The Amtrak Fiasco
Emotion is a fickle mistress.
I’m writing this from a hotel where I hadn’t planned to stay. At first, I was angry at Amtrak for canceling the train. When I laid down last night, I was thankful for Hilton. And I was sad that I wouldn’t see my wife until later today. All at the same time.
Don’t go with your feelings.
The decision you most regret is made in the heat of emotion.
Emotion and fatigue:
Emotion is fickle because it’s physical. Fatigue is permission for frustration, for example.
I made it out of New York City last night but it wasn’t easy. The first winter storm of the season slowed transportation to a crawl.
I ended up jumping out of the cab and hoofing it over a mile through the sleet and slush to Penn Station. I was on the 655 Amtrak that went to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. We made it to Philadelphia but they canceled the train!
It’s OK to be frustrated, but it’s not OK to yell at an Amtrak employee who is just doing their best.
Emotion and values:
Susan David*, author of Emotional Agility, suggests emotion is an opportunity to reflect on your values. I value being with my wife. The weather got in the way. What can I do? Call and talk on the phone.
What can you do that best expresses your values?
How can you show up as the person you aspire to be?
*World Business Forum 2018 in NYC put on by WOBI.
What role does emotion play in leadership?
P.S. The Amtrak employees were very compassionate.
Hi Dan and all,
I got caught in all that chaos last night. 3:00pm left the office. 7:30pm washed up in Hoboken in a pub looking for hotels that were all booked except some scary ones. I was mad at the highway department, grateful for a parking spot to ditch the car and stumble to a safe warm haven. The rest of the night I spent considering the plight of displaced people all over the world who are stuck and stranded for years with no highway dept to write letters to and tweet at. Get home safe ya’ll
Cheers,
Cate
Hi Cate,
You are so right. We are so fortunate. The troubles of bad weather, missed trains, and scary hotels are small in the scheme of things. That’s the trouble with emotion. It’s not very logical.
Thankful I had a warm bed, quiet room, and nice breakfast!
Cheers
Cate says it well, put some context in your circumstances. We are fortunate where we live what we do and our “unusual events” most of the world would gladly substitute themselves for us. When younger I let my emotions thru my frustrations but what did that get me, more frustrated. Let the emotions out against something not someone in someway then take a breath step back smile and say it could be worse. I’ve found peace in that way. Does that approach fix the outside “unusual event” no, but it fixes me inside.
Thanks Roger. I’m so glad you shared a bit of your story. And yes! Our “pain points” are first world pain points. We freak out when the flight get’s canceled. Many would love to spend a night in an airport where it’s warm and safe.
When I wrote this post, I, like you and Cate, realized that this is a small thing.
So telling stories and how to respond, frustration and all. Its July of 1981 I am 24 years old and I am in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I was working in Argentina starting up a Steel Mill in San Nicholas (about 4 hours North of the Capital). I had to go to the Capital to renew my Work visa. It was a Sunday and I was returning via Train going North. I got on the wrong train (the express) and suddenly found that out when the seat i was in someone else had a ticket. The conductor came over explained the situation and said Senor we don’t stop at your town and we don’t stop until 100 KM north of there. So I am freaking out and a very nice older man and his wife (who both spoke very little english) came over and said “we have an idea to help you” . They said the train slows down to about 10KMH in the city 40 miles north of where i needed to get off. They said you should be able to jump off and catch a bus back to San Nicholas. I was freaking out, they said calm down, they gave me food and drink, the train car we were in was full of very earthy people, chickens, pigs, kids, etc. Four hours later after hearing everyone’s family story, singing many songs and two bottles of wine I was able to jump off the train as suggested and get a bus ride back to where I needed to be. A whole lot of very nice simply folk helped out a frustrated young gringo with a solution to a challenge and they showed me how to handle frustration in the right manner. That day sticks with me as does the kindness shown me.
Thanks Roger. So powerful. It seems that the more we have the more we expect. I would love seeing you jump from the train! Sounds like a scene in a movie.
I recently shared at a Lean Conference about the lost power of kindness and gratitude. It takes little to execute these but today’s pace and “what about me” society pulls us away from our very design. Not only are kindness and gratitude rare, the person changed the most by having these as authentic, consistent habits, is typically ourselves. Thanks for sharing the additional power of reflection when things are going how we like. Certainly in the challenges, who we are and those values will be what comes out.
Thanks Rick. You comment reminded me of one of the Amtrak employees. She looked at me and said, “I’m sorry.” Her eyebrows when up. She had a genuine look of concern and compassion. It’s powerful.
The thing about strong emotion is it’s good to NOT act on it too quickly. After a good night’s sleep, I’m excited to see my wife and finish the trip home to Williamsport. The world looks different.
It’s also humbling to remember that my problems are pretty small.
Cheers.
“How can you show up as the person you aspire to be?” That’s the essential question. The good news is, we already are that person at our core, our place of essence. That place where the fearful ego never wanders.The place from which Amtrak employees were doing their job with compassion, despite the fact that they must have been inconvenienced too. When we are in alignment with our essential being — thinking, speaking, acting from a place of love rather than fear — we are whole. That is the true meaning of integrity. And even a frigging snowstorm that brings the Northeast corridor to a complete halt can be experienced with equanimity and joy. That’s what I aspire to. I simply hope I’ll be dressed properly!
Thanks Kim. Speaking of being dressed. I had a pair of sneakers on. I wasn’t prepared. My feet got soaked!! Oh poor me. 😉 No hat. No gloves.
My mind continues to go back to the importance of rest. You can never be at your best when you’re fatigued. Yes, sometimes it’s unavoidable. It’s important to notice what’s happening and not get hijacked by it.
Grateful for you Dan and for your readers’ reflections on gratitude…humbled to hear everyone’s positive and empowering messages of hope in the face of annoying adversity.
Thanks Jim. Lot’s of great people read LF. It’s always great to read the comments. Especially on a day like today.
Your use of annoying is perfect. What happened to many of us one East Coast was an annoyance. 🙂
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I don’t travel very much any more, but I remember vividly the times when my plans were disturbed significantly. I tend to go into a hyper alert state at those times because I’m mindful that everyone’s emotions are high and there are sometimes opportunities to make interesting connections. If you don’t mind, I’ll share here:
One time I remember was an early flight from Detroit to Washington, D.C. Just before boarding an announcement was made that the “radar” in our flight path was not working, so there would be a significant delay. I saw the line of disgruntled people start to form and listened to the yelling and complaining. I decided to get in line and when it came my turn, I just thanked the airline employees profusely for not flying without radar and asked them to pass the message along. I got alot of strange looks from people in the line and smiles from the airline employees. I want happy employees when I am in their care.
Another time, because a flight had to turnaround, land and be rescheduled, I managed to get put in a seat next to a General in the U.S. Army (I think he was a 5-star General in charge of Ft. Belvoir). I worked for an environmental consulting firm at the time and he had just had some trouble with an environmental issue from wherever he had been travelling. I got his business card and the firm I worked with ended up actually getting work from him.
I have never traveled near as much as you, though, so I imagine it is a bit different and more frusrating. My limited experience has resulted in me looking for synchronistic events for lack of a better term.
Wonderful stories Kathy. Hopefully we all learn to let go of things that are outside our control. Nothing like traveling to teach that lesson. But, sometimes I need to re-learn. 🙂
So I got back to the 30th Street Amtrak station this morning. Just to be sure I was good to go, I got in the line for tickets. When my turn at the window came a wonderful “experienced” Amtrak employee asked if she could help. Her silver gray hair glistened against her black skin.
I told her I was on the 655 that got canceled last night. Is this ticket good for today. She said, Oh I’m sorry you stood in the line. You didn’t need to. I said, “Well at least I got to talk to you.” She beamed.
I saw so many great people during this last travel adventure. It seemed like there were lots of smiles everywhere I looked.
Thanks again for sharing your stories.
Re your question,”What role does emotion play in leadership?”
Even before “emotional intelligence” escaped the field of psychological research and became a topic of general leadership interest in the late ’90s, many in leadership roles had already recognized the two-edged sword that emotion presents. On the one hand, emotions such as passion, enthusiasm, and commitment must be openly expressed -even celebrated- within the organization. Other emotions, with more negative connotations, obviously must be tamed, controlled and channeled in constructive directions else they hamper leadership effectiveness. The importance of emotional intelligence is, unfortunately, still overlooked by many in leadership positions.
One of the first steps is to gain an accurate perception of our own emotions, then seeking the same awareness of others’ emotions. Only then can we correctly recognize the signals that are sent, consciously or unconsciously, by our emotions and the impact those signals have on work relationships that either facilitate or hamper leadership. Leaders must manage their emotions and teach others to manage theirs.
One of the things I like about this blog is that you regularly touch on various concepts like self-awareness, self-control, empathy, trust, motivation, and others that are essential to the practice of emotional intelligence.
The “travails” and occasional inconveniences of contemporary travel make me more appreciative of my pioneer ancestors and the obstacles they had to overcome getting from place to place absent the modern transportation infrastructure we enjoy today!
so true Dan, Nothing like not being prepared! for whatever reason we leave our guard down and not heed the warnings, not me, we won’t have 8″ of sleet and slop, reality punches between the eyes and says “Why didn’t you listen”? we become so entranced in ourselves we forget about others, their pains and sorrows are there we just need to remain calm and steady the course. “We only control what we can control”, beyond that it’s ‘a merry go round”! 🙂
One of the worst counselings I ever gave someone was after 3 consecutive 14 hour days with little sleep in between. I was stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated and everything in between. Given the type of counseling it was, there was legality and mental health challenges as well. I definitely was not in the right state of mind to deliver this counseling to an already fragile employee.
Unfortunately, I am still living with the consequences of the words I said and failed to say… It is easy for me to blame my emotions and fatigue but the reality is, in a leadership position you will sometimes have to operate in this state. That is not a good excuse, especially when peoples lives depend on the things you do and say.
Thanks for the great article!
Roger,
That is a great story! I try to look at such obstacles as an adventure. Our daily routine gets boring after a while and these events give us something to talk to and bond with other humans. The people helping each other, the buzz around the office with everyone’s stories, and everyone having had the same life challenge last evening brings people closer together. Now you have a great story and fond memories from a situation that started out as (and could have remained) very frustrating.
-Christin
Great posts, everyone! I have not traveled much in the last eight years, but recall a comment my wonderful sister made when we had to fly from Indianapolis to Utica, NY for my father’s funeral and burial. We literally had to run through the Pittsburgh airport to make our flight connection because the airline had switched terminals, and she and her husband had their toddler and their 12-year old son with disabilities in tow. My dad’s remains were in cargo. We were out of breath from running, stressed, tired and worried we’d miss our connection. On the shuttle bus ride, my sister exclaimed, “I sure hope Dad is having more fun than we are.” We started laughing hysterically, which prompted some fellow passengers to laugh with us and others to wonder if we had lost our minds. My sis is adept at de-fusing stressful situations like this and helping us temper our tendencies to get upset and be impatient or ungrateful.
Hi Dan,
It’s often the personal stories and experiences that provide the best leadership lessons. It’s your personal anecdotes that I derive the most pointed reminders and lessons.
Thank you!
Hi Dan,
I went to Penn Station by subway on that day which was not so bad, but my train had a delay of 3 hours.
I had the same type of reflections, I was mad, tired and my phone was out of battery, which I couldn’t even look up to the world, as you can imagine there weren’t outlets available in Penn Station with that chaos…
Also my feet were freezing and wet,…can you imagine me walking in the streets of NYC with high heels!!!!!
Well I looked around and thought there were nothing I can do, and I had my book signed from Arianna Huffington, Thrive, I had the opportunity to read it almost all of it!
Really it is a great book!
Take care
Ana
It’s a tad off topic but this reminds me of something another author said in a book I was reading recently, I paraphrase, ‘Ultimately, the person who maintains the greatest degree of emotional control over themselves wins.’