How Give-and-Take Multiplies Talent and Influence
I’d never thrive as a fire chief.
Curiosity comes naturally to me. It’s unnatural for me to make statements before asking questions. If you ask me one question, I’ll ask you four.
The ease and speed of talent confuses and frustrates others.
Give-and-take multiplies the impact of talent by giving people a chance to catch up.
3 ways to use give-and-take:
#1. Expand your lens.
Talent assumes other people see the world through the same lens. But people wonder what I’m after when I’m pelting them with questions.
It’s hard for me to imagine that some people don’t enjoy asking questions. What’s wrong with them?
Give-and-take:
- Tell people what you notice.
- Ask people to explain what they notice about people and projects.
I’ve noticed that people who anticipate problems often complain about low commitment. It might surprise you to know that many problem anticipators become highly committed once their concerns are answered.
#2. Explain your motivation.
When talented problem anticipators forget to explain their motivation, they seem negative, critical, and uncaring. But the opposite is true. They’re protecting people from failure.
#3. Explore their purpose.
Genius is acting without thinking.
Your talent is your genius. I don’t think about asking questions. I just ask them. A talented problem anticipator doesn’t think about pointing out problems. They just do. (It’s actually energizing.)
Before pointing out problems, engage in give-and-take.
- What are you trying to accomplish?
- What’s your goal?
- What’s important to you about this?
Give a bit of yourself when people explain their purpose. “So, you want to improve engagement. I know what you mean. I’ve worked in places that sucked the life out of me. This is an important project.”
Affirmation lowers resistance and increases influence.
How has the ease and speed of your talent frustrated others?
How might talented people increase the usefulness of their talent?
Bonus material:
How to Increase Your Influence at Work (HBR)
How to Increase Your Influence (Science of People)
4 Key Influence Skills to Strengthen Your Ability to Influence Others (CCL)
“Give and take” helps clarify and pinpoint the goal and plan.
To be a “talented problem anticipator” you have to first understand the goal and plan.
Talented people increase the usefulness of their talent by consistently speaking up and adding their insights and ideas to the discussion.
Thanks Paul. Perhaps our talent gets in the way of understanding problems because we respond so quickly?
Asking questions is commonplace for me as a Leadership Coach. The exchange is to both peel back the issue, because most challenges are just the surface of the situation. The questions tend to give depth to the exchange.
Secondly, due to the structure of the dialogue, the person or persons trying to articulate the issue learns more as a “skill” in problem solving, thus possibly minimizing the emotional aspects of the issue or situation.
Thanks Gregory. I’m glad you jumped in today.
Seeing the most probable results of a plan instantly is a curse … You have to reverse engineer your epiphany in a manner that others can experience it before they get too invested in the plan.
Good planners have to do this often, and in several ways at once. Desire/objective, influence/capacity, meaning/utility and purpose/integrity – strategy – all need to be aligned and mutually reinforcing.
It ain’t easy, but it is necessary. Someone’s gotta do it.
Thanks Rurbane. When you ask a genius how they did it, they probably can’t explain it.
To “give and take” seems to become a way of life for many. It’s nice when some one gives out of kindness yet othere take out of greed. To use and be used can get old fast. Learn to spot the talent in others and help them grow to their fullest. Don’t hold them back just because they are better, built them to their best.
After all ” if we build the best better”, what a world it could be.
Thanks Tim. I’m not sure if I should, but your comment reminds me that it’s not easy to help someone be better than you.
Dan, Yes its not easy, yet reality is yes. Thus I always say “be all you can be”.
There is always somewhere that is better, just be your best.