5 Things That Should Increase Happiness but Usually Don’t
Employee happiness is declining even though autonomy, pay, and time off are increasing.
Many large companies increased investment in employees by 20% through the COVID years. At the same time the number of people who dread work has risen by 11% since 2020. (WSJ)
Image by Gisela Merkuur from Pixabay
5 Things that should increase happiness but usually don’t:
- Less stress leads to boredom, not happiness.
- Minimum effort doesn’t elevate mood. People who do as little as possible end up resentful.
- Raises and promotions give temporary bumps in mood. The pursuit of advancement means you’re always looking for the next thing. (Hedonic Treadmill)
- Working at home means you can’t escape work. Team members feel unsupported and disconnected.
- Self-care makes people self-centered when it is the goal of life.
4 ways to improve well-being:
#1. Talk to people.
The #1 factor in personal happiness is social connection. That’s why working from home has a dark side.
- Talk to people face-to-face.
- Learn about people.
- Show concern for people.
- Tell people about yourself.
Even introverts are happier when they force themselves to talk to people.
#2. Be otherish.
The “get” life impoverishes. The “give” life enriches.
Well-being is more about giving yourself than finding yourself. Find yourself so you can give yourself away.
Self-care is necessary to be otherish because serving requires energy.
“You don’t become happy by pursuing happiness. You become happy by living a life that means something.” Harold S. Kushner
#3. Enjoy small stuff.
The hedonic treadmill sucks happiness out of life because hopes for more belittle what you have. Enjoy the taste of coffee. A walk isn’t a chore, it’s a delight.
Presence is paying attention to what you’re doing now.
#4. Don’t worry about happiness so much.
The aggressive pursuit of positive emotion makes people miserable. Those who most value positive emotion experience it the least.
What improves well-being?
What do we believe increases well-being but doesn’t?
Still curious:
How to Find Happiness in Leadership
A Surprising Thing You Can Do for Yourself
The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness
Humility and self-reflection strengthen leaders for the battle. Click here to check out, The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership. It’s a wonderful tool for leaders facing challenges.
Do you think your book would be tangible and useful to a college student who is achievement oriented and ambitious? I really enjoy discovering your thoughts every morning before I begin my work and was hoping to funnel some of this wisdom to my 19 year old who may be too focused on his goal to enjoy the journey. What are your thoughts? Thank you!
Hi Shahrooz. Thanks for asking. The main character is a young leader whose aspirations work against him. If you college student has aspirations and hopes to do more than get by in life, then The Vagrant is perfect.
A book about humility presents and interesting challenge. I love the story because it isn’t preachy. Readers get to see themselves in the main character and learn some practices to protect them from shooting themselves in the foot.
Sounds like you described my son : )
Thanks Dan!
Great post, Dan. Lots of wisdom here! While I already knew much of this, it is important to remember when I’m feeling dissatisfied. As I have reached mid-life, I am really realizing the value of social connection. As an introvert and Type A personality, I tend to be more task and project oriented even in my personal life, at the expense of developing and nurturing relationships. I am trying to change this!
Thanks Julie. If I could go back, I would pay much more attention to relationships. I’m an introvert, too. I comfortable with my own company. I’ve had to learn the importance and power of building relationships. Cheers.
Wonderful post, Dan. Thank you.
Thanks, PetrosT. Cheers
Hi Dan,
Great post overall but I was wondering if you could expand on this point some
“Less stress leads to boredom, not happiness.”
I am having a hard time understanding this perspective.
Thanks for asking, Ashley. We need reasonable levels of stress to make things interesting. Here’s an example, Our kids played Shoots and Ladders when they were little. It’s not challengeing (stressful) enough to be interesting to adults. When the kids show up for holidays they often play Risk. It’s filled with strategy and tension but it’s not overwhelming.
Some stress is good. Being overwhelmed with stress is destructive.
You might look at the research on FLOW. To get into a flow state there needs to be reasonable levels of challenge.
Hope that helps.
Thanks for clarifying. I definitely agree with the concept needing “challenges”
I trend toward thinking of stress as a negative and overwhelming but I suppose they are on the same continuum.
BTW I am more of Jenga girl myself.
lots of tension in Jenga. 🙂
This post summarizes a personal experience I have been working on all year. I spent this year, trying to find opportunities to challenge myself and go do things with people, real people, rather than WFH all the time. I’m definitely happier this year.
I’m a Software Development Manager and in my career I have lead countless developers that LOVE to be introverted and love to ‘automate things because we are lazy’ (myself included). However, this hits the nail on the head that challenge and real connection are where it is at. And I see the connection to those that are most unhappy are the ones that embrace the first 5 and avoid the bottom 4.
This post is definitely one of the best of the year Dan!
Thanks for the good word, Jeff. It’s a delight to be useful. Love that you bring up lazy. The good side of lazy is automation. The bad side of lazy is lack of initiative.
It great to see someone in the tech industry embrace the value of relationships. It’s not just you folks, everyone needs it. I’m convinced in the AI age, humanity will rise to our most important value.