Painful Experiences: 5 Ways to Gain Advantage
Find strength through painful experiences.
Ease brings weakness.
10 advantages of painful experiences:
- Clarity that comes from seeing darkness.
- Strength by pushing through pain.
- Authenticity through self-discovery.
- Empathy for others through personal struggle.
- Perspective by embracing frailty.
- Flexibility through learning to adapt.
- Humility that comes from seeking help.
- Emotional strength that results from bouncing back.
- Presence that comes through noticing daily life.
- Gratitude that comes from learning to savor small moments of joy.
3 growth blockers:
Catastrophizing: people who magnify negativity and imagine worst possible consequences collapse under the weight of negative imagination.
Ruminating: people who dwell on painful thoughts, memories, and experiences. Constantly beating yourself down blocks growth.
Avoidance of discomfort: People who always choose ease over challenge grow weak.
5 ways to gain advantage through painful experiences:
#1. Eliminate catastrophizing. Notice when you are leaping to the worst possible conclusion. Noticing is freeing.
#2. Practice structured reflection. Read: Eye-opening Self-Reflection Questions for Leaders. (Our book, The Vagrant, is the story of a leader who learned to see himself differently.)
#3. Learn, don’t judge. Ask, “What can I learn from this painful experience?”
#4. Seek support before you need it. If you can reach your goal on your own, you need a higher goal. Read: 4 Ways to Seek Help Before You Need It
#5. Search for the silver lining. Ask, “How can I use this experience as a stepping stone instead of a setback?”
Bonus: Focus on things you have power over. Make a list of things you can control and carry it in your pocket.
Leadership Tip:
Hire people who have done hard things. Even better, hire people who enjoy challenge. Low headcount with tough minded people is better than high headcount with quitters.
What can you add to the list of ways to gain advantage through painful experiences?
What are some ways to show compassion for people who are in painful experiences?
Still curious:
Growth Hurts: Create Positive Discomfort
How Painful Experiences Changed the Trajectory of a Fortune 300 CEO
Dan this post reminds me of the concept of being Mindful of the world and others. In our rapid changing lives this is often overlooked.
Brad
Thanks, Brad. It seems those who thrive after painful experience are better equipped to see the world as it is.
I just got news yesterday, from what we considered a budding client, about them no longer deciding to go with us this year. The deal/opportunity would have doubled my income over last year. It was essentially a “lock” in December after they test-ran 3 attendees in one of our leadership workshops. They hired a new LD/OD director & she sent me an email yesterday: “… (our company) no longer needs the products nor services that your company offers. If the situation changes, then we will reach out to you. This current interaction is considered closed.” I thought this to be a sort of harsh “no” & was quite shocked to see it. Suffice to say, I was temporarily in a mode of “Catastrophizing” & immediately magnified negativity & imagined the worst possible consequences for the outlook on the year & our forecasted revenue. However, I didn’t completely collapse under the weight of negative imagination. I did stew for a while, then got back to my “what’s next?” attitude. I saw the warning signs right away & didn’t ruminate & beat myself up, nor did I avoid the discomfort. It simply wasn’t in my control. I could have slunk down into despair for the rest of the day… & didn’t.
Also, I decided to not reply to her email. I’ll leave the “why did this happen” alone.
I really needed this post today, Dan. You’re message is a God-send.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Eric. Love your use of “temporarily.” It’s normal to stumble a bit when we encounter unexpected storms.
I’m not sure there’s something more lucrative on the other side of this for you, but pressing forward is worth it. Sometimes I ask myself, “What do you gain from quitting?”
I wish you continued success.
Dan, this reminds me of a question I have posted on my desk for the last nine years when my family faced a tragedy, I got it from Michael Hyatt: What does this situation make possible?
Love that, Tim! Thanks for sharing. Forward-facing questions change our lives.
The list of things you can control is short. Only two items. Your thoughts and your behavior. However, the list of things over which you have an impact or influence is quite a bit longer.
I lived in Miami during Hurricane Andrew—sustained winds of 160 miles an hour. My house was completely demolished. I lost everything I owned in the world. I lived in my car for several months and then in a condemned building with a giant hole in the roof. Looking back now, it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me. They taught me two important ideas. The first is that if I have the strength to make it through that, I have the strength to handle other difficult situations. The second: it is just stuff. When everything you own is taken away from you, and you can’t get it back, you realize it wasn’t that important in the first place.
PS – I did have insurance, so I was able to rebuild my house.