Are You Being Bullied?

I hate bullies. I’ve encountered bullies in elementary school, certain professors in college, and most of all, on the job.

There are all sorts of bullies in the workplace:

  • Your boss vacillates on decisions and makes it seem like your fault.

  • Peers valiantly try to one-up you by making you look bad.

  • Support staff do the bare minimum and push you around because it’s not your area of expertise (like IT or Finance).

Peak hunting time for work bullies is the first 90-180 days on the job.

Naturally, you won’t be as good as your colleagues or as you were in your last position. It’s natural to take a few weeks/months to get accustomed to a new role or job. I frequently say to my clients that it’s a new company, new people, processes, clients/customers, systems, products, etc. Everything is new/unique, and you’re in learning mode.

And bullies will come out of their caves to exploit this vulnerability and target your confidence.

They will try to tarnish your image within the team and impact your self-esteem to enable them to exploit you. It is also more common for senior co-workers who use their positions of power to show such behavior. Some solutions:

Never Apologize.

Do not apologize unnecessarily. Instead, try saying, “Oh, this is how it’s done; no one told me this. Thanks for highlighting it. Is there anything I should keep in mind?” I find ’Sorry’ is the most straightforward word to flow into work conversations — eliminate it for bullies.

Ask Questions. 

Ask questions from the start, be vocal. Do not let the bully think they can talk over you and shut you down. Being vocal and insistent is hard to do. Some bullies are too manipulative and might intimidate you into silence. Force yourself to ask pointed questions to get to the absolute truth of the matter.

Show Confidence. 

The best way is to show confidence when sensing such behavior. Seek mentors/colleagues at work who believe in you and build you up. Ultimately, you might have to work on building your confidence for the long term — seek out resources on building confidence or maybe hiring a coach.

If you are someone actively being bullied — I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s tough when someone exploits you at your weakest. Seek out trusted colleagues and tell them what is happening and how you feel. Sharing helps. 

You might find out that this person bullies everyone, and they have a solution on how to diffuse their behavior. If it genuinely affects you or your work product, talk to your boss — that’s what they’re there for — to protect you and make sure everyone is playing nice in the corporate sandbox.

If it’s severe and consistent bullying by multiple transgressors over time (and you’ve tried your best to reach out to solve the issue), your best option is to start over or get a new job. Such toxic work cultures are not worth your time. 

If you are stuck at that company and cannot move because of monetary (or other reasons), remember to remind yourself of your achievements and how far you have come, do not let these bullies dent your self-worth because that’s what they prey upon.