How to Experience the Vitality of Being True to Yourself
The #1 regret of the dying is, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
The only way to be true to yourself is to clearly know and actively live your values.
The trajectory of effective decision-making is more about values than lists of pros and cons.
True to yourself:
Meaningful leadership is contributing in ways that align with your values.
Vitality is the result of being true to yourself. Persistent monotony means you’re habitually doing stuff that doesn’t matter to you.
7 questions to experience vitality through values:
#1. Notice strong negative reactions. What drives you crazy? Why?
#2. Think of something you’re putting off. What do you fear losing?
#3. Think of work that doesn’t feel like work. What are you really accomplishing?
#4. What makes you proud of yourself? What are you doing when you let yourself down?
#5. Reflect on work that jazzes you up. What do you gain by doing that type of work?
#6. What makes hard work meaningful?
Development and growth are deeply held values for me. Hard work has meaning when viewed through the lens of development and growth. I let myself down when I neglect my daily practice of writing, for example.
Speaking and coaching are opportunities to develop myself and others. I only work with leaders who are growing. If you work with me, and you don’t make progress, you won’t have to fire me. I’ll fire myself.
#7. What outcomes do you really want in life? Take the long-term view. Next year, what will you be sad you didn’t try?
“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Roy Disney
Tip: Try stuff. Deeply held values give meaning to results, even if you don’t enjoy the process.
What’s important about clarifying and defining values?
How might leaders clarify and define their values? Team values?
Work is really hard when your personal values and organizational values are in conflict. In those times I have to go back to doing the work that “jazzes” me. Coupling that with my faith, it’s all you have some days! Thanks for the great reminder today!
Yes, it is hard when your values are not the same as your organisation. While being coached this week I made the decision to stand for my own values at work. Even when I have to accede to the decisions of my big bosses, I can still hold and express my own opinion during the discussion phase. I put a picture of a sequoia tree as my phone background to remind me that I can still stand with my own values even when I can’t act on them. For now that is helping me navigate situations when our values clash.
Dan
Had a team coach at one of my companies that as an exercise had us write our own epitaph. I was in my forties at the time and said that I wanted to write a book (two, Check!) and mentor people more ( a lot, Check!).
Feel free to use this one.
Brad
The People Zoo
I had breakfast this morning with humming birds— the real ones. I’m working onsite for an artist client in rural West Virginia. The birds gracefully fly-in to eat and drink from the feeder then fly up and hover near the tables and finally dart away. It’s like they savor the moment of their happiness to then move on but knowing they can come back for a new experience of happiness later. Now I understand to hover before leaving to appreciate present happiness.
Nice piece Dan.
Keep up the good work man.
J