How to Find Happiness in Leadership
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The pursuit of happiness makes you miserable. I am unhappy when I focus on happiness.
Happiness is a primary concern but a secondary pursuit.
Reject the pursuit of happiness:
“Ask yourself if you are happy, and you cease to be so.” John Stuart Mill, the most influential English language philosopher of the nineteenth century.
Mill asked himself, “Suppose that all your objects of life were realized … would this be a great happiness to you?” His answer was NO. It sent him into a tailspin during the winter of 1826-1827.
He writes that he felt he could not go on in his autobiography.
Mill discovered that happiness is not something to be pursued.
Quotes about happiness in leadership:
“You don’t become happy by pursuing happiness. You become happy by living a life that means something.” Harold S. Kushner
Meaning is, “… using your signature strengths in the service of something larger than you are.” Martin Seligman
Put simply, meaning includes contributing. Tom Rath says we should move beyond “You are what you do” to “You are how you help.” Life’s ultimate question is “How do you contribute?”
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Stephen Hawkin on happiness:
“After my expectations were reduced to zero, every new day became a bonus. And I began to appreciate everything I did have. While there is life there is hope.” Daily Record
“I’m happier now than before I developed the condition (ALS).” Daily Mail
Self-reflection:
Focus on your contribution, not your happiness.
What are you doing when time stands still? When you forget yourself? How could you do more of that? It might be art, community service, study, mentoring, or leading a team.
Happy people deliver better results. (Shawn Achor)
When do you notice happiness sneaking up on you?
How to Tap the Power of Permission for Happiness – Leadership Freak
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Fantastic post, Dan. I love the MLK quotation. Thank you.
After watching my grandpa die a very slow and painful death from ALS in 1998, I cannot imagine anyone saying, “I’m happier now than before I developed the condition.” I have never put happy and ALS in the same sentence let alone universe. My mind is blown!
I am trying to live in the moment. When I am giving is when I feel most fulfilled.
While there is life, there is hope. Such a great reminder. Thanks for the encouragement.
I really needed to read this article today. Thank you!
Great post! I would like a copy of “Vagrant”
Happiness is so fleeting and subjectively based in the moment. Joy comes with fulfillment… and that is found in living for something beyond myself and what I want. I appreciate the fresh perspective on the subject this morning. It’s sort of counter intuitive, but it’s true.
I’m enjoying the article, unhappiness, and how not to pursue it.
In my opinion, Happiness is a State of Mind. It’s experience differently and at varying levels, base on our emotional experiences.
Find your strengths, use then wisely, continue to grow and learn and you will find your purpose in life. Whether it be parenting a child, leading a project, developing a team, striving for a goal, winning a final in sport … your contribution to the result will bring pride, satisfaction, intrinsic reward and yes happiness.
Start by seeking happiness and you’ll, likely, only discover self interest .
I find that I am happiest when I know that what I am doing is meaningful and impactful. I also derive great happiness from the relationships formed with the people with whom I share the striving for meaning and impact. It’s not the happiness that is being sought., though….that comes as a by-product!
One way of being happy is seeing those I have mentored succeed.
Appreciate the encouragement as I’m struggling to find happiness. This post hit’s home and is just what I needed. Thank you, Dan!
i like – you are what you do” to “You are how you help.” Life’s ultimate question is “How do you contribute?”. it doesn’t say you have to become big and great to have meaning, happiness or contribution. You can take those actions in your own sphere of influence. 🙂
Happiness for me is found during the exercise…
Great stuff! On the path of serving and contribution, I most likely will stumble across happiness, but not so if I attempt to make happiness the destination in the first place.
Great food for thought. Thank you.
If you are questioning yourself on whether or not you are happy, clearly you are not. Thanks for another great reminder!
Happiness should be true and not mimicked as well.
This really hit home. When I think about the things, events and other parts of my life that make me happy they are all connected to the most important relationships. When you recognize your purpose and potential impact of what you think and do when you ask yourself the question how am I serving to improve the world around me it becomes very clear.
The Dalia Lama says “We really need a sense of oneness of human beings. You see [the] emphasis on my nation, their nation; my religion, their religion.” This, he argued, is not just destructive but unnatural, leading us to misery. Happiness, in contrast, comes from acknowledging the reality that we have a common story, not by emphasizing artificial identity differences.”
I think when we focus on compassion for others and the realization that we are all interconnected, like a stand of Aspen trees all interconnected at the root, we look out for one another, and encourage a less divisive polarizing society. We then we feel less lonely and less individualistic, and more a sense of “community”. i believe it contributes to happiness.
This is so true. I left the Washington DC area after 34 years to move to a small community in Central NY. Community is the key word. Even though I had lived in a nice neighborhood in northern VA, there wasn’t the sense of taking care of each other. In my new community, we really do look out for others. We care less about material things and more about whether or not our neighbors and friends are ok! I’ve never been happier or more productive as an employee.
Another great post! I work in the field of Human Services and have for 30+ years. My team and I support individuals with an intellectual disability to live their ‘everyday’ life. I find my happiness when engaging with the people we support and they are telling me about their day…their plans for the weekend…how they learned something new…or overcame an obstacle in their pursuit of their everyday life. It is humbling and keeps us grounded and is a constant reminder that the human spirit can overcome anything!!!
Great stuff, Dan, as always. Particularly loved the Seligman quote.
What a great post! I’ve been relating a lot to the sentiments of J Mill. I’ve often hit certain goals and not had any level of happiness in doing so. However to answer that last question, I did notice a lot of unexpected happiness recently in solving a problem for my team and an important client. I had been trying to figure it out on my own but when I invited collaboration people jumped at the opportunity and achieved something I could have never done.
Thank you
After reading this, I kept thinking about the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness. It seems like the happiness at the end is the multi-million dollar venture he ends up creating. However, during that movie, Will Smith, is on a sinking ship. He keeps going, even offering a $5 cab fare to a wealthy man that he cannot afford. In line with what you write above, he is contributing to others and his son throughout the movie.
A life well lived is someone who spends their life giving themselves away. This is true even if their contribution is small compared to others. At times, the greatest among us are those that contribute very little but are giving all they have.
The times when I am simply happy are the times I had the most success, been most productive, and realized enjoyment in more things around me. Stop looking for happiness, simply be HAPPY!
Joy is in the journey! I love the perspective from Hawkins that realizes each day of life has hope.
Thanks Dan, for a great post. I find happiness shows up when a) I’m helping others (aka, doing something bigger than myself) and b) when I’m doing life with family and friends.
Today’s post really hit home. So many miss these truths while missing out on some of the key elements that anyone can use. Thanks.
This is great. Happiness is never a destination.
I always tell my daughter who is attending University to find a career that she loves but you also need to love the “doing” to get things done to be successful and happy.
I just had this conversation yesterday with a co-worker. Looking forward to reading the book.
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is my favorite leadership quote!
Loved this! Since you mentioned Shawn Achor, it reminded me of one of my all-time favourite Ted Talks. You can’t help but feel good after watching it – The Happy Secret to Better Work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLJsdqxnZb0
Great reminders! I’ve always found that I’m happiest when I focus on helping others instead of helping myself. It’s funny then that the thing that can derail me is when someone asks how I can be so happy all the time and I start looking for the answer inside myself for the answer.
Seeing the impact my actions have on the happiness of others, makes me happy, as well.
A book is always a good idea
This article really opened my eyes to my life and where it should be steered in the future
I needed to read this today! Great article!
I found happiness specifically at work when I discovered I go in the company goes as my team goes. Which, then to me means the best thing I can do with my time and spend it on my team. That has made me a much happier at work.
Happiness has been a topic covered in many books over the past 10-15 years.
Hopefully I’m summarizing them correctly in saying “Happiness is not a destination it is a result”
Happy employees will take things further than unhappy ones. As a leader we often need reminded to…
* Be the leader that people WANT to follow.
* Be the leader that the leaders above you TRUST putting their business in your hands.
* Be the leader that YOU would work hard to succeed with
* Provide the environment for others work in a place they can THRIVE
* Provide the right autonomy and purpose so people can provide the DRIVE to get places.
* Avoid the “3 signs” with anyone you work with, not just your followers (Anonymity, Immeasurement, Irrelevance).
* and so on (there are so many key points discovered over the years about leadership, happiness, and engaged employees)
Above all “enjoy the journey”!
Leverage your strengths to be true to who you are. Happiness will take care of itself.
We should really consider re-wording “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness….”
I agree and appreciate this post Dan. I have learned that happiness is an outcome of the things I do rather than a target. It was a crappy target anyway because it is a temporary condition. The pursuits that tend to lead to happiness are aligned with meeting internal rather than external needs. Working in alignment with purpose, finding awe and wonder by being curious, and helping others are good examples of meeting internal needs that can bring happiness.
This post came at the perfect time. Thanks, Dan!
This is a great post to end the week, to reflect on what you contributed and how you helped others. And maybe to prepare for the coming week if you find you didn’t contribute or help as much as you could have. Helping others shine is my happy place.
For me: We can always find joy because it is a mindset and happiness is a temporary moment from my basic needs being met.
Happiness… i will be happy with the new book 🙂
Seriously, ones state of mind is complicated….joy/happiness is a self reflection of expectations….the pursuit of happiness is strenuous….the pursuit of doing well by others is magical….
Thanks for a great post! I’m pondering the happiness and helping other shine connections.
Love the post and the Stephen Hawking photo!
Happiness surely is elusive. Service is not.
This post was just what I needed to hear today. As a new leader, I often wonder if I am happy or what makes me happy. So many ways to reframe my thinking and consider what am I doing for others, how am I contributing, etc. I love the MLK quote as well!
It is just what it says- a”pursuit ” so a daily effort is required!
Dan, this was an absolute wonderful post! Each quote is so accurate, especially the quote by Harold S. Kushner: “You don’t become happy by pursuing happiness. You become happy by living a life that means something.” I find that I truly feel happiness when I am present in the moment and appreciating where I am at any given time.
I like the quote attributed to Buddha ‘we are unhappy when we seek our own happiness, we are happy when we seek the happiness of others’ and ‘learn to let go, that is the key to happiness’.
I loved Stephen Hawking’s quote. Every day is a gift. I try to focus on what I’m doing for others instead of what is happening to me. Giving back bring happiness to the soul!
So True: Help others to help yourself! Thanks Dan
I am a leader within a large Credit Union. Today’s post was a great reminder of the larger CU philosophy of ‘People helping People’… “… using your signature strengths in the service of something larger than you are.”
I look forward to your blog everyday. It sometimes is used to settle my thoughts. always timely. thank you
Supporting and celebrating the success of others
I would love to receive a copy of ‘The Vagrant’. I have found that I get most happiness when I do for others. Over the year I have learned that true happiness has been mine when I learned what is really needed by another and then working in getting them to receive what they need – the thought that you brought joy is yours for all time.
I learned years ago that being happy and positive around others not only affects them, it affects you! No matter what, happy every day!
So many powerful quotes in this one! The one that hit home to me was: “You become happy by living a life that means something”
We get so caught up with the pursuit of happiness that we sometimes forget what truly makes us happy in the first place.
We spend way too much time in our culture searching for happiness rather than providing it.
Sometimes the rut is getting stuck in unhappiness rather than search for happiness. I am at my best when I think of neither.
Such a great reminder – “Focus on your contribution, not your happiness.”
I can attest to these concepts. Several years ago I worked what could have been called an “easy” job: low demand, relatively high pay, but I knew all my work would land in the rubbish bin immediately following shareholder meetings. I was miserable. Now I have a very demanding job with moderate pay that directly impacts the health and well being of members of my community. I could not be happier! Thanks for sharing!!!
“What are you doing when time stands still? When you forget yourself?” That resonated the most with me. When my mind is busy, I’m not thinking or worrying about my current state or the future (personal or work). This topic has inspired me to research more and bring to my leaders at work. Could be a great workshop for leadership development!
This reminds me of the difficulty in chasing humility. Seems like these are both results of other activities.
It’s no wonder there are so many unhappy people when are most natural inclination seems to be to purse it directly. Thanks for the post!
Happy people deliver better results. I see myself as chief happiness officer!
Fantastic blog Dan. I really enjoy your thoughts and insights every morning. It helps nourish my leadership.
Having a passion in life, in my work and various activities leads to happiness. Moments shared with my family and kids are the most precious.
Enjoying your work, colleagues and environment will lead to happiness as well. But it’s not always easy and that simple. Don’t sweat the small stuffs. Sometimes small things bring joy and can be a lot of fun too!
Totally agree that happiness is experienced directly but pursued indirectly – couldn’t be more true. Thank you!
I like many of the quotes but the one that sticks with me today is “Happy people deliver better results”. Working with teams filled with happy people is amazing. Working with teams that are loaded with disgruntled, complaining, negative people is draining. There is a huge difference in the results produced by happy people.
I’m sharing this post with my teenage children. So much of what they are told feeds into satisfying yourself (which is impossible) and truly pursuit of serving others and lifting them up lifts you up. Thank you for your work.
Love this post. People often fall into the trap of always needing and wanting more of something to be happy. When true happiness comes more easily and authentically from giving or doing for others. Even if it’s just giving them your time and attention.
It makes me happy when the people I supervise find solutions that contribute to the success of the team, and when the kids I coach achieve personal bests and can’t stop smiling! It also makes me just a bit happy to think of my first grandchild on the way in three months! These are all things I am all a part of in different ways that bring me great happiness.
Great post – sharing with our kids as they are inundated with the opposite message from social media.
This is so very true. The less I focus on happiness and the more I focus on just living in the moment and spreading kindness to others, the happier my days seem to be. Today my calendar says Be Kind. Be Brave. Be Silly. Be Honest. Be Happy. And if that doesn’t just sum it all up, I don’t know what does.
Even in the best of circumstances, happiness is elusive. We seek pleasant sights, sounds, tastes, sensations, and moods. However, the art of presence can be a gateway to true happiness — something Alan Watts championed more than half a century ago.
Happiness is a function of Agency, Gratitude, Empowerment & Humility
Happiness is like joy. We as leaders must seek it as our north pointing arrow and strive to reflect this as we model the way for others.
We are coming out of the woodwork to leave comments now! Haha! That has to be a leadership lesson of sorts. I do appreciate today’s lesson about happiness. I resonate with this and I’m sharing it with my wife and oldest child. Happiness will always be in relationship to good service. If I ever let my status eclipses my service I’ll surely lose Joy.
A large topic that was very eloquently put. Thanks
Hi, Dan, I hadn’t thought about happiness itself, so your post gives me a lot to think about. I think you are correct, though, in saying that happiness is secondary to actions that produce the feeling of happy. It’s amazing to me how many feelings and emotions are tied into the actions we do.
Happy and sad are some of the first emotions we teach our children. Of course, it is a lifelong journey to learn how they impact us every day.
I choose to be happy in all circumstances because I have a joy that no man can ever take from. Praise be to Jesus ✝️
What a great post and this sounds like an excellent read for anyone. I especially love the quote from MLK.
I really like the story about J.S.Mill and the Leadership Quotes on happiness today. Key Questions: What are my expectations? How can I see what I have in my hand now as a gift to me and to share with others? How do I contribute? Ahhh…that’s abundance thinking and it feels spacious.
I like this Lao Tzu quote: “Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.” https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2622245.Lao_Tzu#
Always appreciate your insight! Thanks for sharing
In each situation, if you focus on “adding value” you’ll be happy.
I had a person respond to disappointing news recently by accepting that things worked out the way the did and nothing could have changed it. She signed off with Amor Fati. Love you fate. That is where you want to be. I myself have had things turn out exactly like I was hoping they wouldn’t only to realize much later that everything turned out great.
Thank you for sharing!
Compelling and helpful post, and I affirm all the applications listed as alternatives to chasing happiness. But I humbly submit that these are still inadequate. If I’m not careful, I can pursue meaning in life, helping others and contributing to things beyond my own interests with the expectation that engaging in these things will bring me joy. And if I do, those things become my pursuit of happiness.
In my opinion, to find joy, we cannot pursue it with even an ounce of consumeristic expectation. In other words, to experience genuine, authentic joy, I must first become a joyful person. To expect my activity (what I do) to define my identity (who I am) is to live outside-in, and makes me dependent upon my environment to define me. Instead, if we live inside-out, then are defined by our values, character, etc that are timeless and unchanging. We’re then in a position to selflessly influence the people and things in our environment, thus fulfilling our purpose.
As a supervisor, I find that my happiest/proudest moments are when those I lead succeed. I see them get to places and success that they didn’t think they could get to only a few short months (or years) ago. This is what gives me joy in my work and activities. Seeing my children reach the stars they have been pushing for, given gentle nudging, encouraging and the occasional lifting up, brings the smiles and heartfelt joy. Plus…being grateful to be in the position that I am to do the things that I can do. Thank-you Dan for the post.
Great article, Dan. I also believe that leading is investing in others. I keep Maya Angela top of mind with her quote: “I’ve learned people will forget what you said, people forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.
Great article. It got me thinking about one of my favorite quotes. “Love the life you have while you create the life of your dreams. Don’t think you have to choose one over the other.” Hal Elrod
The best part about getting older is getting wiser, which in a lot of ways is about finding contentment instead of chasing some version of “happiness”. Less is more. Keep it Simple. The Secret to Happiness is Low Expectations. Practice Gratitude Everyday. Pithy but true and they all lead to making time to take better care of yourself and others. Your posts are like meditations, Dan, and very much appreciated. Thank you.
All we have is the present moment and that moment is enough. I love the concept of leading and of being. Being alive and being of service to another whenever possible. It all makes life worth living.
I have a discipline to read articles from this blog and learning from others & their perspectives but never posted myself. Let me start saying “Thank You’ for all the wisdom I gained from people here. From my view, the happiness comes truly serving others, and make at least 1 person smile per day because of our actions. Happiness is not about what you win, it is all about what you do for others.