5 Things Great Leaders Don’t Do
One short outburst produces surprising turbulence and distrust.
A small offense causes disproportionate harm.
Advantage:
Because bad is stronger than good, you gain disproportionate advantage when you eliminate bad.
Eliminate language that holds you back:
Running with two feet on the ground takes you further than hopping with one foot in your mouth.
Self-harm is unintended unless you’re a complete idiot, but our ability to self-sabotage with our words is remarkable.
Foolish words make the climb longer and the hill steeper.
#1. Don’t celebrate the misfortune of others.
Don’t:
- Explain what should have been done, after screwups happen.
- Say, “I knew that wouldn’t work.”
Malevolence toward the misfortune of others disqualifies you from leadership.
Empathy expands leadership.
#2. Don’t belittle incompetence.
Don’t:
- Point out the reason someone is failing but refuse to get your hands dirty helping.
- Make negative comparisons between team members.
- Nit-pick what’s wrong.
- Talk BIG about yourself and small about others.
#3. Don’t manipulate people with compliments.
Manipulative language devalues the hearer and the speaker. The hill is easier when you respect the people beside you.
#4. Don’t repeatedly talk about the failures and offenses of others.
Don’t harp on offenses. Harping makes reconciliation unlikely.
Do confront issues quickly and move on.
Skillful leaders strengthen relationships between team members. Incompetent leaders fuel tension and turbulence.
#5. Don’t affirm high performing jerk-holes.
The people you tolerate, defend, and support create the culture you experience.
When you affirm jerk-holes you devalue relationship and demotivate generous behavior.
5 ways to get a grip on words:
- Relationships improve exponentially when you stop speaking harshly. (The Power of Bad)
- A strong urge to speak signals the wisdom of inquiry.
- Use words to strengthen relationships between team members.
- Lower your voice when you feel like raising it. Project calm resolve.
- Silence your tongue when you feel like flapping it.
What self-destructive words/behaviors hinder a leader’s success?
What self-destructive words/behaviors hinder a leader’s success?
Words that are delivered from a source of anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, revenge, etc.
Nailed it Paul. My experience is when I act in the emotions you mention I harm myself and others. I also justify the pain I cause by blaming others.
Good morning, Dan! This quote made my day…. Running with two feet on the ground takes you further than hopping with one foot in your mouth! Leading is hard.
Thanks Lisa. Leading is hard and, I find that putting my foot in my mouth is easy.
“Lower your voice when you feel like raising it. Project calm resolve.” I like this one overall. When you are in a “discussion” and someone is raising their voice, talk quietly and more quietly, they will naturally lower their voice as a result. It is actually quite effective. When my children were young I told them when your Chinese Mom goes all Chinese mom raising her voice in Mandarin at you (cause that’s how the tones go) speak back in English and do it in a quiet voice and watch her voice level lower. They did not believe me until they did it and saw it works. So lowering our voice can naturally diffuse.
Thanks Roger. Great story. You remind me that we have to resolve hot emotion before we solve tough problems. People in emotional heat focus on emotional heat. Calm people are better able to focus on resolving issues.
Great post this morning Dan! It reminds me of a quote I refer to often …
“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” That means being consistently pleasant all the time. – Noted English hostess Lady Dorothy Nevill
Thanks Mark. Great quote. Leaving something unsaid takes humility. Perhaps that’s why I have often said things that shouldn’t be said. 🙂
I’m learning to ask, “what does your caring self tell you to do next?”
‘Because bad is stronger than good, you gain disproportionate advantage when you eliminate bad.’ – Wow… a very strong perspective… stronger the BAD greater the advantage of eliminating it…
For some of the mentally ill who may read your column, “Self-harm is unintended unless you’re a complete idiot” is untrue and maybe even a little dangerous. Self-harm is more like a compulsion they wish they could shake. I know that this is not at all what you meant by self-harm.
Thanks for jumping in Wretch. You are so right and I certainly hope that people understand my intent. However, I’m still glad you jumped into the conversation. Be well