Surprising new research from the University of Texas suggests that people who often say "I" are less powerful and less sure of themselves than those who limit their use of the word. Frequent "I" users subconsciously believe they are subordinate to the person to whom they are talking.
Pronouns, in general, tell us a lot about what people are paying attention to, says James W. Pennebaker, chair of the psychology department at the University of Texas at Austin and an author on the study. Often, people using "I" are being self-reflective. But they may also be self-conscious or insecure, in physical or emotional pain, or simply trying to please.
Dr. Pennebaker has found heavy "I" users across many people: Women (who are typically more reflective than men), people who are more at ease with personal topics, younger people, caring people as well as anxious and depressed people.
All his work leads Dr. Pennebaker to conclude: "You should use 'I' the same way you use a speedometer on your car—as feedback on yourself," he says. "Are you being genuine? Are you being honest? Learn to adjust some, to know yourself."
Source: The Wall Street Journal, October 8, 2013
To own our power is to be who we are.
In this concept, power is not aggressive or domineering, rather it is to be sovereign; supreme excellence or an example of it is at the root of this word. Being who we are does not say "present who we are" which implies seeking approval and/or permission of others. The fear of owning our power is negatively reflected in so many ways--speaking in a breathy manner; a high-pitched tone (especially for women); equivocal phrases such as "I think" or "I mean"; while noise such as "ums" and "uhs" that habitually permeate every conversation; avoiding eye contact when speaking to another or when not listening to another; and speaking too rapidly for fear of taking too much time are but a few examples.
At some point in our lives, we confront being ineffective, afraid, even emotionally immobilized. Beyond going into therapy, joining Toastmasters, finding a coach or reading self-help books, we do not necessarily know what to do about this.
A handful of business leaders, including Jack Welch, whose drive, passion, belief system and commitment are not simply communicated in their rhetoric, but embodied in the tones of their voices, through their body language, in the very sinews of who they are. It may seem intangible but, frankly, it is not.
Voice is power; it does not discriminate.
It is how we wield this power that makes the difference. This communication is subliminally conveyed through pitch, timbre, volume, energy, willpower, conviction--these are but a few of the elements that compel us to listen.
Communication mastery is not mastering one's prowess as a great communicator, but it is also discovering how to be and do something in a profoundly committed way and there is no on/off switch. It is the commitment to live life to the best of your ability on your terms, as well as to communicate integrally and masterfully at all times, not only when you are doing what you do but when being who you are. This is the key to success in business and in life.
Every public encounter is a performance because someone is watching. How do we perform authentically? How do we genuinely and comfortably simply represent ourselves as we choose to be, and not inauthentically present in an unconscious, habituated way?
This applies, not only to critical moments, but in everyday conversation, which is where the majority of our life is lived. When we "perform," we accomplish something. In our work, we learn what it takes to be ourselves, to accomplish a task, and to fulfill that possibility at all times.
Source: Arthur Samuel Joseph: Vocal Leadership: 7 Minutes a Day to Communication Mastery, with a foreword by Roger Goodell
Bill Lane: Jacked Up: The Inside Story of How Jack Welch Talked GE into Becoming the Worlds Greatest Company