The Goldilocks Paradox
Robert Southey wrote the short story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in 1837. A little girl happens upon the house of three bears where she finds three bowls of porridge, three chairs, and three beds.
Goldilocks samples the porridge and finds pappa bear’s is too hot, momma bear’s is too cold, and baby bear’s is just right. She eats it. She finds three chairs. One is too hard. One is too soft. Baby bear’s is just right. Upstairs she sees three beds. The big bed is too hard. The medium-sized bed is too soft. Baby’s bed is just right.
Goldilocks falls asleep. The bears come home. Goldilocks wakes up and runs away. I’ve been afraid of bears ever since.
The story illustrates the dance between too much and too little constantly.
The Goldilocks Paradox:
Extremes reveal norms.
The path forward rises between extremes.
Challenge and support:
Tension between challenge and support illustrates the dance. Too much challenge causes frustration and discouragement. Too little challenge leads to boredom. Extreme leadership results in two things, poor performance and strained relationships.
4 questions to dance with extremes:
- What level of challenge brings out your best?
- How challenged do you feel right now?
- What’s causing you to say your challenge level is X?
- What could you/we do to move toward the right level of challenge for you today?
Help:
Too much help leads to helplessness. Too little help causes disengagement. The amount of help you provide speaks to your nature. Some lean toward overhelping. Others naturally push people too hard.
Before helping ask, “What have you tried?” Don’t do someone’s job for them. The best way to help novices is with assurances. Let them know they’re on the right path.
Monitor energy to dance the Goldilocks Paradox effectively.
How are you dancing the Goldilocks Paradox?
What suggestions do you have for succeeding with the Goldilocks Paradox?
Author’s note: Paul Thornton’s comment on the May 10th post motivated me to explore this topic. Thanks Paul.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Hello Dan,
Working in the operational consulting world, I see this idea play out often. We get called in because a client or one of their suppliers are in a real mess, costing millions of dollars due to quality, production losses, logistical missteps, or just poor leadership (and sometimes all of the above). Everyone wants everything fixed NOW.
But it doesn’t work that way. Sure, I could bring in a massive team of consultants and take over everything all at once. Or I can bring in a reasonably sized team and start the process of understanding what is going on, stabilizing the processes, putting in sustainable measures, and finally training up the organization to run without my team. P
But this takes time. It is the balance between challenge and support. It is best to walk this path with the organization and their team. Challenging them to execute those basic disciplines, while supporting them as the develop and build those disciplines and form the habits of excellence.
In the end, our goal is to develop the client team to operate without us.
Thanks for the article.
Jay Butler
Managing Director
Seraph
http://www.seraph.com
Thanks for chiming in, Jay. Good illustration. I wish you well.
I love the 5th question at the end. That redirects the conversation in a positive way.
Thanks, Dan. Glad to be useful.
Virtue is the practice of the habit of choosing the mean between the extremes of too little and too much in the matter of our actions and our emotions. ~ Aristotle
Love the quote. Thanks for adding value, John.
I sometimes tell new staff that I may throw them into the deep end but only if I am standing there with a life preserver, ready to throw it in or even jump in if needed.
In other words, I know you’ve got this (or I wouldn’t give you the assignment in the first place) and you know I’ve got your back (and will be there with whatever you need.
Thanks for your wisdom, Jennifer. People enjoy healthy challenge that comes with a safety net. In my experience, people like to rise.
Hi Dan and all,
This concept of extremes revealing norms in the betweens is simply brilliant. Many and many a time I have asked a service provide for an estimate. They say ‘I can’t say, it’s variable’. I say : “is it 60k or 600k” and then get a reply back like “it’s usually about 120-130k ” like giving permission to narrow the dial down
Thanks for your good word, Cate. Help people narrow their response. The path to specificity is challenging.
I recently wrote a short book on this very topic.
“Leadership–Are you providing the right amount?”
Here is part of my intro.
To grow healthy plants, you need to provide the right amount of water, sunlight, fertilizer, and pruning. Too much or too little water will hurt your plants; too much sunlight can cause them to die. The best gardeners learn what each plant needs to grow and blossom.
In a similar way, you need to provide the right amount of coaching, direction, monitoring, and feedback to help people succeed and prosper.
If you would like a free copy of my book email me at
pbthornton74@gmail.com
Paul B. Thornton
Your work is always useful to me, Paul. Thanks for sending me a copy of your book.
“What have you tried?” A simple yet powerful question! It shows concern and engagement without taking over or laying blame. A lot of times we overlook the steps already taken in an attempt to “fix things quickly”. Great reflection… thank you!
Thanks, Keala. “What have you tried,” honors effort. And, as you say, it prevents us from overlooking steps already taken. Glad you found it useful.
Once a subordinate asked me a question with which I myself had struggled. But when she asked me the question, the answer came to me immediately. Dancing the Goldilocks paradox sometimes requires us to see our own challenges from the other person’s perspective.
Brilliant, Michael. It’s exciting when we come at things from another person’s perspective.