The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 10, 2011

Yet, I see examples of unkindness all around me. What a simple concept, and it is so often violated. It does not seem that being kind should be difficult. Parents yelling at their kids. Kids ignoring their parents. Bosses interrupting employees. Employees gossiping about their boss. People cutting each other off in traffic.

Stress 111

Stress Article Examples Skills 111

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 10, 2010

Here are some examples of perceptions stated as facts: “It’s cold (or hot) in here.&# “The iPod (or some other brand) is the best mp3 player on the market.&# “Ford (Chevy,Honda, etc) is the best car maker.&# “Avatar (The Hurt Locker, The Blind Side, etc.) Let’s take a closer look at these statements.

Engineering 212

Engineering Tips FAQ Video 212

The Recovering Engineer

JULY 14, 2011

For example, I told people with Dominant traits to seek feedback from people with Supportive traits and vice-versa. To break through this frustration, I encouraged them to keep at it even though the communication approach felt odd.

FAQ 252

FAQ Class Learning-by-Doing Skills 252

The Recovering Engineer

MAY 7, 2011

For example, I like woodworking, writing, building websites, working on my house, landscaping, and cooking. So, the emotions and personal satisfaction that people experience from their behaviors can be consequences that drive behavior. These activities show that part of what motivates me is analyzing and solving problems.

Motivation 218

Motivation Tips Delegation Reference 218

The Recovering Engineer

JULY 27, 2012

For example, your company has low revenues one quarter. However, these tools and techniques are secondary to a fundamental premise of group problem solving behavior: When people don’t agree on the problem definition, they will never agree on the problem solution.

Consensus 191

Consensus Definition Proposal Tools 191

The Recovering Engineer

MAY 21, 2012

In the example above, I could have assumed that the other person was passionate about the topic rather than angry with me. In most cases, we only know what we assume to be true about their intention based on our past experiences and our own emotional filters.

Tips 221

Tips Objective Power Influence 221

The Recovering Engineer

NOVEMBER 25, 2014

For example, “Is that everything that is frustrating you?” It could be applied like this… You listen to the person’s immediate concern or complaint fully, and you say “anything else?”, ”, and then you let them talk until they naturally decompress. You can repeat the general idea with some variation.

Tactics 182

Tactics Skills Strategy Tips 182

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 31, 2015

For example, my wife and I made (and continue to make) as many eating choices as possible before we are hungry by keeping less cheese and more cheese alternatives in our house. An emotion – a grilled cheese sandwich makes me feel better than a turkey or grilled vegetable sandwich – was the barrier to change.

Short-term 100

Short-term Licensing Long-term Goal 100

The Recovering Engineer

JANUARY 24, 2012

For example, we used Green Eggs and Ham to teach the concept of trying new foods before rejecting them. Like comparisons, stories help ideas stick in the mind of your reader. When my children were young, my wife and I read stories to them. We chose some of the stories for the express intent of teaching them a new idea.

Comparison 197

Comparison Proposal Objective Letter 197

The Recovering Engineer

JUNE 24, 2013

For example, consider what you believe to be true about your ability to become more productive. When you question the facts, you might find that they are true. You might also find that they are beliefs you hold rather than immutable facts. If you find the later, you have opened the door to learning something new.

Objective 173

Objective Workshop Skills Project 173

The Recovering Engineer

MAY 6, 2012

The key point, though, is that the people in the escalator example eventually moved without prodding or prompting from me. Many leaders see this initial response, and grow frustrated with their team like I grew frustrated by the initially unmoving people at the top of the escalator.

Management 138

Management Uncertainty Fashion Tips 138

The Recovering Engineer

AUGUST 28, 2013

For example, people held accountable for results that are not totally within their control would be in this situation. People under stress do not learn information, develop new skills, create ideas, or find solutions to problems as well as people who are not under stress. Many people reading this post could easily say: “That’s me.

Creativity 135

Creativity Stress Learning-by-Doing Mentor 135

The Recovering Engineer

JUNE 7, 2010

For example, “I yelled at you because you yelled at me.” For example… “I’ll forgive them when they apologize.&# “I’ll forgive them when they stop doing __.&# “I’ll forgive them if they will do __.&# We all have our moments when we want to blame others for our behaviors.

Engineering 270

Engineering Self-aware Video FAQ 270

The Recovering Engineer

APRIL 23, 2010

For example, they might view us as being unmotivated, unconcerned, or unwilling to engage. For example, you can question whether or not they actually intend to be a threat to you by re-framing your internal dialogue this way: “Do they mean to harm me in some way, or did I just misunderstand?

Engineering 218

Engineering Self-aware FAQ Video 218

The Recovering Engineer

OCTOBER 5, 2011

For example… I am in the Chicago area because of a relationship that began about seven or eight years ago when the contact I have with today’s client worked with a different company. More than my experiences, it is the people I have met that come to mind today as I reflect on the last twenty-seven years.

Hotels 114

Hotels Workshop Travel Consultative 114

The Recovering Engineer

FEBRUARY 27, 2010

In that post, I listed a number of things common to the political process that are terrible examples of how to behave when you are really trying to solve a problem or resolve a conflict. As I look at the health care reform debate, I see a number of these behaviors in the way the discussion(s) is (are) proceeding.

Health Care 102

Health Care Engineering System Politics 102

The Recovering Engineer

FEBRUARY 27, 2010

In that post, I listed a number of things common to the political process that are terrible examples of how to behave when you are really trying to solve a problem or resolve a conflict. As I look at the health care reform debate, I see a number of these behaviors in the way the discussion(s) is (are) proceeding.

Health Care 102

Health Care Engineering System Politics 102

The Recovering Engineer

JULY 8, 2011

There are many situations — in coaching, parenting, and performance management for example — when the approach I started with is a better long-term answer. &# approach lead to quick resolution, clearer communication, and less conflict as I took a few immediate actions to correct the problems.

Long-term 185

Long-term Information Skills Tips 185

The Recovering Engineer

JULY 18, 2010

For example, I once worked with an extremely people-oriented person on evaluating a potential business investment. I checked out when my task (calling home) was checked off my list. A similar mental barrier can creep into the approach that people-oriented people take with regard to tasks.

Engineering 277

Engineering Tips FAQ Video 277

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 2, 2010

For example, you might state your viewpoint and support it with “I think everyone would agree that…&# (At least that’s how it sounds when I say it. With that confession out in the open, let’s take a look at the problem. Stating opinions as facts can be a subtle and insidious conflict conversation practice.

Engineering 265

Engineering FAQ Self-aware Video 265

The Recovering Engineer

AUGUST 25, 2010

For example, people with strong Cautious traits saying that people with strong Influencing traits are ADD/ADHD. I hope you also see that I strongly disagree with any attempt to use the model to label or artificially categorize people. Generally, I have seen illness descriptions used by people to describe other people with the opposite style.

FAQ 225

FAQ Engineering Self-aware Video 225

The Recovering Engineer

AUGUST 3, 2010

For example, in my role as a parent, I have certain rules and expectations of my two daughters. I’m thinking in terms of families, business, churches, and civic organizations. I’m talking about situations where you know, live, and work closely with the other person. I expect them to follow those rules for the good of the family.

FAQ 201

FAQ Emotional Intelligence Engineering Self-aware 201

The Recovering Engineer

MAY 15, 2010

I think that people are sort of like the containers in my example above. The second approach can seem faster in the moment, but it takes lots of energy and it creates the risk of rupturing the container. When they have pent up emotional pressure inside (anger, frustration, pain, etc.),

FAQ 223

FAQ Engineering Video Self-aware 223

The Recovering Engineer

DECEMBER 11, 2008

They may even “feel&# about things that you see as purely factual (money or time for example). In this post, I will specifically address three tips to help task oriented individuals resolve conflicts with people oriented individuals more effectively. Lighten up.

Tips 239

Tips Engineering FAQ Self-aware 239

The Recovering Engineer

JULY 23, 2010

If they are in a bad mood, they tend to be very negative in reviewing projects, even if the person presenting the project is an innocent bystander Reply Guy Harris says: July 26, 2010 at 12:13 am Great example of how this issue can show up. I have seen exactly the same thing. Thanks for sharing your experience! Reply What Do You Think?

Emotional Intelligence 249

Emotional Intelligence Stress Engineering Self-aware 249

The Recovering Engineer

DECEMBER 6, 2010

For example, I can’t control whether or not people read this blog. When I discuss this idea in training, I often say that of the 6+ billion people on the planet I can only control one of them. And he doesn’t always cooperate with me. Still, controlling myself is all I’ve got. I can control how often I post.

Emotional Intelligence 114

Emotional Intelligence Self-aware Engineering FAQ 114

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 18, 2010

Mostly, I want her to know that I am proud of her efforts and her success, and I want the rest of my readers to learn from her example. Since I wasn’t personally present to observe her interactions over the last few weeks, I may have some of the details a little off. I think she’ll be okay with that.

Engineering 210

Engineering Self-aware Video FAQ 210

The Recovering Engineer

APRIL 26, 2010

For example, I am naturally calm, unemotional, and analytical. I would say that a particular behavior normally associated with any of the DISC styles can be either appropriate or inappropriate depending on the context and the situation.

FAQ 114

FAQ Engineering Video Self-aware 114

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 27, 2010

For example, rather than assuming someone intentionally did something to irritate me, I work to ask myself a question like: “I wonder if they meant that the way I heard it?&# The point of this blog is to learn how to get over yourself and to get out of your own way when it comes to interacting, building relationships.

Skills 200

Skills Engineering FAQ Video 200

The Recovering Engineer

MAY 22, 2010

For example, most people recognize that appropriate behavior during a wedding ceremony is likely to be different from appropriate behavior at the celebration party after the ceremony. As I see it, choosing a behavior, word, or tone that will improve your communication effectiveness is not a moral or ethical issue.

FAQ 102

FAQ Emotional Intelligence Self-aware Engineering 102

The Recovering Engineer

SEPTEMBER 7, 2009

For example, my wife has a “female&# view of the world and I have a “male&# view of the world. Understand to perceive the meaning of; grasp the idea of; comprehend: to understand Spanish ; I didn’t understand your question. These different perspectives often create different interpretations of events.

Engineering 141

Engineering FAQ Video Self-aware 141

The Recovering Engineer

DECEMBER 14, 2010

For example, do you have enough margin in your relationships to… Withstand a communication error? And having enough to meet the minimum requirements does not create margin. Just as the concept of margin applies to our schedule and our budgets, it also applies to our personal and professional relationships. Survive a missed appointment?

Engineering 169

Engineering Self-aware Emotional Intelligence Chemicals 169

The Recovering Engineer

APRIL 14, 2010

For example, have you ever meant to say or do one thing and then said or done something totally different? What is happening in your head and emotions and what is showing up in your behavior. This doesn’t happen frequently. It does happen.

FAQ 102

FAQ Engineering Video Environment 102

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 12, 2010

For example, I can use a hammer to build a house or to attack my neighbor. I think, as you indicated, that the problem lies not with the tool itself but with the application of the tool. The DISC model is just an observation about human nature and human behavior. It has no moral or ethical standing on its own. It is just like any other tool.

FAQ 230

FAQ Hammer Engineering Tools 230

The Recovering Engineer

MAY 4, 2010

For example, I have learned to tell stories and jokes to entertain and engage people while I am presenting, and I still prefer to be alone. Basic style tends to stay pretty much the same over a person’s lifetime. I still have a reserved personality even though I have learned some outgoing behaviors.

FAQ 102

FAQ Emotional Intelligence Self-aware Video 102

The Recovering Engineer

MARCH 31, 2010

For example, I have a strong blend of Cautious, Dominant, and Supportive traits. It’s just the simplest word I can find at the moment.) When you consider the different simple combinations of the four DISC descriptors, you quickly arrive at 41 generalized style “types.&# None of the three fully describes my viewpoint.

FAQ 114

FAQ Letter Engineering Video 114

The Recovering Engineer

OCTOBER 20, 2011

For example, “You made me angry” is aggressive while “I felt angry” is assertive. Here are some guidelines for communicating assertively…. Use “I” statements. State your perspective as your perspective or interpretation without resorting to statements that blame the other person. Focus on behaviors.

Guidelines 279

Guidelines Sharpe Strategy Tips 279