5 Simple Ways to Make Progress with Defensive Employees
Defensive employees feel threatened. Constructive feedback elevates resistance. Pressure increases suspicion.
You cause pain when you challenge defensive employees. Move forward anyway.
7 dangers of defensiveness:
- Lack of ownership. Defensiveness refuses to be responsible.
- Blame. Problems are caused by others or systems. When you press defensiveness, you receive blame. You’re doing something wrong.
- Closed ears. Defensiveness instinctively refutes uncomfortable suggestions.
- Self-justification by accusation. You can’t hold me accountable when others do the same thing. Defensiveness uses fairness as a weapon.
- Sarcasm. Defensiveness distracts you from real issues. Distraction weakens.
- Attacking the messenger. Defensive employees complain, “You don’t see the whole picture.” Perfection is a tool of invalidation. Imperfect perception is reason to ignore you.
- History justifies the present. You don’t have a right to bring up something you did in the past.
5 ways to make progress with defensive employees:
#1. Acknowledge feelings before addressing concerns.
Everything centers on emotion until feelings are given recognition.
A person who doesn’t feel understood focuses on being understood.
Acknowledging isn’t agreeing.
You could ask, “What does it feel like when I bring up this concern?”
Acknowledging isn’t apologizing.
Give real time feedback. Don’t say, “I’m sorry you feel this way.“ Say, “I noticed your voice went up. What’s going on for you?”
#2. Listen, don’t react.
Notice when people avoid.
Ask ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions when defensive employees weasel out of real concerns. Open-ended questions leave too much wiggle room for defensiveness.
#3. Declare positive intention.
Don’t assume. Explain your best intentions.
#4. Draw a line in the sand.
Don’t negotiate; give choices.
Move forward even if it’s uncomfortable. “I realize this feels uncomfortable, but these are your choices.”
Never make threats; include consequences.
#5. Examine yourself.
You contribute to every situation you’re in.
What are you doing that might invite defensiveness?
What suggestions do you have for dealing with defensive employees?
Still curious:
How to Defeat the Subtleties of Defensiveness in yourself
How to Give Feedback To A Defensive Employee So They Will Listen
Thanks for this! You hit the nail on the head. I had an employee for 13 years who exhibited these qualities; sometimes more, sometimes less. It can be hard to objectively assess how much of the problem is them and how much is you, when they are so good at pointing the finger elsewhere.
Hi Dan,
It’s been a long time since I commented. The nature of my position has changed which is gradually making me more responsible for helping others meet expectations. I started reading this thinking about how others resist until I got about halfway I and started thinking “Jeez—this sounds a lot like me”. Great stuff for making progress with other AND self-reflection!
Defensive people make me on edge, and probably more defensive also. It can be hard to have these discussions, but these are great tips and will be posted for me to remind myself before going into these types of discussions.
This is helpful for when I might get defensive — usually in the #6 category when somebody’s ignoring important other factors. But what if that bigger picture perspective is valid, or at least deserves consideration?
And on the other side of the coin, how might readers apply the ideas in this post to making progress with defensive management in order to air questions, concerns, and ideas that could serve the organization well?
Great post. Challenging to see myself in the top 7 items. Dang it. I’ll be looking to use the 5 treatments more skillfully with myself and my team.
Wow, Dan! This one has a lot of applications for marriage, too. And I’m another one with sore toes after reading this one. Thank you!
“Defensive employees feel threatened.” One cause of defensiveness can be fear of not being up to par, not being able to deliver all that is needed. #1, Acknowledge feelings before addressing concerns, provides a way for the fear to be addressed up front.