Two Ways To Be Less Critical and More Positive
Critics point out what’s wrong but neglect how to improve.
Two reasons leaders are critical of others:
#1. You assume people have negative motives.
He’s late because he’s lazy. She didn’t smile because she doesn’t like you. He asked questions because he wanted to make you look bad. She’s asking questions because she wants to find fault.
Negative assumptions fuel criticism.
Solution: Assume people have good intentions until there’s clear evidence of malice. Anything less results in criticism.
Example of Doers and Dreamers:
Doers need more clarity than dreamers. Doers need confidence they can complete their projects and reach their goals.
Dreamers figure things out AS they go. Doers figure things out BEFORE they go.
Dreamers are critical of Doers when they assume Doers have negative motives. “Those Doers are dragging their feet. They’re asking questions to be disagreeable.”
Assume Doers want to succeed. They aren’t dragging their feet. They’re trying to figure out how to get something done.
Respect a Doer’s commitment to finish things, even it that makes them cautious to start things.
#2. You magnify the faults of others and minimize your own.
It’s interesting that the faults of others are more frustrating than our own.
Power and position blind you to your own faults.
People say you’re wonderful because you assign projects, sign paychecks, and approve promotions.
Solution: Take a long look at yourself every time you’re tempted to criticize others.
- How are you like the person you’re complaining about?
- How are you exempting yourself, while holding others accountable?
- What role are you playing in the failure of others?
- Do you listen well?
- Do you understand the strengths and weaknesses of your team members?
- Do you appreciate the challenges your teammates face?
What’s behind a critical spirit?
How might leaders overcome being critical?
Leadership can be trained, if they are willing to focus on the situation rather than focusing on the person/ personality. Challenges are caused by erroneous thoughts. Change the thought or way of thinking and the challenge is solved. We can’t change people but we can influence their way of thinking, by providing a different point of view on a situation. People who tend to be critical are normally driven by emotions rather than logic.
Thanks Gerry. Your comment made me think of John Maxwell. I asked him if he believed leaders were made or born. He said, “I never met one that wasn’t born.”
It takes intention, commitment, and the involvement of others to make changes in our approach. Being critical is such a habit for many that it will take lots of work to turn toward bright.
I agree some are born strong leaders and some could do with some refining.
Assuming positive intent can be very difficult at times. I had one person explain it to me this way using an example from the world of theatre. We often judge others and their motives based only on what we see on stage as an audience member, but we judge ourselves and our motives based on what we know is going on behind the curtain backstage. Before jumping to conclusions about something someone has done, I try to think about all the things that might be going on “behind the curtain” that I am not aware of.
That’s so good Kristi. Now, if I can just take a moment to do that! 🙂
So basic. So, so good. Sharing.
Thanks D.M.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that until the day I am perfect…I better not expect anyone else to be perfect. I truly desire for others (and myself) to be the best version of who we can be; it can be a fun challenge, if the message is delivered properly. I think sometimes we all hear what we ‘want’ to hear. “Listen to that which you refuse to hear”.
Great post, thank you Dan.
Thanks Melrose. A culture where improvement is expected, honored and celebrated helps.
Let’s face it. “Improvement” means you aren’t there yet. Some people can’t bear that thought.
We have to let ourselves and others be imperfect if we expect improvement. Cheers!
Assume people have good intentions.
Imagine our culture today if we all took just a moment to assume people have good intentions before lashing out.
Wow – that’s a pretty great place.
Man, #1 is my problem. I often attribute negative motives to people that do not have them. I’m working on this and learning, but I can get better. Thanks for the reminder.
This popped up a month ago and I think it is pretty useful:
Hanlon’s Razor:
“Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by carelessness.”
and, I also like this one:
“I have enough technical knowledge that I can make up for my lack of people smarts,” said no one ever.
Great piece. So much of this negativity is ego based. We are such incredibly insecure beings. Finding and knowing ourselves, both weaknesses and strengths helps form the basis for overcoming this propensity to judge. We should strive for Integration of body, soul, and spirit- as well as actions, words, attitudes and thoughts.