of said jerk-holes is to empower their abilities (gifted part) while making them part of a larger project or change management process. There is some sort of humility with a gifted jerk-hole has to be part of a larger team, contribute to the process and be part of the wins/losses with the team. The jerk part of this equation has really shown to me as a Manager when there was an individual contribution only and the jerk-hole was on their own for contribution- even in a competitive environment with their peers.
Easier said than done, I understand. Often times the gift of the jerk-hole is their ability to individually contribute, i.e. Sales Professional. Similarly, that person’s role may not lend itself to a team environment. Where there is a will, there is a way. A jerk can be toxic to a team or group, by empowering the jerk to help others and leverage their gift to assist the greater good can be an opportunity.
I have known quite a few gifted jerk-holes in my life, most of whom (although gifted) have no reason to act they way that they do. They ruin the team dynamic by always speaking their mind, and speaking over others in the group. It can make for very messy meetings and projects. Setting ground rules and giving them a specific task to do seems to work the best, as to not derail the project, while still maintaining that persons ego (which makes them easier to work with!).