“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but few think of changing themselves.” Leo Tolstoy
As people become more self-aware, they are usually amazed at the abilities of the conscious mind to choose, handle situations with deliberation, and behave appropriately for different occasions.
On the flip side, the unconscious mind is a powerful force driving our behavior. Within our unconscious lie veiled assumptions and beliefs that formulate what is called default behavior. The dictionary defines default as the “failure to perform a task or fulfill an obligation,” which means that default behaviors are reactive responses that occur when we fail to consider the appropriate response.
Becoming aware of our personal reactive tendencies is crucial if we want to make sense of our toxic behaviors, understand why we have permitted these gremlins to continue, and develop a plan for taming them.
Effective leaders know that what people value deeply will move them most powerfully in their work.
Because these leaders are aware of their own guiding principles, values, vision, assumptions and beliefs, they practice the art of not automatically defaulting to a behavior that is inappropriate for the situation. Instead, they focus on appropriate situational behaviors.
Unless we are conscious of our default behaviors, we will automatically return to them. We can make choices about our behaviors only when we are aware of them.
Here is a mental model worth memorizing and using:
BELIEFS influence perception.
PERCEPTION structures our reality.
REALITY suggests possibilities.
POSSIBILITIES generate choices.
CHOICES initiate actions.
ACTIONS affect outcomes.
OUTCOMES impact beliefs.
Source: When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women (ebook at $.99)
When Doing It All Won't Do: A Self-Coaching Guide for Career Women--Workbook Edition--(Paperback at $13.41)