My Boss is an Insecure Jerk – Do Over
If you believe some of the foolishness I wrote in “Help My Boss is an Insecure Jerk,” you’re limiting your career, promoting an insecure culture, and preventing organizational excellence.
After my conversation with Joel Garfinkle, I’m recanting this statement, “The worst thing you can do is threaten an insecure jerk; never do it… Don’t publicly outperform them.”
It’s true that insecure bosses instigate “cover your ass” cultures. Joel said, “One way people deal with insecure bosses is they dial down their own performance.” In the short-term that may work.
Dialing down your performance is foolish over the long-term. Let’s face it, talented employees always outperform bosses in some way; if they don’t, bosses are bottlenecks or employees aren’t that talented.
If you never do anything that threatens an insecure boss,
you’re shooting yourself and your organization in the foot.
Garfinkle offered several suggestions for dealing with insecure bosses.
Do:
- Build relationships with other people in the company.
- Give them confidence.
Don’t:
- Don’t minimize yourself.
- Don’t give your power away.
- Don’t let resentment drive you.
- Don’t go over their head.
- Don’t intentionally threaten.
- Don’t point out their fears.
My first suggestion for those with insecure bosses is find one that isn’t.
When that isn’t an option, transparency, relationships, and publicity may help. Succeed in ways that don’t directly impact their position. Take high profile roles in your organization’s community efforts, for example. I wish there were guarantees.
Sampling of input from Leadership Freak Facebook: If your boss is insecure _______.
- Be aware of triggers and work on making them feel secure.
- Mind your back and cover your butt.
- Expect them to act the opposite.
- Pray and move.
- You can’t flourish there with your talents.
- You suffer.
- Your contributions won’t be validated or recognized.
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What do insecure bosses do?
How can talented employees deal with insecure bosses?
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Post in a picture by Larry Coppenrath: My Boss is an Insecure Jerk
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Joel Garfinkle’s book:
You can never be secure working for an insecure boss. They tend to resort to words like “You’re fired!” when they feel threatened.
Dan, how did you know?
What do they do. Insecure bosses work by undermining your “authority” and security, they try to distupt relationships that they feel are threatening to their authority, and they respond poorly to people trying to help and support them.
In terms of trying to help them with their confidence, their level of paranoia seems to increase. They want help, but don’t know how to accept it. This is where building relationships should pay off.
But the stuff on your don’t list is vitally important. Don’t drowm tryong to save someone else.
Martina
@martinamchgowan
Dear Dan,
Your suggestions to dealing with insecure boss are really useful. I have experienced some of the suggestions. Recently, when I start presenting research papers in international conferences, my boss was worried that he does not have any research paper throughout the year. I understood his feelings and promised to add his name as co author in one of my research paper. That paper got published and since then my boss’s attitude is tremendously positive towards me. You need to cover them by not reveling what they are. You also need to appreciate them publicly. They are less confident people, so better way to deal with them is to talk about their strengths. Talk about their achievement and not yours. Frequent interaction with them is powerful tool for your success. Once you win their trust, they keep on assigning more tasks to you. So, you should take it positively. But when you reject them, they will show their original color. When you deal with insecure boss, be ready to work a bit more. If you are ready to work more, your life will be smoother.
One quality of insecure people is that they generally think that someone is talking to someone about them. So, when they see you talking to someone, they might perceive it unfavorably. And they might load you with more tasks with many checks about your whereabouts.
It’s unfortunate that so many people who are put in management positions resort to “jerk like” behavior and erode the work environment. What never ceases to amaze me in this day and age with all the leadership information available is that so many many managers, bosses, leaders, etc. are still behaving in such childish ways and that organizations are doing more to root it out of their workplaces. I bet that if you were to poll most workers today, the #1 reason for job dissatisfaction is because they have a boss who is a jerk. If you are one, stop it!
Dear Dan,
A very interesting post yet quite difficult to generalize the approach of dealing with an insecure boss. It varies from person to person, the hierarchy level and the work environment in which you are placed.
Adjustment and compromise are the two effective tools to keep going.Yet, it’s a short-term strategy. It’s difficult to change such boss’s work style and the perception.
The insecure bosses usually do not allow much freedom to the subordinate staff and will avoid giving any kind of recognition/ praise. They create more of obstacles and loose their anger frequently.
Things can change radically if you have a strong, professional HR Head or CEO who would understand the reality situation soon after giving a patient hearing to the lower cadre staff and their grievances shared in confidence. Good progressive organizations surely have such a congenial work atmosphere and the basic element of trust in every good employee.
Insecure bosses come in many forms, exhibit their lack of self-confidence in many ways and mask it, some quite cleverly. They are a fact of life in organizations. It should be the job of their own bosses to correct the behavior, but mostly, they don’t.
I think one way to deal with the issue is to re-frame it…
1. I have said to many people who complain about their boss that they can view it as part of their own career development. 2. The insecure boss inhibits productivity, innovation and goal attainment. With this in mind the staff person can then aim for outcomes beyond the controlling / suffocating / manipulative boss.
Never fight with the boss for control or complain publicly about them. They will find ways to punish you. Instead, be seen as someone who knows how to manage up the way.
Regularly support the boss when they are doing the right thing. Tell them in detail why you appreciate their actions, behavior, etc. Try pointing some of the positives in their not so good behavior. Don’t overdo it. The aim is to help build trust in themselves, albeit fleetingly.
Regularly refer to the team’s goals/outcomes, etc. – whatever they are. The boss will ignore them, but you will be seen to be focused. When they say really dumb things about the goals repeat their words to them.
None of these will make a significant difference to the boss, but you will be working your way to your next assignment (which you should be planning).
Dear Alan,
I liked your statement, “It should be the job of their own bosses to correct the behavior, but mostly, they don’t.”
You are also right in saying ‘Never fight with the boss for control or complain publicly about them. They will find ways to punish you.’
These are the realities of life.One need to be lucky to get a good caring, professional boss!
How to deal with an insecure boss … some thoughts
* Work to outcomes – get the job done
* Find external supporters who value your work
* Smile – keep it professional and don’t do things that make yourself a target
* Value the good bosses they arrive
Wow did I stumble upon this in a timely manner. I am working for my first, and hopefully last, JERK boss. Everything I read in the blog and comments reflect what I am currently living. My JERK stated she has never managed anyone with my intelligence and feels I am more intelligent than she is. You can imagine what kind of behaviors she is exhibiting to make herself feel better. I am now in CYA mode b/c she is attempting to put distance between us by micromanaging, cutting me off in conversations and shutting me out of projects. Others in the organization have been witness to or victim of her issues of insecurity and have brought it to the attention of her boss. That didn’t work out so well – now her boss is embroiled in a game of “who do you think you are to insinuate that my decision to make this person a manager may not have been a good one?” There’s a whole lot of crazy going on just sitting on the sidelines and watching that one play out. In the meantime I have activated my network to let them know I am looking, am trying to connect with every talent acquisition person out there trying to fill a job in my field and looking at other possibilities in my organization that report to leaders who are “without issue” (I know, everyone has issues but I’m talking the non-clinical type). I know the difference between things I can and cannot change and accept that this is not worth my effort or my dignity.
Thank you for sharing your story. Perhaps it will help other readers. You have my best wishes for a successful transition.
Sadly, organizations that keep lousy bosses lose good people.
Best,
Dan
My advice: quit and start over – try to employ yourself instead.
hmmmm i have the most insecure boss , the worst of his authority i faced it that he didnt promoted me rather a simple gradute who didnt do any thing apart from buttering my boss over me just to make me feel miserable and demotived bc i m the highest qualified and the brightest person in the whole department and above all None of HR or senior management do anything despite of the fact that they knew what he was doing …… it is a terrible feeling and m xtremly demotivated