How Painful Experiences Changed the Trajectory of a Fortune 300 CEO
Being fired changed the trajectory of a former CEO of Campbell Soup Co.
Doug Conant walked in and got unexpectedly fired from his job as the Director of Marketing for Parker Brothers. Doug said, “I hadn’t done anything wrong. But I hadn’t done enough right.”
Being fired isn’t the end. It’s a beginning.
The question is, “How do you get the most from painful experiences?”
The dark side of painful experience:
When painful things happen, intrusive thoughts beat you down. You experience anxiety, distress, anger, or bitterness. Researchers call this “post traumatic depreciation” (PTD).
Painful experiences devolve into intrusive problem-centric thinking. But “post traumatic growth” (PTG) is another option.
Painful experience as growth-opportunity:
How painful setbacks changed Doug Conant.
When you lose your job, you lose some of yourself.
You naturally obsess over negative experiences. But PTG happens when you get a grip on your thinking.
Losing yourself is an opportunity to find yourself.
Neil MacKenna, an outplacement counselor, asked Doug to handwrite his life story. The process of reflection changed the trajectory of Doug’s leadership.
Doug Conant on the power of writing his life story:
Painful experience is an opportunity to think about yourself, others, and leadership in new ways.
Intentional reflection answers intrusive thoughts.
Life story exercise:
Write your life story and talk it over with a trusted advisor or colleague.
- What memories come back most frequently?
- How have highlights and lowlights shaped you?
- What were some of your biggest goals?
- What parts of your story felt most fulfilling?
- When were you selfless or courageous?
- When do you wish you had acted with greater courage?
(Adapted from, “The Blueprint,” by Doug Conant.)
Doug’s work is deeply connected to the practice of self-reflection. But the Blueprint process includes six steps.
- Envision.
- Reflect.
- Study.
- Plan.
- Practice.
- Improve.
How has painful experience changed you?
How might leaders help others get the most from painful experience?
Purchase, The Blueprint: 6 Practical Steps to Lift Your Leadership to New Heights.
Doug on twitter: @DougConant
Doug on Linkedin: Doug Conant
Losing yourself is an opportunity to find yourself. What a great and motivating quote. You nailed on me today Dan.
This has not happened to me…yet. I have been looked over for promotions and not gotten new jobs for which I applied, but I have never been fired. I am terrified of this. Can we do this work now to ease the transition if/when something happens?
Emily, I was right there with you. Laid off from a job. Thought I was a failure, I got an F at work. Reality was different. There was a business reason for the change and I “fell up” to a position I enjoy and I add value.
My suggestion is to do a self assessment. What makes you wonderful (kind of like the life story Dan suggests). Also, it’s good to financially prepare for the unexpected. Have a good savings plan, then you are ready if something does happen.
Either way, you are the same person when you have a job and when you don’t. Stay true to who you are and the anxiety of the day may be easier to manage.
Thank you for putting a name to PTD and PTG. The definition could not have described better what I was feeling when it happened to me. It took me a couple of years to get on grip on what I feeling and to turn it around. While I continued to have a successful life immediately following my termination, the real turn around came when I was asked to return. The years I was gone were ones of reflection, practice, envisioning and self and professional improvement. Then pain of 23 years ago still resonates with me, but my success in my return would have not been so profound had I not experienced the pain of the past. I am now inching closer to the age where people consider retirement. My Board of Directors, my professional cohorts and our community partners are now telling, asking, and inspiring me to stay as long as possible. I think this is one of the most important topics I have ever come across that tells my story. Thank you so much!
Every set back is an opportunity for a come back!
Dan–good stuff.
How might leaders help others get the most from painful experience?
1. Help people face reality.
2. Help people analyze the stories and self-talk they engage in. Separate what’s accurate from what’s inaccurate.
3. Identify specific changes that need to be made. Develop a plan.
I like Doug’s six steps. Good framework.
This is such a valuable post and topic — if I could pass one ability on to my children it would be the ability to understand set-backs in a learning/growing way — sadly folks often become mired in anger, “I should have’s”, and victim like thinking..
The timing of this is perfect for me – I was laid off mid-February with absolutely no warning or hints… You do question yourself… I have come to the same conclusion Doug did – I did not do anything wrong, but I did not do enough right. While I have never been one for self-reflection before, I have found it to be invaluable in this situation! Thank you so much for this post.
Thank you, Dan for another inspiring post and for enlightening us about PTD. I have been let go in the past due to ad agencies’ downsizing or closing…or a change of creative directors who replaced us with their own comrades. It was traumatic. In 2010 when a global medical device company cut 4,000 of us worldwide, at least they gave us good severance packages and paid for job coaching. As a senior citizen, after sending out 600 resumes and going to interviews, finally I landed a position for far less pay with a nonprofit/land grant organization that treats us well and has excellent benefits. And I earned a Master’s degree. Sometimes life traumas are like grit to an oyster—we can take something that affects us negatively and turn it into a gem.
“Post Traumatic Growth” I absolutely love the idea of this! My industry is not very kind to women in general, so I have experienced a lot of traumatizing events over time. Survival dictates that I must keep moving forward. The concept of Post Traumatic Growth could challenge me to dig a bit deeper and take some control of my own life back, instead of simply playing the victim constantly. My past has been so brutal that I avoid reflection, but I see this is a necessary step that I will need to take in order to move forward. Great advice!
I think the only way to push forward after any painful experience is to re-evaluate, find the hidden silver lining, and take chances. So many experiences come to mind. The first being having failed a class in undergrad. I was devastated- at the time my mom was sick (she is fine now!) and I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend which, at the time, seemed like the end of the world. I couldn’t focus and my schoolwork suffered. But I twisted the experience into a positive. I later applied to grad school and made my personal statement about overcoming the failure. How it did not kill me, it didn’t define who I was, and it was not going to stop me from pursuing what I wanted to do. If anything, it liberated me to allow myself to take more risk, knowing that if I failed, I could always try again.
I met the friendly face of failure once again when I was fired from a job. It was working in a hospital that encouraged billing as much as we could for minimal services to increase productivity, and ultimately, revenue. I was the only person to speak up with my reservations about this new recommended “process.” Although I will never know the true reasoning for why it occurred (my performance reviews were stellar) I don’t regret standing up for my beliefs, even though there was the possibility of failure. This event then propelled me into more change. I applied to law school and am now earning a JD/MPH and hope to better the health administration systems that exist so no one else has to face this type of failure in the future.
I think leaders should encourage failure in the sense that they should encourage. (healthy) risk. Without failing we don’t know what is a success, and some failures end up being or leading to a success you could never envision without the push of such failure.
Painful experiences can occur in many different shapes whether it’s through relationships, work, school, accidents, and so forth. But what is the beauty of life if we don’t learn from these experiences? Who knew the saying, “when life gives you lemons” would be utilized so frequently in life! At the time of a painful experience, I found myself doubting everything about my life. We experience anger, regret, sadness, denial, doubt, but eventually gain acceptance. Our ego most of all is questioned as we experience pain.
There were moments in life where I let something so painful define who I was. My mind was engulfed in the idea that the traumatic experience would ruin me and that I would not be able to recover from it. These experiences allow us to learn who we are, where we struggled, and how we overcame. I find painful experiences to be monumental events in life where it allows us to take a moment to pause and reflect amongst ourselves. It can either be the downfall of us or be used to fuel our existence and continue moving forward. With time and support, it humbled who I was and allowed for self-growth. Looking back at certain moments, I can now be proud of how I improved from the challenge and thank life for the lesson I’ve been able to learn.