3 Principles to Upgrade Your Leadership with Compassionate Accountability
Book Giveaway!!
20 copies available!!
Leave a comment on this guest post by Nate Regier, PhD to become eligible for one of 20 complimentary copies of his new book, Compassionate Accountability: How Leaders Build Connection and Get Results.
Deadline for eligibility is 07/18/2023. International winners will receive electronic version.
For 15 years I’ve coached leaders who struggle with a dilemma that pulls them in opposite directions, especially when the chips are down.
Nurture relationships or get results?
Here’s the problem. Compassion without accountability gets you nowhere. But accountability without compassion gets you alienated.
Leaders who practice Compassion without Accountability:
- Believe empathy and support are enough.
- Avoid difficult conversations.
- Compromise their own boundaries.
- Don’t execute proper consequences.
- Live by mottos like “Be nice,” “Don’t hurt other people’s feelings,” and “Don’t raise your voice.”
- Get consensus but not commitment.
- Have a team with poor follow-through.
- Experience problems that never get solved.
- Are liked but not respected.
Leaders who practice Accountability without Compassion:
- Believe rules and consequences are enough.
- Use threats and passive-aggressive tactics.
- Have all the answers.
- Live by mottos like “Failure is not an option,” “Don’t show weakness,” or “Do it because I said so.”
- Get compliance, but not loyalty.
- Have low-trust teams who compete against each other.
- Are feared but not respected.
Leaders no longer get to choose between compassion and accountability. This generation wants both in full measure.
Compassionate accountability:
Evolve your leadership by treating people as valuable, capable, and responsible. That’s Compassionate Accountability®.
- People are Valuable. Everyone deserves to be heard, affirmed, safely invited, and included.
Tip: Get vulnerable. Get real, and let people know how you are doing. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
- People are Capable. Everyone deserves the invitation to contribute, participate, take ownership, and be part of the solution.
Tip: Talk less, listen more. Get curious.
- People are Responsible. Everyone is responsible for their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Tip: Stop over-thinking, -feeling, and -doing for others. You are 100% responsible for what you do next. No more, no less.
How would you lead differently if you treated yourself and others as valuable, capable, and responsible in every interaction?
Learn more here and order your copy of Compassionate Accountability.
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Tweetable Sentences
Leaders no longer get to choose between compassion and accountability.
Compassion without accountability gets you nowhere. But accountability without compassion gets you alienated.
Compassionate Accountability means treating people as valuable, capable, and responsible.
Nate’s Bio
Nate Regier, PhD is a founding owner and CEO of Next Element Consulting, a leadership firm helping companies build cultures of Compassionate Accountability. Nate is the author of four books on leadership, compassion, and culture, hosts a podcast called OnCompassion with Dr. Nate, and is a Top 100 keynote speaker. In his newest book, Compassionate Accountability: How Leaders Build Connection and Get Results, Nate outlines the roadmap for the next generation of leaders and thriving workplace cultures.
It is a balance to lead people with compassionate accountability and the pace of business these days. It feels like it takes more time, although the time upfront actually saves in the long run & builds positive relationships & results. It all starts with the leader’s true desire to understand why a team member may be struggling with accountability & being genuinely inquisitive. Would love to learn more on the subject with a copy of the new book!
Right now am dealing with situation where my compassion needs to lean into accountability or this person could be in real trouble. Love to get this book, even an audio version!
Just starting a new position as the Head. This post certainly is a good reminder of how to treat others.
Many leaders believe that being compassionate and creating a high performing, accountable culture are incompatible. They have developed a false choice with this polarity mindset.
Certainly it is challenging to be the versatile leader known for their compassionate accountability. I’m excited to read Nate’s book for practical insights.
I believe this is a critical balance and one we often get wrong. Put my name in the hat, I’d love to learn more!
Would love being considered for the book giveaway. I think this book would be of great value to myself and team and would also be a great book to launch a team book club.
Nailed it!
Sounds much like coaching. Honoring others and supporting them toward success. Practicing accountability is caring and can be accomplished in a “human” manner. Thanks!
Treat others as you would want them to treat you.
Great post! I believe this is something that is easily overlooked with leaders, especially when first developing into their leadership role. I believe that Compassionate Accountability is something that to some degree should be essential for all leaders, regardless of their leadership style. In my own practice I have experienced the struggles of balancing the two. This is a great reminder to keep this concept in the back of my mind when planning and interacting with teams.
Hi there – very topical as my team will be given information about compassionate leadership next month. As team lead I would like more information so that I develop my skills and support the team. Thank you
Yes to all of this. Current workplace trends in multiple sectors require leadership that embodies both compassion and accountability. In education, we often say about students, “They won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” However, this is applicable to adults too.
Like everything else in life there needs to be balance. Push people too hard for too long and you will lose them. Don’t hold people accountable and it won’t take long till you don’t get anthing done. Need the right blend.
This will make a fantastic topic for discussion and or book to read in the leadership group I am in. Leaders from multiple countries and industries are coming together to learning with and from each other.
Hi there – very topical as my team are getting an information session on compassionate leadership next month. It would be great to develop my knowledge to be able to support my team. Thank you
Love it! Yes as someone who is a little older you can no longer tell employees my way or the highway. Since Covid there really needs to be a buy in between leadership and employees.
This book would be an asset to help my team strive for compassionate accountability.
It is definitely a polarity to be managed. Your principles sound helpful and I would love to read the book with my team.
I’m intrigued! Looking forward to reading the book.
Thank you for this post. Balancing people with task in leadership in leadership is critical. Your post reflects this.
People don’t leave companies – they leave bosses and toxic cultures. Accountability that has a compassion component is essential to keep and retain your best people. Otherwise, you will be left with people who are there just to get the paycheck.
You must also have the compassion enough to understand your employees personalities and be able to provide accountability in a way that motivates them. This may be through open encouragement, sit-down private coaching and mentoring, sandwich techniques for feedback and a variety of additional methods. It’s important to realize that every individual responds differently and having one technique to provide accountability is not always sufficient.
Thanks for sharing! This is a daily struggle for sure.
Thank you for giving a name to it. As a leader who addresses large groups of educators, I promote empathy as the most important aspect of effective communication, especially when we are resolving issues. It is the accountability piece that is an important part of the problem solving process. The more resources we have to recognize the incorporation of the two elements, the better leaders we become. Your book is a true gift to those of us who value employee retention!
Helping leaders see that relationships are key is critical. Working on this with some teams currently and am interested in your thoughts and insights.
I have never heard these two words put together like this. I teach a class on Leadership and Strategic Planning. I am also an administrator in higher education. I am very interested in reading this book and using it as a book study for me and my team. I was immediately drawn to this post. I lean toward the compassionate and my colleague leans toward the accountability. I would like to learn more about putting the two together. Very interesting post!
This post really hit home with me. I’m squarely in that first category of being compassionate without accountability and as much as it hurts to admit it, almost every point in that paragraph applies to me. I dislike difficult converstations and have avoided them far too often. Therefore, we have problems that are never resolved and although people like me, they do not have the respect for me that I would like. Clearly, I need to read this book to figure out how to work the accountability side of the equation into my leadership.
Top of the morning my friend.
Great leaders recognize their success or failure replies on the positive relationships the build. Adding value to any organization requires building a sense of community where people feel comfortable sharing thoughts, true feelings, and compassion for others input. People need to know they matter. . The true character of a leader is seen by the way he treats those who can do nothing for them. It’s called Integrity. Reach to others as though they our they are part of a family who genuinely care about others thoughts, concerns and values.
Remember that our words are who we are. At the end of the day be proud of who you are. No one should turn around to find they’ve left nothing but enemies in their wake.
Make compassion, character, and consistent integrity build relationships resulting relationships that result in success for your organization and everyone involved.
Cheers Dano
SGT Steve
Our work is about relationships. That’s it. That’s the list.
Regardless of industry – relationships make or break us.
This is great! As a new leader I feel like a blank slate and want to build my skills so that my team is successful! I definitely feel like it is a balancing act between compassion and accountability. I also know I have to approach myself in the same way. If I don’t treat myself the same way I want to treat my team, it’s never going to work. Thank you for bringing this book to my attention!
Great post and simple tips!!
For three decades I have striven to be a servant leader in education. The flaw in my outlook has been not expecting accountability. When in the course of leading I “suddenly” expected folks to take responsibility for making things happen, the disruption was almost catastrophic. I wish I had heard of compassionate (my forte) accountability (not so much) years ago.
This is something I grapple with on a daily basis. I’m looking forward to reading your book.
There are great thoughts in this post. Thank you for sharing. The concept of compassionate accountability is easy to accept but difficult to excute because people are all differnent. A compassionate leader takes time to know their accociates and how to get the best performace from each associate. They must be willing to have the tough conversations to improve performance.
i realy need this book i enjoy this page read daily
Great read! Thanks for sharing.
Would love to read more!…in the age of not being offensive, there seems to be a fine line between not hurting feelings vs. truth. Truth hurts sometimes but a caring trumps all. The formula laid out in this article is on trend as leaders and managers must develop the right mix to ensure they build great teams who can meet challenges head-on with a baseline of trust and honest communication.
There is such a balance between compassion/accountability. Vulnerability with a peer who is an accountability w/o compassion can also feel like a landmine situation in some work environments. I look forward to reading more on this topic.
You’re speaking to my heart this summer day with two weeks left to go before returning to a central admin building. I love your words and can’t wait to read more. Thankful for your insight.
I find it hard to practice compassionate accountability when my boss doesn’t show it to me. Working on it daily…some days I do better than others.
Organizations have a hard time getting to this balance because it takes lots of hard work to get there. So easy to fall into the mediocracy of “the culture of nice” or the tyranny of ongoing beatings…
This is a great read. We spend a lot of time (on my team) focused on creating a positive culture where everyone is valued and included. We also focus on our “15 Cs”: Camaraderie, Challenge, Cognition, Collaboration, Commitment, Communication, Compassion, Connection, Contribute, Cooperation, Courage, Creativity, Culture, Curiosity, and Customer Service.
I was just talking with a friend about the balance of showing compassion and holding people accountable for their actions/inactions. I appreciate the simple three rules about people – excellent reminders and mindsets when setting expectations for those we lead.
I like this topic of compassionate accountability. Often times words like compassion and love are not used in a work setting, but one of my leaders has talked about these topics openly. I find that when matched with actions such as supporting the team, giving direction when needed, and setting the tone for an inclusive and open-minded culture, compassion and accountability to readily felt. As a leader, I tried to hold myself to the same standards that I held my employees to. Meaning, I would get my hands dirty and work on projects when time allowed and ask for advice and feedback on my own work. I think this helped normalize these practices and emulated how feedback could be received. Additionally, I find that nothing demoralizes a high performer more than seeing another coworker getting the same raises and kudos and doing less work with maybe even less quality. By keeping everyone accountable, it will energize your high performers and set an expectation and goal for everyone to hit.
Great post! Definitely a delicate balance.
Great post! This is a critical skill for new leaders. I have seen so many leaders fail at this discipline when first promoted. Honestly this applies to parenting too! As a L&D facilitator, I would lead a workshop on balancing support (compassion) and discipline (accountability). I never really like the words support and discipline being used as it created extremes in examples, but compassion and accountability are much better. I have also used “warm candor” to help new leaders understand how to approach the balance. I will try on “compassionate accountability” and see how that resonates in my new company.
I also wanted to comment on the statement, “Leaders no longer get to choose between compassion and accountability. This generation wants both in full measure.” I do not believe this is a generational thing. Leaders throughout history have longer term success with a fine balance. All employees have always wanted the balance, but rarely do they get it.
This is the difference between managers and leaders. People are generally ok with being held accountable if they feel valued and respected. Noone respects a chest thumping a-hole and it’s rare to find the person who is well liked in a senior leadership role. It’s a fine line, but once you’ve found it the team’s performance soars.
As a rule/process oriented person this is a good way to look at the need for a balance with compassion in order to move our teams to the next level.
Leaders who use compassion without accountability… “Compromise their own boundaries.” Yikes! #TrueThat
Such a great article. Huge value.
Great short article with bullets on how to balance leading with a servant attitude but keeping people on-track.
These points are spot on. Further demonstrates the importance of establishing trust between people, demonstrating you care about each other and individuals, and have a mutual desire excellence.
Threading the needle between competing priorities of mission and people. Could they be synergistic? I think so.
Dave
Would love to learn more on this topic with a copy of the book!
This is a great guide! I will utilize this daily.
For me that sounds like another version of “Treat people like adults”, but difficult as that is, this facet will help as well, getting closer to the ideal.
I would love to learn more on this topic with a copy of the book!
I love this new-to-me term “Compassionate Accountability.” I’m adding this book to my reading list.
I love the tip “Tip: Stop over-thinking, -feeling, and -doing for others. You are 100% responsible for what you do next. No more, no less.” I need this to be my daily mantra as an elementary principal.
As someone who has held, often with reluctance, leadership roles as a teacher, a Toastmaster and more recently spiritual leadership in the absence of a minister at our centre, I so appreciate your linking of the need to be BOTH compassionate AND accountable as we cannot expect both of those qualities from our teams unless we demonstrate both. I have erred on both sides- wanting to be liked, trying to be too “nice” as well as being stringent about specific areas that I felt were imperative to be followed.. Reading the fallouts from being overly compassionate or overly demanding is insightful.Thanks to the author and to Dan for recommending this book. Gratefully, Pauline Duncan-Thrasher
While this could easily become a new “buzz word”, I remain deeply curious about the term and strategies included in the book. I’ve worked in a helping field for over 20 years; this can be a barrier for so many empathetic leaders.
Great insight and reminder of how leadership has evolved! As an empathetic leader for more than 15 years, the balance is hard, but so worth it!
Leading with compassion while holding team members accountable is both a challenge and an essential goal if we as leaders are to inspire our teams to create positive change in worlds of business, spiritual growth and family and social interactions. It is only now, much later in life that I realize that in fact each of us, regardless of our title or role, is a leader. Wanting to be liked and recognizing the need to establish and expect values in everyday living while at the same time honoring individual differences create those tight ropes that all of us need to walk across. With gratitude and appreciation to Dr. Nate Regier for a much needed book, clearly defining the essential blend of compassion and accountability requirements for leaders.Pauline Duncan-Thrasher
People are important. It does not matter how you interact with them, what matters is how you interact with them.
I love the 3 part approach to leading with compassionate accountability. The excerpt shared provides clarity and strategy to lead with people focus mindset. It’s challenging for leaders to balance people with results focus. I believe that if you take care of people, the results will come. I would love to use this book with clients to help them meet their leadership goals wit their teams.
Stop over-thinking, -feeling, and -doing for others” really resonates work me. I’m interested to learn more.
The tip to talk less, listen more, and get curious is spot on. The ability to self-edit is important. Listening to concerns and seeking input, not just waiting for a break in the conversation to jump in, is so valuable.
Yes, yes and yes! I like how you mentioned sharing how we feel with others. I’d love to see the additional ideas in your book!
Everyone deserves respect. Everyone has different ways of showing it but it should be essential.
Brilliant. Was just creating norms with a group of teacher-leaders, and this gives them the verbiage to express the nexus of high support and high accountability.
This really resonates with me. My manager practices accountability without compassion – something that is causing great harm in our team right this moment. I, on the other hand, tend to lead with compassion but little accountability. I can see where neither is preferable. I can’t make up for the manager’s lack of compassion and she is frustrated with my difficulty in being direct and accountable. It’s causing a lot of problems. I can’t change her – I just have to deal, but if I can get my own act together, I might be able to shield my people from some of her lack of compassion by being a better supervisor in her eyes. Vicious cycle until that happens. Thanks for your consideration – loved the post!
Working at a startup non-profit, we have so many conversations around our workplace culture and what our vision is. However, where we face challenges is actually bridging the gap between where we are right now and where we want to be. I believe Compassionate Accountability is how we will bridge that gap and strengthen the culture that we already have
I’m really looking forward to reading this book. My leaders need to do more accountability with their direct reports but it feels cold to them so I’m looking forward to finding a balanced approach they can get on board with. Thanks!
Listening! Practice, practice, practice. As always great post, Dan! Book looks great.
Thank you for this article! Very insightful! It definitely resonated with me that I need improvement on the accountability part. I build connections easily, but have trouble with holding others accountable. I’m a recovering people pleaser and still need work on this. It’s exciting to know that we can grow and develop each day to improve our leadership. When we get better as leaders, everyone around us gets better.
Great contrast to the leadership styles! Sounds like a great book that would be a complement to “why motivating others doesn’t work”!
I loved this article, it articulates my leadership style and I have seen great results with this approach – more of this leadership philosophy is needed to grow the next generation of leaders!
Quoting: “ Evolve your leadership by treating people as valuable, capable, and responsible.” Two key thoughts: First, leadership of ourselves (I use the phrase, Personal Servant Leadership or PSL) is critical for everyone’s optimum contributions, whether or not they are also in a formal leadership position in any organization. Second, whether in formal groups or informal groups (people with whom we interact), we will maximize our efforts by building meaningful relationships. In both cases, it is so important to pause between stimulus and response to carefully consider options, options that draw upon the values, capabilities, and responsiveness of those with whom we connect.
As always, great ideas.
This article was perfect timing for me. I am a compassionate leader. However, my supervisor was very much accountability. From the time I was promoted, I have worked on this balance. Now, I have terminology and tips for it! Thank
Great challenge! Easy to say, tough to do when your core personality leans a certain way. I’m probably heavy on the compassionate part, working on the accountability aspect.
Definitely looking for some assistance on balancing this. I find myself swinging between being compassion and not maintaining my own accountability standards, or being able maintain accountability but not having the “touch” that an excellent supervisor should have.
I love this! It’s exactly what I’ve been trying to communicate to staff and faculty at the IHE that I work at and the philosophy that I hope they adopt.
Treating people as valuable, capable, and responsible is invaluable to fostering a strong organizational culture. However, integrating that with high expectations and accountability can be a struggle. I am excited to learn more about any tools, concepts, or language that will help further that cause! Thanks for the post highlighting this new book and important line of thinking.
Many leaders try to avoid “gooey” or “fluffy” words like compassion and vulnerable. If we look at the leadership behavior we look for and should expect, these are exactly the words we should be using.
I personally lean one of these directions and intentionally make efforts to lean the other way when I have to. However, I almost always feel I’m obviously going against my own grain when doing so, and I feel it’s less effective because of that. Any stray thoughts on how to better embody the full concept here when you’re naturally one way but not the other?
To add to some awesome comments here, one of my first “go to” thoughts was as a parent of teenagers. Not saying that as a leader, I’m a parent. I’m saying that “accountability with compassion” applies when communicating with people, to get them to be the best versions of themselves
Aiming to get results without nurturing relationships will end up short-circuiting!
This is EXACTLY what’s needed today! Can’t wait to read.
Looks like a great read – I hope I’m selected!
Looks like a great read!
“Compassionate Accountability means treating people as valuable, capable, and responsible.” – This really resonates with me; in a world where so many younger people have never been handed their own responsibility, to also believe they are capable of it can speak volumes in their own judgement of their worth. This, in turn, helps them step up with confidence.
Thanks for the opportunity, Dan. The day wouldn’t be complete with your missive for focus. I find your kind approach to leadership enormously powerful and inspiring. In the end it’s about the positive impact on others that marks our time on this earth.
Z
Part of this came up in a meeting yesterday. A colleague made a comment about his opinion not being heard because his position was not high enough for it to be considered. My response was exactly what was said here, everyone deserves to be heard and their opinions and ideas considered. Thanks for finally putting a name to my leadership style. I’m trying to pass it on before I retire, this book could be the vehicle I’ve been looking for.
Well said! I’ve never understood why leaders think that compassion and accountability can’t co-exist. It’s too bad that leaders who really need to learn this will probably never read the book.
This is how I wanted to be treated so it makes a lot of sense
Sounds like a great read! This is an excellent reminder that compassion and accountability are not binary options, but instead, essential elements of effective leadership.
Effective leadership is indeed a delicate balance, requiring myriad skills. Recognizing the need for both compassion and accountability seem like main ingredients for successful readership! As a development specialist for school board leadership, I am sure the lessons in this book would be extremely helpful!
The first job that I had with the “official” title of manager, I reported to a Director who was all accountability and no compassion. I learned a lot from him about the type of leader I did not want to be. Years later, I unfortunately learned the hard way what the opposite end of the accountability-compassion spectrum yielded. Since then, I have come to appreciate and adopt a more effective balance, but it is something that needs consistent mindfulness and intentional practice to maintain consistency and continue to grow.
Lead with both compassion & accountability. Develop relationships and trust & ignite the fire in the people you lead. Lead with a common why & have a plan. Leadership is a privilege.
What a challenge! I shared this with our leadership team this week and asked the question… what’s your tendency? Which side do you err? what about when you’re in the ‘grip’?
I connect this to my faith where God constantly shows a balance between justice and mercy… kind of a good role model. Not easy to get right but such a great aspiration. Love to read more.
This is a fantastic way to evaluate both what your dominant go-to is, along with those who believe compassion and accountability are mutually exclusive. I work with young student leaders who struggle with this, especially because they have to lead their peers and believe they have to abandon who they are to be effective.
It’s a challenge to do well, but a fantastic way to make the goal achievable. I am looking forward to sharing your book with my students.
Reading this post reminded me of two important components to successful coaching and leading. 1. Relationships are everything, 2) You can’t lead from the balcony without spending time on the dance floor. Authors for both of these statements are unknown, but they have served me well. If you keep these in mind, you will find it easy to be compassionate and still have the necessary accountability.
Loved this post and it is applicable in a situation I am in. I hope I get the book and I’ll be sharing its rich teachings (I’m sure) with others.
Sounds easy enough, but we all know how hard it is for some leaders (parents, too) to actually require accountability. Coupling with compassion certainly should make it easier for leaders/parents! I’m always baffled by the accountability conversation because no accountability equals people can’t truly own their victories either. Sounds like a great read and hope to have my own copy!