Accusations of Louis C.K.’s Sexual Misconduct are True
Five women accused comedian Louis C.K. of sexual misconduct. He’s the latest in a recent avalanche of accusations that began in October with Harvey Weinstein.
Louis said, “These stories are true.”
Louis’ apology has two high points.
Own it:
Owning failure is courageous and honorable. I’m not saying that confession is justification. Consequences, depending on the severity of our wrongs, still apply.
- I wasn’t clear.
- I lied.
- I took the money.
- I didn’t follow through.
- I lost my temper.
Reject excuses when someone points out a wrong. Don’t blame. Let’s hope your failures aren’t as harmful as Louis C.K.’s. But it doesn’t matter. Own failure with humility and courage.
When I hear leaders confess shortcoming or failure, I have hope. Taking responsibility is the first step toward improvement and success. But my heart sinks when excuse-making sets in.
At the beginning, owning failure is easy. But letting yourself off the hook by finding fault or making excuses seduces many.
Your choices and behaviors aren’t someone else’s fault.
Louis C.K. might say, “I masturbated in front of women.” But it would be wrong to add, “They wore sexy clothes.”
On a lesser scale, you might say, “I didn’t follow through.” It would be wrong to add, “I was busy.”
Power:
Louis C.K. said, “The power I had over these women is that they admired me. And I wielded that power irresponsibly… my position allowed me not to think about it.”
Power distorts perception.
Powerful people tend toward*:
- Less empathy.
- Personal exemption and excuse-making.
- Impulsive behavior.
- Rudeness.
*The Power Paradox, by Dacher Keltner.
Power makes us feel we are better than others.
The behaviors employed to earn power are lost when you have power. Owning failure helps answer the distortion of power.
How might leaders own failure and shortcoming?
How might leaders address the distortion that comes with having power?
Thanks for sharing this…I think Louis CK’s response is a good model for all of the others who are being (and will be) outed.
Thanks Amy. I suppose we could complain that he didn’t say anything until he was caught. But his opening statement caught my attention. We could use a little more of that in leadership and politics.
I never saw his apology. Thank you for sharing this. It is indeed true that leaders taking full responsibility for their actions is refreshing.
I hope it permeates to all areas of society. The ego in current culture is a serious problem. Individualism is a good thing, but too much of it erodes community values, conscience, and any care for other people’s feelings, values, best interest, or needs.
Thanks again.
There is a lot of dodging of responsibility, shifting the blame, and declaring “fake news” when the news isn’t what that person or group wants to hear. Owning one’s mistakes is a huge first step. I grew up with the idea that if you admitted to it or better yet self-reported, you got in less trouble. The real test will come if and when there is a change in behavior that reflects the lesson learned and that the apology was sincere. Great timely post. One that was better served hot.
I have a concern about the recent trail by media in regards to many of the accusations of sexual abuse by celebrities. Not saying they aren’t true or aren’t authentic accusations – as a society we must afford any accused regardless of the crime natural justice. Without – it can wrongly destroy reputations and careers. What if some of the people making public accusations are wrong? Equally the victims perpetuated the abuse by being silent which means they indirectly condoned it. I am sorry they did not feel safe enough to lodge their complaints earlier. I sincerely hope that this opens the way for leaders to take sexual abuse and bullying accusations in the workplace more seriously and providing both the accused and the accusers the appropriate level of counselling and support. I salute Louis C.K.’s acknowledgement of his wrong doing and public apology. The character of anyone in power or a leadership position comes down to doing the right thing when no one is looking.
Good point, Carolyn. One is absolutely guilty until proven innocent in the media it seems nowadays as well as other venues and organizations, instead of the way it’s done in court where we wait for the facts.
I have to admit I was disappointed he did not say the words “I’m sorry” or the words “Will you please forgive me?” Real leaders can say these words. I felt like it was just a prepared statement and not a heartfelt apology at all. Hopefully this is just the start and more men and women will come out into the light and share their stories of shame they have kept inside eating them up for so long. Light is the best disinfectant. Hollywood has long needed a cleansing. Thanks for the blog Dan. Its the best one out there. I use your wisdom with my team all the time. I never miss my daily dose of the freak!
True Dan, power corrupt most of the time not always, had it been always, all influential people could have been corrupt, that is not the case. It corrupts someone not all. Why it happens, power wilded people have a changed perception towards themselves, they find themselves superior in the system and start violating system and good governance. power blind them they become less empathetic and more rude and impulsive. They start finding themselves in law and order and live under the illusion that nobody can touch them.From here it starts rotting their mind and muscle.Powerful people must be more cautious and alert while they are in public and must restrain themselves from inappropriate behavior.
Dear Dan,
Power pollutes when exercised with wrong intention. Power helps when exercised with positive intention. Therefore, intention plays role in influencing power. Leaders can accept their failure by having right intention. They should ask question to self, If everyone exercise the power they want to exercise, would it be acceptable to all. If it is not acceptable to all, then leaders should not exercise the power. It is the clear indication that decision taken in power is wrong.
Power de-stabilizes the person when comes in. Character and maturity comes into play when power comes in. Great values and virtues can ensure right use of power. But absence of values and virtues, power start stirring up and decisions are more likely to go wrong.
Might I suggest a 3 Step Process? Hope it helps:
1. Repent. (Look it up.) Although diluted through the lens of religion, it expresses deep remorse or regret for one’s action
2. Restitution: You attempt to repair or restore the harm done. (This moves you from “Sorry”)
3. Recovery: You begin the practice and discipline of repairing yourself. True repentance will lead to a deep empathy that inspires change in your conduct with others.
No human wants to experience bad feelings. As such, we would rather transfer the blame to the dog, the devil, trees or whatever straw at your disposal. However, this article makes us understand that indeed confession is not justification. Unfortunately, many of us have the mentality that confessing makes you look weak and less of a man. How wrong!! Let us learn from Louis C.K.
I was impressed that he owned up to his mistakes. I think that is very courageous.The others I have heard the same behavior from have all said it never happened. Unfortunately this type of behavior is prevalent. Glad to hear someone take responsibility for their actions.
REPUTATION: is built over a lifetime, but can be destroyed in a day.
Owning it is the safest bet. Don’t expect any woman to put a medal on him. It’s the least he could do. He is right: he took advantage of a power differential—and at the end of the day, that kind of thing takes food off someone’s table, shames the person and kills the god-given dream inside.