The Empathy Advantage: 7 Reasons Empathy Matters in the Real World
Empathy is good for business. It’s not making excuses, feeling sorry, or trying to fix.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
7 reasons empathy matters in the real world:
- Employee retention and engagement.
- Positive culture.
- Customer service.
- Trust.
- Collaboration.
- Creativity.
- Crisis management.
Why people struggle to show empathy:
- Affirming feels weak.
- Judging people through the lens of your strengths feels right. You think, “I’ve been through worse. Deal with it.”
- Fixing is your default mode.
- Business advantages of empathy escape you.
- Getting stuff done is all that matters.
5 ways to practice empathy:
#1. Provide eye contact.
Let people know you see them by looking them in their eyes at least long enough to see their eye color. If looking in someone’s eyes feels awkward look at a spot between their eyebrows.
#2. Mirror expressions.
Mirroring lets people know you’re listening.
Match tone, volume, and facial expressions. It’s rude to smile when someone is crying.
Tip: Don’t mirror anger. Adopt a comfortable tone. When someone is angry, soften your tone.
#3. Practice open postures.
- Face forward.
- Open your arms.
- Uncross your legs.
- Lean forward a bit.
#4. Name emotions.
Tell people what you notice and ask them what’s going on for them. I notice you aren’t smiling as much as usual. What’s going on for you?
Agree on a name. “So, you’re saying you feel discouraged?”
Naming enables managing.
When you name an emotion, situation, problem, or opportunity you build a platform for action.
#5. Listen.
Put your fixer-self on the shelf.
Ask questions that help people express themselves. Avoid judgements. When people tell you how they feel – it’s how they feel.
When someone says, “I’m at the end of my rope,” say, “That’s a tough place to be. What’s going on for you?”
Tip: The secret sauce to connecting is being genuine.
What makes empathy difficult?
What practices enable leaders to engage empathetically?
Still curious:
“Truly great book. A concise account of honesty, humility, and congruence. These are the best gifts this book offers to readers!” Reader’s comment after finishing our new book, The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership.
What makes empathy difficult? Many people are more interested in stating what they are thinking and feeling than learning what the other person is thinking and feeling.
What practices enable leaders to engage empathetically? Drop your assumptions. Don’t assume you know what the person is thinking and feeling. Take time to find out. You may be surprised.
Very helpful, Paul. Your insight re: drop your assumptions is a great way to counter act our natural tendency to judge quickly.
As a fixer, I was provided with some valuable advice decades ago that has helped me to open a conversational bridge to empathy. Not always easy, and still working on it after all these years…
Consider 3 stages of progress: negative, neutral, and positive. Determine where the other person is, then move ONE step closer to positive. This helped me overcome my desire to skip neutral and push everyone to positive – which had only resulted in alienating me from them. I learned that if someone was negative, go to neutral (and listen). If/When they meet you at neutral, move to positive. Hopefully they will join you there.
Best book, short and easily digestible book for engaging empathetically is “Listening Well: The Art of Empathic Understanding” by William R Miller. It’s presented in a way that is easy to connect in whatever your circumstances are.
Hi Dan
Empathy becomes difficult, when the task(s) distract us from people. In addition, when we are not “present” when speaking with others, i.e., thinking about what you want for dinner, the next appointment you need to drive to, the physical stamina level we currently have.
Oh… and this one is convicting: how “valuable” is the person in front of me? Few would admit this, but if the person in front of me cannot provide a value for me or my organization, empathy vaporizes …quickly.