5 Ways to Practice Vulnerability for Leaders
Vulnerability and relationship-building show up at the same dance. Courageously let yourself be seen if you want rich relationships. But oversharing pushes people away.
How much is too much?
You overshare when you…
- Tell irrelevant personal stories.
- Share tales that reveal something harmful about another person.
- Listeners cringe. A cringe-worthy story didn’t work.
- Share long stories about yourself.
- Elevate yourself. I’ve overcome so much. See how great I am.
Vulnerability for leaders:
#1. Perfection is off putting:
Perfection is a myth. Vulnerability tells people you’re human. They can relate to you. Fakery is spotted quickly and easily.
People put on masks when you always have it together. Faking is draining.
#2. Whining isn’t being vulnerable.
Don’t tell people your life sucks so they will feel sorry for you. The point of sharing personal stories is connecting, not sympathy.
#3. Overcoming makes you beautiful.
Go ahead and tell me you have stage fright when you’re giving an engaging presentation. Don’t use it as an excuse when you’re boring.
#4. The struggle makes you respect-worthy.
How do you feel when someone says they’re sober 71 days?
Tell people you’re learning how to delegate better. Explain that running meetings is a challenge, but you’re working on it.
#5. Personal stories strengthen connection.
Isolation is the enemy. Successful leaders connect. The purpose of vulnerability is to foster relationships.
Connection is built on personal stories. Share something about yourself today.
What does oversharing look like to you?
What are healthy guidelines for practicing vulnerability?
Still curious:
4 Ways to Let Yourself be Seen without Oversharing
The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Be Vulnerable (hbr.org)
Like everything else, this is a balancing act. You want to give enough information so people know who you are but not so much that either you or they feel overwhelmed. Good rule of thumb is to share enough so that the other person gets the gist, then let them ask questions to get the details they want.
Thanks, Jennifer. Making room for people to ask questions seems like wonderful protection from oversharing. That’s helpful to me.
The behavior that most engenders trust from someone is asking for help which is one way vulnerability might show up. The strongest relationships and teams are based on vulnerability-based trust (Lencioni), so a leader showing vulnerability is a powerful step towards building a healthy relationship or leadership Team.
Love where you took this Jerry. I believe in seeking help, but I’m reluctant to do it. Seeking advice/input from others is one way to strengthen relationships. Powerful.