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Good Leaders Will Always Frustrate You

By November 15, 2011Leadership

This is a guest post from Jeff Goins. Jeff is a writer, speaker, and blogger. Jeff has also become a friend and I’ve enjoyed the times to hang out with him. He’s a sharp young mind you should get to know. You can find him on Twitter (@jeffgoins) or on Facebook. For a limited time, you can get a copy of his eBook The Writer’s Manifesto for free at his blog.

Here are some thoughts from Jeff:

A friend once said: “Your best leaders will always frustrate you.” He was talking about leadership and vision and delegation. I’ve been thinking about those words ever since he said them — about how I respond to leadership and about how I lead and influence others.

It’s taught me some important lessons.

1. You must trust your leaders

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sometimes frustrated by leaders over me. Often, I don’t have enough context to see the big picture, and sometimes, they’re wrong. But most of the time, I just don’t want to be challenged.

Growth hurts, and we all prefer comfort. But I’ve learned that if I’m working with someone who occasionally frustrates me by pushing me and believing more in me than I do, then I’m working with a good leader. And I’ve learned to trust that.

If you can’t trust that your leader is challenging and pushing you for the right reasons, then you have an issue that needs to be resolved. Either you quit or learn to trust him.

2. Good leaders aren’t afraid to challenge people

Good leaders specialize in calling people out. Sure, they need to do so with grace and care, but the bottom line is this: Leaders challenge people to step out of of their comfort zones.

For most people, it’s not fun to be uncomfortable. It requires change and sacrifice and really hard work.

If you’re afraid of challenging people, then you’re not cut out to be a leader. A leader must care more about helping people grow than being liked.

3. Being a leader requires you to make people uncomfortable

Leadership isn’t just about making everyone feel good about themselves all the time. (However, encouragement and affirmation, are important parts of the job.)

Great leadership is about seeing potential in people and challenging them to realize it.

The leader’s responsibility is to guide his team to a new level — where strength and perseverance are tested and refined.

Leaders intentionally develop those under their influence. They relationally invest into their lives and walk through important decisions together. When there is resistance, they lean into the situation, offering a loving rebuke when necessary.

Ready to lead?

Whether you lead a family or run an an entire organization, you’re in for some frustrating work. Not only will those whom you lead frustrate you, but those that lead you will do the same. It’s part of the job.

Leaders challenge people. There is no way around it. They upset the status quo. They offend and frustrate. But more than anything, they help you grow.

If you’re an influencer — someone who wants to help move and motivate people to make a difference — you need to challenge people. You need to frustrate. Make people mad. Risk getting fired. (Trust me, if you get fired for challenging the status quo, there are better places to work.)

As scary as this is, it’s the only way to do meaningful work. Sometimes, you have to make people mad. Not for the sake of being a jerk, but to lead people into a new understanding of themselves.

A note for followers

If you’re following a leader (and most of us are), consider the implications of this idea. Ask your manager or a peer to challenge you — even to the point of frustration. Offer to work with them to help you change and grow.

I guarantee they’ll more than appreciate the request. Wouldn’t you?

So, here’s a question for you: Are you frustrating people… or not leading at all?

Thanks Jeff. I so much agree (and identify) with this post. I know I frustrate those I lead and I’ve been frustrated in the past with the best of leaders. What about you? Do you agree with Jeff’s premise?

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Ron Edmondson

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Join the discussion 19 Comments

  • "They relationally invest into their lives and walk through important decisions together."

    Some great thoughts Jeff. My experience has been that the quote above is an all-important point that you make and should not be glossed over in this post. Why? A leader is not going to frustrate you from a pulpit. It's too easy to ignore and dismiss that. I've never been really challenged by a speaker. I mean, yeah, they throw out challenges, but they aren't walking through them with you. There's no training involved there.

    True leadership in your life is going to be one on one, whether you're getting "leadered" or doing the "leadering." Of course, the Lord knew this and invested intimately into a few. Unfortunately, most that want to be or believe they are leaders have bought into a belief that popularity = leadership.

  • True Jeff! A leader must always be one step ahead. He cannot be one of the hundereds; but, he must be one in hundred. That will make him a leader. A leader must always be making harder calls in his life. He is expected to deliver than others. This necessitates leader to excel in his responsibilities. It is no surprise that leader always pushes the bar and raises the standard.

  • Jeff Goins says:

    I appreciate that, Paul.

  • Paul the missionary says:

    I Would like to saythank God that, there are still people who speaks the truth about leadership in this ways. May God be praised, in Jesus name. May the Holy Spirit help many to get the it in hearts and seek to grow. Because, it is one of the most challenging thing today, to have believers who understand this truth that, to grow up to God's callings, giftings, talents, may bring times of frustration for good, which one will not be sorry in the futur, for going through that. Glory to God, abd be bless for such biblical truth. Amen

  • Completely agree. If we are not challenging people to move, to push forward, then what are we doing?

  • jonathan says:

    Really, really great post. Thanks for the affirmation and encouragement!

  • I think there's a very subtle difference between frustration and challenging – and that difference is love. If I know that a leader truly cares about me, then his challenges will come across in a different light. It also reminds me of the importance to not only take those I lead to the next level, but to do so while making sure they understand my care for them.

    • ronedmondson says:

      Thanks for sharing Loren!

    • Jeff Goins says:

      I like that, Loren: the difference is love. I think you're right about that. I've been pushed around before by bosses and spiritual "leaders" and it was just bullying. They said it was "tough love," but I didn't feel loved. Conversely, I've been called out before and nearly humiliated, but I felt loved by the person, so I submitted to the leadership. That's a REALLY important distinction. Appreciate this.

  • @lautsbaugh says:

    Great post Jeff!
    Recently where I minister, I gave a message that challenged ideas. Some responded well and others got angry. I know it was the right message.

    Its easy to "Amen" your points, harder when you need to live them.

    Here's hoping I can live them more. Thanks