One-On-Ones: 7 Powerful Phrases to Use
You spend large amounts of time talking. Embrace the transformative power of one-on-one conversations.
Words are hammers. Your hammer gets heavier when you earn respect.
Believe in the power of words. You devalue your ability to influence when you say, “No one really cares what I say.”
Before one-on-ones:
Set an intention before you open your mouth.
Are you striving to instruct, build, correct, encourage? Choose words that express your intention.
Imagine your words have weight. Allow the power of words to influence the way you use words. Only a fool spews words with disregard for their impact.
Tip: You don’t need to say everything you think.
7 powerful phrases to use in one-on-ones:
- I love your…. Name qualities that align with organizational values – passion, determination, vision, empathy, openness. Tell people you respect them.
- You aren’t helping yourself when…. Teach people to avoid self-defeating behaviors.
- When I see you at your best, I see you ….
- I notice you (something good). Keep it up.
- You belong here.
- You earned this opportunity.
- I want you beside me during this challenge.
10 Powerful questions to use in one-on-ones:
- How are you feeling?
- On a scale of 1:10 what level of challenge are you at? Show interest in well-being.
- What are you learning?
- What do you want to do differently moving forward?
- What’s working?
- How can you take yourself to the next level?
- What would you like to ask?
- What should I be asking?
- I wonder if _______ holds you back?
- How is your confidence level? What could you do to raise your confidence?
The rule:
The #1 rule of leadership communication is: Only open your mouth to make something better.
How many times have words changed your perspective. You shift, for example, from defeat to opportunity when someone asks, “What are you learning?”
What are some of the best and worst things you’ve heard or said during one-on-ones?
What’s your go-to statement or question you like to use?
Still curious:
The Top 10 Rules for Talking Like a Leader
How to Measure the Impact of Words
Avoid Enemies of Energy in Workplace, Advises Rockwell | NIH Record
My most effective mentor and former boss taught me to close one-on-one communications on a positive and forward-facing tone, with an impetus toward action. Two phrases that I believe you have discussed previously come to mind: “What’s next?” and “Do it now.” were frequently his concluding words. Although he passed in 2014, I can still hear him saying these words as I open my mouth to speak them myself.
There is so much to absorb and apply from this post, given the importance of one-on-one communication in being an effective leader. Although I take some satisfaction from being an intentional good listener, the power of the well-chosen and well-timed word can’t be overlooked!
Thanks again for your continuing work and influence.
Thanks Jim. It’s wonderful to see someone who has made a difference for you showing up in your life. It’s one of my most gratifying moments. They say, “Be yourself.” Sometimes it’s great to “be someone else”. Of course we do it with integrity. But, to me, it feels great.
thanks for the suggestions and reminders.
What’s your go-to statement or question you like to use?
What can I do to help you____________________?
Thanks Paul. Who wouldn’t want to hear the boss regularly saying, What can I do to help? I also notice the blank line suggests specificity. Love it.
The “Only a fool spews words with disregard for their impact.” was convicting. Thinking how put my response in a question has been my best solution so far. I also like to start the conversation with “I need your help”. Everyone wants to know their input into our lives is valued. Don’t forget to end with “how can I help you?”
Thanks Lyndon. It convicts me too, especially if I let my mind wander into some of the stupid things I did in the past. Love “I need your help,” it feels humble and open. Plus, you never know what you might learn!
You remind me of questions like:
What do you think?
What would you do if you were in this situation?
Great stuff here. One I’ve started using lately: “What’s an obstacle I can help move out of the way for you?” I’m finding this working well when people feel stuck, as sometimes they realize they don’t need anything direct from me, and sometimes there is a very specific need that in my role I’m the one that can provide.
Brilliant Fraser! “How can I help,” is a great question. The specificity of “What obstacle,” gives the listener focus. There’s a place for broad/open questions. I also feel the power of asking an open question with a narrower focus.
Another cracking post Dan. If, as a reader of this, you didn’t come away with at least one nugget of insight you’re either not paying attention or you are already a guru!
Thank you sir. A good word is fuel in my tank.