5 Reasons You Should Stop Having One-on-Ones Immediately
Learn how to do one-on-ones well or find a career where you can work alone.
Strong relationships fuel great results.
5 reasons to stop having one-on-ones:
#1. Don’t have one-on-ones if you’re a fault-finding nitpicker.
No one wants to be around fault-finding nitpickers. People are better off without you. Close your office door. Don’t attend zoom meetings.
Orientation is the difference between fault-finding and improvement. Improvement is forward-facing and joyful. Fault-finding is backward-facing and dreadful.
#2. Don’t have one-on-ones if you’re driven by fear.
Fearful leaders give birth to paralyzed teams. Fear might motivate but it also exhausts.
Focus on small improvements in the near-term if you’re a fearful leader.
Imagined problems in the distant future paralyze progress in the near future.
#3. Don’t have one-on-ones if you neglect opportunities.
Wallowing in problems exhausts everyone, but opportunity driven leaders ignite energy.
Turn problem-centric conversations toward the future by asking, “What opportunities do you see here?”
#4. Don’t have one-on-ones if you don’t like people.
You’re a hater if people have to do everything right before you enjoy having them on the team.
List three to five things you like about your team member before your one-on-one. Do this especially if you have to correct them.
#5. Don’t have one-on-ones if you’re a blabbermouth.
Blabbermouths drain power from team members.
Powerless people never achieve radical results.
- Prepare people to talk during one-on-ones by sending questions to discuss in advance. Better yet, craft the agenda together.
- Establish a culture where employees control most of the agenda during one-on-ones. “This is your meeting.”
- Don’t interrupt. Slow your breathing. Lean back. Raise your eyebrows.
- Count to three after someone finishes speaking. You’ll be surprised what people say if you make space for them to talk.
- Ask, “And what else?”
Tip: Say, “Let’s take a walk,” when someone shows up for their next one-on-one.
What makes one-on-ones suck?
What makes a one-on-one energizing instead of draining?
What makes one-on-ones suck? Depending on the relationships it can be difficult to knock someone down who feels they did nothing wrong, complexity is if your dealing with rules and regulations that everyone must follow. The “Scoff law experts” that they claim to be, need to understand these errors can be costly whether its OSHA, MSHA, NEC, etc. Sometimes mistakes costs lives or bodily injury, so we have to be on top of the procedures allowing everyone to go home to their families at the end of the day.
On the non-regulated side there still can be rules and procedures whether Corporate or personalized by employers that need followed, the actual part that is disheartening if those who need one on one aren’t getting it, may determine another path needs to be followed.
What makes a one-on-one energizing instead of draining? When the meeting is intended to build the individuals up from and educational stand, “They can’t fix it” if they don’t know, education is a lifetime journey we learn something new everyday if we admit that we are lacking in the knowledge base department.
I have monthly one-on-ones with my staff that are interested in meeting with me and it is more of a coaching effort, not an effort to bring one down. These meetings are positive and were started when I first joined the company and wanted to get to know my new staff. That was what I was thinking with the title of this blog post. Whew, I think I am doing things right!
Dan great post starting with the picture of what I assume are two wolves. Wolves are perfect to illustrate this leadership message:
-they are very social with a clear hierarchy in their pack
-fear can not exist in a Wolf pack in the wild
-their communication skills are much better than ours: scent, sound and body language
-the lead alpha female makes most of the big decisions: often leads the hunt and decides where they live
We can learn a lot from wolves and other animals!
Brad
Brad James, author The Business Zoo
Being retired from a position that required frequent one-on-one discussions, your headline for this post set me aback until I read the content. An absolutely great list for avoiding the most common pitfalls that make such discussions “suck,” as you say. Beyond just “not sucking,” these ideas are key to maximizing the results of one-on-ones, and making them a valuable tool rather than a dreaded necessity. I am especially fond of “Count to three after someone finishes speaking. You’ll be surprised what people say if you make space for them to talk.” I found that one invaluable for getting to people’s most sincere input vs. their off-the-cuff responses and saying what they think you want them to say. Well done (again)!
All of these are variations of the same thing: only have a one-on-one if your goal is really and truly to help the other person. Even if what you have to say is negative, you need to focus on making sure they are getting more value out of the one-on-one than you are.
Hi Dan and all,
Great post today, most practices can be used all the time, not only in one-on-one. Good reminder not to let frustration with errors etc bleed into generalized nit-picking. The best tip? ” Let’s go for a walk.” Not sure about ya’ll but I don’t think all my best insights have erupted sitting across a desk staring my boss in the face. Maybe, even none of them 🙂 It’s great to get outside . Cheers
What makes one on ones so painful is that you as an employee are under a microscope for your livelihood. Most companies make one on ones mandatory and requisite for pay raises and bonuses. I do like how you broke down some ideas for making them less business like and more of an opportunity to learn and grow.