5 Ways to Lead with a Big Heart
I’ve always admired leaders who handle heavy responsibility with heart.
Some leaders put on masks and lose themselves to the expectation of others. But leaders with heart bear the load of responsibility with steely resolve and compassion.
Reject the idea that you have to be an ass to expect peak performance from others.
Doug Conant told me, “Be tough on standards and tender with people.”
5 ways to lead with a big heart:
#1. Show up to help more than to fix or correct.
“How might I help?” is better than, “You screwed up.”
#2. Open up more than close down.
You go further with vulnerability than defensiveness.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Stop trying to make things go away.
- Step into the mess with an open heart.
- Acknowledge that you don’t know.
- Work to make SOMETHNG better but give up on making EVERYTHING better.
- Lock arms with another leader who goes into the mess with you.
- Explore options. Seek AN answer, not THE answer. A person with THE answer has a closed mind.
#3. Pursue positive opportunities more than preventing problems.
The leadership question is how do you create something, not how do you prevent something.
#4. Practice compassion.
Acknowledge the pain of imperfect people. Smart people do stupid things. Honest people deceive themselves. Self-justification results in arrogance.
An employee gets caught stealing.
Compassion and consequences aren’t mutually exclusive.
Compassion says:
- I’m so sorry this is happening.
- This must be embarrassing for you.
- We’re going to let you go.
- How can I help you move forward?
Compassion isn’t confirmation.
#5. Practice self-reflection.
In order to bring your best self you must know who you are.
What makes leading with heart difficult?
How might leaders develop big hearts?
Bonus material:
Why the Best Leaders Have a Big Heart (Kevin Eikenberry)
Becoming a Heart-Centered Leader (Skip Prichard)
Lead with your Heart, not just your Head (HBR)
What makes leading with heart difficult? Timely, because when someone does something wrong we tend not to hold them accountable, yesterday I had a discussion with individual that he was doing something inappropriate, “Just beware someone will turn you in if your caught” so please, “stop what your doing, and do things like you were taught”.
How might leaders develop big hearts? Learning to have compassion for those who need assistance is an eye opener and tends to floe to the heart. Be thankful for your blessings and be willing to help those in need, spiritually,mentally, physically and emotionally! Quite rewarding!
Thanks Tim. My takeaway from your comment is be thankful for your blessings. Gratitude opens our hears. Entitlement makes us small. Others have contributed to our growth and development. Be grateful. One way to be grateful is to support others with the support we have received.
Had a great conversation with an corporate executive from the 70’s the other day. Focus was how management then has evolved to leadership today. It is almost a 180.
Good morning and have a great day Dan.
Thank you for your motivating and thought provoking words.
Thanks Bob. Old School Thinking was much more “do what your told.” Obedience and compliance were social norms. Today we think about winning hearts and bring out the best in people.
For me there is a vulnerability to leading with a Big Heart – I have been training myself to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Coming along side of someone is powerful. Anyone can sent out an email, leave a voicemail, or declare a statement and walk away.
Thanks Scott. That’s awesome. I want to turn away when things get REAL. Shallow is comfortable and easy. But when things get real I don’t know what to do. But, just stepping in and being authentic seems to work. “I’m not sure what to do, but I care about this.”
Dan, your comment t0, “Reject the idea that you have to be an ass to expect peak performance from others” took me back to a Saturday morning training session at the Air Force Academy decades ago. At the time, our wise Air Officer Commanding taught us that, “You can be fair without being easy, and you can be firm without being an ass” — one of the key leadership lessons that’s guided me through multiple careers. Thanks again for your daily insight and inspiration!
Thanks Paul. It’s so powerful when a leader says something that impacts the trajectory of our lives. We never know when something like that will happen, but the possibility that we might say something useful is encouraging.
Keep on keeping on.
I get the “you can be fair without being easy” part – but evidently I struggle with the “you can be firm without being an ass” part. Could you clarify? I’d sure like to learn!
Thanks Lance. Here’s an example that might help. When terminating someone do it kindly. When you correct someone, offer to be helpful.
If something is stressful, acknowledge it.
Acknowledge another person’s experience, feelings.
When making the right decision using heart and following through – no matter how ‘hard’ it may seem, I find I sleep much better that night, approach the next day lighter, and come away with stronger relationships than when I skirt/avoid/tip-toe around issues. Peers know – they see right through it. There is respect for leading with heart even though that might come during consequence discussions.
Thanks Sacha. There’s something freeing about dealing with a tough issue from a place of heart. It might be stressful before, but when we finally get to the conversation it feels good, even though it’s tough.
Thank you for this post. Very timely in my professional world of budget cuts and lay offs. I have been trying to verbalize this same idea to my supervising team. You are able to explain it much more eloquently then I have been able to.
Thanks Therese. It’s amazing how powerful it is to add heart to tough situations. I suppose it’s not natural. We have to learn how to do it. But it’s worth it. Turbulence needs a little tenderness.
Love this! To me, the highest value of Compassion is that it defuses anger, which takes many forms – defensiveness, self-righteousness, embarrassment, hope/helplessness, etc. When we consistently use Compassion to lead, we defuse these negative emotions so our team members can move on to the next thing without shame or frustration. It helps them recover faster — it helps us ALL recover faster — so we can get back to the business of the business, and perhaps even innovate more because of our collective emotional growth.
I have maintained more and more valuable relationships over the years because I’ve demonstrated Compassion and emotional resilience in the face of negative behaviors. Not just with the people who were behaving badly, but also with some the people who witnessed my reaction. As leaders, we have to watch out shadows too.
Wow! What a useful comment. Anyone who values relationships learns to value compassion. Any relationship that goes beyond superficial comes to a place where compassion is necessary.
Compassion to a person who is treating us poorly expands us in unexpected ways…and helps us overcome our own negative behaviors that hold us back.
We were just talking about this in a men’s group this morning, how we want to see that someone delivering hard news is anguished about it (we were thinking of layoffs). People want to see a leader’s heart, to see that they are emotionally invested in us, even when (or especially when) they are delivering hard news.
Bingo. Thanks Glen. The times that we feel like hiding our heart are the times we most need to bring it out.
That’s a great post. Too often there is a stereotype that leaders must be tough. Yes, we must be resilient and stron in values and convictions. But I liked the quotation you used about being tough on standards but tender on people. Very true. Thank you! Michael
Thanks Flowering… There are times when real strength is seen in being kind.
The principle of “Compassion and consequences aren’t mutually exclusive” has made a huge impact on me. It reminds me of how Jesus dealt with the woman caught in adultery. He did everything to preserve her dignity and only addressed her once her accusers left so he could have a private moment with her. He said he didn’t condemn her (that’s compassion), but told her to go and sin no more (that’s addressing the issue and not avoiding the consequence). Love your blog, Dan. Thank you for sharing all the wisdom you’ve picked up.
There is a memoir by Dr. Eric Manheimer, centered around his experience becoming the new Medical Director of the country’s oldest public hospital and the lives of the patient’s being treated. He leads the hospital with a compassionate heart and focuses on asking every person he encounters how he can help them. Ultimately, using these five recommendations listed will allow you to become the best leader, friend, and version of yourself. Following these suggestions and focusing on leading with a big heart truly creates a ripple effect. Feeling valued and connected is a core desire, and ensuring employees feel this is crucial for success, especially amidst the chaos of the world today! With the competition between businesses and increase in job cutbacks, it is important now more than ever to lead with a big heart and genuine empathy.
I am so grateful self-reflection is included at the end of this list! Self-reflection allows you to process and give meaning to experiences. Introspection enables you to identify strengths and weaknesses and shape a positive mindset in order to grow as a person and a leader!
The book referred to above is called, “Twelve Patients: Life and Death at Bellevue Hospital” by Eric Manheimer. I believe there is now also a television series based on this book.