Servant Leadership Distilled and Simplified
My interest in humility springs from personal lack and the certainty that servant leadership requires it.
Interest:
All who aspire for servant leadership should make humility a supreme interest. But the opposite is true.
Just bring up humility in your next dinner conversation and feel the air rush out of the room.
Could our interest in self-puffing and our need for status be the reason we turn a blind eye to the essence of servant leadership?
God and humility:
Humility toward God, if you believe, is easier than acting with humility toward people. But even humility toward God has its discomforts.
As long as God is made in my image, humility makes sense.
Muslims and Christians should find humility easier than atheists and agnostics. But sadly, there’s an astonishing lack of humility in the ranks of religious folk. You see it in a haughty look, a cold heart, or angry belligerence.
Lack of humility:
The tendency to think too highly of ourselves takes many forms.
I experience a feeling of self-importance when a limo driver opens the door or a personal handler carries my bag.
I also know the feeling of defensiveness or disdain when an obvious superior receives accolades that I secretly hope to receive. “She’s not all that.”
Hubris enjoys finding fault. It’s a veiled attempt to assert our own worth or superiority. Somehow, if we can take someone down a notch, our status goes up.
Envy, coveting, gossip, and criticism expose an inordinate need for status.
Exploration:
Humility toward superiors might actually be fear and self-interest. But what about humility to “inferiors” or equals?
An exploration of hubris might teach us how to practice humility.
Hubris includes…
- Taking advantage of another’s frailty.
- Manipulating the powerless.
- Showing up to BE served.
- Misjudging yourself while harshly judging others.
- Seeing weakness in others and competence in yourself.
- Taking offense quickly.
- Expecting honor and status.
Practice not achievement:
My only hope for developing humility is the belief that it can be practiced when it isn’t felt.
Triggers:
The value of negative inclinations is they signal a need to act otherwise.
It’s time to practice humility when you…
- Tell a leader what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear.
- Need to say no to an employee.
- See someone performing below their abilities.
- Experience impatience with learners.
- Shade the truth to protect yourself.
- Take offense.
- Feel puffed up because you just outdid someone. (A little humility in the end-zone of football fields might be in order.)
- Look down on those with less power, skill, money, or status.
- Lose your temper.
- View serving as an inconvenience rather than an opportunity.
Essence:
The essence of humility includes…
- Seeing yourself and others as they are, warts and all. Humility speaks openly about weaknesses and gratefully about strengths.
- Acting with respect and courtesy toward those we view as inferior.
- Speaking the truth, even when it might bring personal disadvantage.
- Finding ways to express gratitude in nearly every situation.
- Helping others shine.
- Addressing tough issues with compassion. The idea that you must be harsh to speak hard truths is self-protective arrogance.
- Turning the focus of conversations toward others.
- Making space for others to speak.
- Showing up to serve.
- Seeking feedback persistently.
- Asking forgiveness when the offense is only 10% your responsibility.
- Giving second and third chances.
- Taking responsibility when a new hire fails.
- Acknowledging that YOU put someone in the wrong role when their performance plummets.
- Giving credit when you would like to receive it.
Questions:
What does it mean to act with humility toward:
- New employees?
- Front-line employees?
- Successful employees or colleagues?
- Experienced colleagues?
- Mistake-makers and screw ups?
What if we include spouses, children, strangers, the sick and homeless in the humility question?
My goal is to distill and simplify the essence of servant leadership. I realize there’s a huge gap between simple and easy.
*I relax my 300 word limit on weekends.
Humility is most simply allowing each other their dignity, which in turn teaches you, which in turn influences them.
The under-appreciated power in humility is hidden in the trust that is built, in others but more so in yourself.
You are not entitled to it, no matter your temporary station in this temporary life. The truly humble acknowledge this in themselves, and speak/act accordingly.
All that you say here is valid, and spirals about this vorticinal essential truth. To breathe in is to inspire, to breathe out is to expiral what you have thus learned.
The meditations continue … thank you, Dan.
Thanks Rurbane. I notice your reference to time. “temporary life….” It seems like a long-term view is an aid to humility and a short-term outlook makes arrogance seem smart. Thanks again.
Quite so,
There is a lot of existential difference between “I now,” “I then” and “I will …”
The arrogant will not admit to this. The humble only vouch for the “We, now, here.”
In re time and reality, Anaximander:
Things are transformed
One into an Other
By necessity
And justice rendered
One to an Other
By the Order of Time.
Great topic. My experience in today’s aggressive society dismisses “humility” as a weakness and laughs at the suggestion of “respect” of fellow humans. This holds true in the church and religious venues too. The presence of narcissistic attitudes and behaviors seem to predominate the American society and it is sickening.
This may sound a bit conflicted but I practice “humility” with and “attitude”. Despite the bias backdrop of human intervention in the US and beyond, I must show respect and empathy no matter one’s race, gender, nationality, or any other human line of division. I will NOT change no matter what the circumstances.
I see it everywhere from obviously in the government to churches and religious organizations, which may be a conflicted campus. I say conflicted because in may ways we hear the words of unity and coming together while hearing that in many religious practices “women” do not have equal status as men or going back to the document history of religion through the bible that separates the Israelite’s or Jews from the Gentiles or others, when Christ was born a Jew. The mindset is screwed up to push humiliation to the back of the human value system and expect to be respected at the same time.
This can go on and on and on. We have a President that respects “No one” and expects to be respected. Where is the humility in him or the people that support such?
Really HOT topic!!!!!!!!
In re: Trump …
it takes the shameless to shame/humble/humiliate the shameless.
Not that It’s healthy for anyone, but it sure is entertaining and educational.
Thanks Gregory. The unexplored side of humility is it’s unbending tenacity. Don’t tangle with a humble leader. They are like pitbulls. I think this aspect of humility needs more attention.
I think this line of thought deserves just a bit more for the time being:
What happens when the (already) humiliated/humbled pitbull goes up against the “egotistical” successful pitbull?
The (short-term thinking) tactical one will win the battle,
but without a sustainable (longer-term acting) strategy,
will lose the war –
to the strategy of humility, those
whose patience (persistence?) is legendary (“I love you, man,” “the truth will always out,” etc.) …
whose shoulders are broad (“He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother”) … and
whose faith is unshakeable ( “what goes ’round, comes ’round,” “the better angels of our nature,” etc.),
despite the short-term losses/failures and any trending patterns of culture, society and government.
Humility can be described as a set of appearances (see “triggers,” hubris descriptors and “essences” above), but it is actually a (hard-won) state of being, easily derailed without a prodigious discipline and vigilance.
Genuine humility is a historically and evolutionary-proven strategy many times over (“the weak shall inherit,” “Fall of Civilizations,” etc.); however the tactics of humility can be fake, misleading and prone to betrayal (by our own lesser angels within, as well as others).
Thanks Rurbane…. THIS—> humility is a “hard won state of being easily derailed…”
Are you not being humble if you tell someone you are a servant leader? Is it like you are saying I’m humble?
Thanks Jim. I’m intrigued by the idea that a humble person could say they are humble. Perhaps aspirational language is easier to swallow. One aspires to servant leadership, but never fully attains it.
That’s why I feel that humility is a pursuit, not an achievement.
Dan:
Thanks for your feedback.
My greatest hope is be a Servant Leader without announcing it. “You will know them by their works.” But, I feel like I don’t hit it all of the time. My plan has been to try every day and with His help get better.
Have a peaceful weekend.
Jim
Thank you for sharing. I strive to be an authentic servant leadership in all that I do. Treat the custodians with the same respect as you would the CEO. I can’t quite remember the quote but is is something along the lines of “when nobody cares who gets the credit, great things can happen.”
Humility is at the epicenter of servant leadership. We need more of this in our society.
JP
Thanks Joseph. I can’t help but think that an awareness of low status and high status is part of acting with humility.
Humility towards “inferiors”? I am not sure what that means. I do not consider others as inferior.
Thanks Linda. The language is uncomfortable. Perhaps superiors and subordinates is a bit more palatable.
Having said that, anyone who is arrogant believes they have inferiors. That’s just the nature of arrogance.
If you take another track, inferior could be applied to performance, if not the person. Your performance is superior to others in some areas. If it isn’t, you are pathetic at everything you do.
If we use inferior as a descriptor of basic human value, we have a problem. There is an intrinsic human value that has nothing to do with performance, talent, or status.
You said “Hubris enjoys finding fault. It’s a veiled attempt to assert our own worth or superiority. Somehow, if we can take someone down a notch, our status goes up.
Envy, coveting, gossip, and criticism expose an inordinate need for status.” I agree and it has become a perverted art form. People struggle with a need to feel significant in a world where perception management is the essence of survival for many. It has become more important than truth- it has even become hostile towards the truth.The world is as hyper political as ever. Is this due to postmodernism?- a time of few to no shared values and no one wanting to acknowledge absolute truth – what’s left is simply a childish narcissistic grab for power in an age of rivalry – Its as if we are at war as we be come more institutionalized ( like inward competition found in bureaucracies )….it takes courage to be a contrarian, but it also takes great wisdom and discernment to be competent and effective in operating with humility. It is the road less traveled and sometimes painful, but becoming self differentiated ( a true self) and maturity is never an easy journey, but an important requirement for growth…and competent civil leadership.
I think being humble and a servant leader, has a lot to do with our true motivation.
Is our motivation to coach and aid the people simply to help them . We want nothing in return.
Or is my motivation ego-driven. I do it to feel important, superior, better than the other person.
Two leaders–identical actions taken–one may be motivated by arrogance, big ego. The other may be truly a humble, servant leader.
Isn’t the person’s motivation a key factor to determine if he/she is humble or not?
Humility is the absence of motivation, other than to learn, and affirm/share that learning.
Intent/will always has an unintended consequence … often inversive to what is consciously intended …
enabling its opposite.
To wonder … is to desire … knowledge (Aristotle).
To know … is to wonder … what is still unknown (Socrates).
Our fears become our desires (Freud);
Fear nothing, but ourselves (Kierkegaard);
Live; Love; Learn (Humility – Lao Tzu).
I think I can be humble without having any motivation to learn and affirm/share that learning.
I think I’m humble when operate in the “no ego” state of being. The action I take—It’s just the right thing to do. And I may learn nothing new doing it.
But even thinking, “it’s the right thing to do” brings a bit of ego into the process.
I think it very challenging to operate in a “totally humble” state.
To learn is to be curious … to share empathetic;
“No ego” is a denial
Of both;
Inhuman, inhumane; egotistical at an extreme;
You are right, very difficult;
Is that really desirable? To what end?
Great article; for those who believe and those who don’t. I believe. I am a Christian, thank you for this reminder to practise humility, kind regards Haley ☺
Thanks for another great article! God made from my image sounds like I am creating my idol based of my thoughts. I rather consider myself being made by God’s image. That helps being humble 😉