Self-Awareness wasn’t Invented by Dope Smoking Hippies
I used to think self-awareness was invented by dope smoking hippies. But now I see the weight of self-blindness.
You are self-blind, at least partially.
80:
Last night an *80 year old woman said she asked her son if she was a complainer. He said, “Yes.” She doesn’t think of herself as a complainer but someone who knows her well does.
What if you’re a complainer and don’t know it?
A punch:
Years ago a leader painfully learned he was self-blind to complaining. The feedback felt like a punch in the gut.
As a Director he had one-on-ones with the Chief Information Officer. One day, during their meeting – while he complained – the CIO asked, “Do you like anyone on your team?” It stunned *him.
What if you’re a spiralling vortex of despair when you’re trying to make things bright? (I confess. That’s a little dramatic.)
Be bold before you’re beautiful:
Self-awareness includes learning to see yourself the way others see you.
Try this bold five step project.
#1. List three people who know you well.
#2. Schedule off-site conversations with each. Lunch?
#3. In the meeting, ask for feedback. “I trust you. I’m looking for feedback. I’m committed to developing my leadership.”
#4. Draw a line on a blank piece of paper. At the left end of the line write, “Always.” On the right end write, “Never.”
#5. Ask them to put a mark on the line that indicates their response to the following question.
How frequently do you hear me complaining?
Real work:
Ask two questions.
#1. Why didn’t you make the mark further to the left?
#2. How might I move the mark further to the right?
Have a conversation. Explore behaviors. Thank them.
In order to manage influence, you must see your impact on others.
How might leaders develop self-awareness?
How might you use the line-tool in other ways?
*The stories in this post are thin slices of life that regard people I respect. Both of them are awesome people. Their stories encourage me when I see self-blindness in myself. The Director is now the CIO.
Love this post! We are closing out a John Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You series and one of my favorite sessions was one where he talked about “blind spots” as he calls them. He goes on to say that if you’re self aware it’s only because someone has walked into your life and made you self aware, you become self aware thru other people and to talk openly and candidly about your weaknesses. A similar exercise in self awareness could be utilizing the Johari Window.
In re Never/Always linetool … and selfawareness …
Why would the negative (Never) be on the right (geometrically positive endpoint) and the positive (Always) be on the left (geometrically negative endpoint)?
Beware the fallacy of the double negative and the dynamic of inversion … this is where people tend to get confuzzled, ignore/evade the objective issues, and develop subjective blindspots.
Perhaps it would be more enlightening to ask,
“How often do you perceive me as frustrated?”
(Frustration is often perceived as negativity, anger, complaining – “less than helpful,” and perception ilo “hear” opens many more avenues of potential response.)
Not complaining, mind you … just curious. 🙂