How to Make People Feel Powerful
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Dominant, controlling leaders complain about helpless followers. They say things like, “No one takes initiative.”
The more control you exercise,
the less power they feel.
The more you say, “No,”
the more helpless they feel.
The more you rein in
the less initiative they take.
Controlling leaders:
- Prefer powerless followers, even though they complain about them. Controlling leaders teach helplessness.
- Focus on conformity. Forced conformity propagates learned helplessness.
- Produce, “It doesn’t matter,” attitudes. Someone wants to make it better and you say, “No.” Say no enough and helplessness sets in.
Five words you never want to hear, “What I do doesn’t matter.” How are you giving authority and control while expecting results?
How are you making people feel powerful?
Feeling powerful:
- Give control; expect results.
- Think focus not control. How can you focus energy, talent, and resources on what matters now? Establish focal points. Sideways energy – people pulling in different directions – frustrates and contributes to feelings of helplessness.
- Propagate happiness. Sadness and discouragement fuel helplessness. Happy people feel powerful.
- Make decisions. Indecisive leaders propagate “it doesn’t matter” attitudes.
- Expect and celebrate solutions. Provide room for falling short and fixing their own problems.
- Remain available but don’t help unless invited. Too much hands-off feels like abandonment. But, meddling teaches helplessness.
- Shift your view of complaints. Powerless people complain without offering solutions. Teach optimistic complaining. After hearing a complaint or concern, ask, “What do you suggest?”
- Follow your talent. Where employees can take you is more important than where you want to go.
- Find “yes.” “No” drains; “yes” ignites.
- Channel don’t stifle. Withhold frustration with initiative and passion. Find outlets and expressions.
Bonus: Think partner not employee.
How can leaders give power and expect results?
Well considering I am powerless I am not going to give anyone else any power. Pretty simple stuff.
I cannot transmit to others something I do not have.
There is one who has all Power, that one is God. May you find him now.
Thy will not mine be done.
Works much better for me based on my experience.
Just how I roll.
I concur
The Dude Abides
Shifterp back to the present
Thanks Scott, Taking powerless to include we don’t have talent or the ability to make decisions, even the decision that we are powerless takes powerlessness too far.
Cheers
Yes Dan that is one way of looking at it.
SP
All my life I strived to rise to high positions. Why? I wanted the power that high positions hold. I now realize that, indeed I have no power to give or take away. It requires a different mindset and a humble one to say the least. I have to work on this every day…to kill self so that i can get off the power trip. Thanks for the note. Now I understand what Paul meant when he said, “I die daily.”
Dear Chris, “That is SO GREAT”!!!!! Flounder….Animal House
Yeah work all that time with all that effort and get to…..drumroll… “Zero point Zero”!!!! President of Faber!!!
Or keep attempting to wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world only if you manage it well. Dead bang loser strategy JUST speaking for myself.
Surrender to win baby that ego can’t be whupped!!!!
SP back to right here, right now!!!! Only real place there is!!!!
Great list. I would also add lifting them up in public, and offering constructive feedback in private. I see too many “leaders” criticize in front of others (I believe it makes them feel powerful), but it crushes power and confidence. A truly helpful leader has intimate conversations at such times.
Thanks Karin,
Wonderful add to the conversation. I particularly enjoy the public/private contrast.
Cheers
Dear Dan,
Few days back, I was discussing with my friends about how people make their minds about anythings.There are people who have already made opinion. There are people, who influence their thought process through information. And there are people who expect things in their framework. When things confirm their thinking style, they accept it. We can categorize three categories of people here- one who has already set his mind based on external appearance of object, second who keeps on shaping his opinions based on information, and third the person is the one whose mind is already set based on his framework.
So, leaders in any two category tend to withhold power and hence should not expect results. Second category of leaders always sense external environment and understand the factors shaping relationship and performance. And leaders fall in second category can expect results. Any leaders who has judgmental capability quickly may not make employees express their views candidly. Similarly, leaders who expects others to support his ideas may not encourage people.
I think, there are two things that can make people powerful- not being judgmental and keeping minds open to learn, accept and appreciate. “I know all” attitude is dangerous symptom that keeps employees idea blocked.
Thanks Ajay,
I hadn’t thought about the application of an open mind in this conversation. I see how it applies in many ways. For example, asking people for input requires willingness to hear and, when appropriate, adapting. Great add.
Best
Thanks Dan – a good jolt to the brain as usual. I would start with – Treat them as People, and further treat them as aspirational People. It’s easy for us to ignore that someone has the same or greater relative aspirations as we do, if we deny them that, it’s very hard for them to feel powerful. even if they are without significant aspiration if we treat them as though we believe they do it will likely carry over to their approach and demeanour. If anyone ever treat us as ‘small’ it’s very hard to feel powerful (easy to feel totally pissed however!).
Dan- i think your blog makes a lot of us feel powerful exactly because you validate each and every one of us. Thankyou.
.
Thanks Richard,
You gave me a mental jolt, too. I think it’s easy to believe that others don’t have aspirations because their aspirations are different from ours. That’s a challenging thought.
Thanks for the good word… here’s to a great weekend
I’ve experienced the painful burden of working under dominant and controlling leadership with a previous employer. You are dead on with your observations. The leadership team came in and with them came a slow and systematic annihilation of the core team and its talents. Suddenly strengths were no longer being utilized they were being suppressed…It was more about “their way” than the “right/efficient/effective way. This created a very stressful and demoralizing work environment. It lowered morale, decreased productivity and increased error. Everything was about finding fault rather than developing talent. My saving grace in this situation was to get assigned by the leadership team to a “new role.” This role was really a demotion based on the duties I was responsible for but they didn’t change my title or touch my pay so I said to myself, “Oh well make the best of it.” What they tried to use to make me quit was actually THE BEST thing they could have every done for me. I was now assigned exclusively to a particular group and didn’t have to interact as much with the overbearing leadership. This new group I was assigned to service was awesome. They empowered me, supported me, gave me latitude and let me do what I do best. They often sung my praises to my superiors much to their dismay. I turned the operation around that I was assigned and never received any acknowledge of my efforts from the tyrant although what I was able to accomplish was phenomenal. Not bragging but I made a significant impact and while others received accolades I received silence. I said all of this to say that your article resonates with me because after enduring a very challenging work situation it taught me a lot about the do’s and don’ts of motivating people. Thanks!
Hats off to you Enna. I’m thankful you shared your story! I find it compelling.
Enna, I bet if you change the way you tell that story to yourself you can change the way you experience the memory of it.
Know this is silly but I have found it life changing.
Tell yourself the same story using an Elmer Fudd voice in your head. Keep doing it even when it seems ridiculously silly.
When you resense painful experiences the same way over and over you get what you always got. Pain. Interesting thing to keep giving yourself, yes?
If you only change the voice tone, inflection, cadence it begins to break apart the way you experience that past event.
When you feel differently about this past experience you can determine if it still has the same meaning to you. Bet ya don’t!!!!!
It is like having a new pair of glasses great book by the way by chuck c and published by new look publications.
Anyway just thought what I used before that drastically helped me might be of service to you.
Take what u like and leave the rest.
Scott
Thanks for the feedback!
U are very welcome
Hope one day u try this silly solution and see if it works.
What u got to lose?
One other thing to ponder .
If we knew each other and were friends and everytime I saw you you told me that story you know what I would do?
Hope you would not tell me again, it is kind of a downer as stories goes. You know not like a cool story with puppies and stuff. Not warm and fuzzy.
So I’d avoid you or wish you would tell me a different story.
Odd thing is I bet you told you that story hundreds if not thousands of times. If you are like me that is.
Isn’t it odd we tell ourselves lousy painful stories over and over?
Once I realized I do this I concluded if you treated me like I treat me I would most likely have to kill you!!!! Lol
Metaphorically speaking if course.
So today the stories I tell me about my experiences are nothing short of SPECTACULAR!!!! Humdingers!!!!
Why not I am the one making the stories about me up, right? And if not me who is making up these stories? Waldo? Lol who is choosing to repeat them over and over in my head? If someone did something to me once if I feel it later I am the one doing it to me then. Ouch!
Anyway just what helps me and hope one say it might be insightful to you.
Take care.
SP
Thats true. Not everything we experience is warm and fuzzy but it can strengthen us for the journey ahead.
Dear Enna,
I appreciate your courage and belief in yourself. I too have experienced such situations but I did differently. I analyzed the symptom whether such obstacles will be there for longer time or shorter time. And when I found that it is deep rooted and one can not do anything rather than to suffer, especially those who believe in honesty, ethics and work, then I decided to quit the job. Those, it was a hard decision and initially I suffered also, but I am much more in better position in all the way.
I believe you are the person of belief, principles and direction. I also appreciate your learning from the toxic people and environment.
Regards
Ajay
Thank you! I made a decision to seek out a new opportunity as a result and it has worked out in my favor also!
It’s tempting when someone DOES ask for help to swoop in and complete the project for them. But what is the ultimate goal? Is it to complete a task or raise up a new leader? If the goal is simply to complete a task, you’re more acting more machine than mentor.
Wow! Nailed it. Thanks Justin.
As a leader (regardless of my personal beliefs), while I may not have “ultimate power,” I do have power/authority over those who report to me or work for me. I feel that part of the responsibility that comes with such a role is to do whatever I can to empower others. Otherwise, I’m simply a feudal lord overseeing the serfs who manage my lands . . . maintaining a “management” culture that has extreme limitations.
Thanks Scott,
Although some may resist the term “serfs,” when we get right down to it, thats the way some leaders view “their” people.
Cheers
My daughter used to work at a restaurant and came up with an ingenious solution to a challenge the kitchen had. The kitchen staff and manager liked and implemented her idea. Her boss, the restaurant manager, didn’t like it and took it down. Guess how many more ingenious ideas she came up with?
Bingo! Sad but true.
Every day you write great ways to lead and be productive and likable leaders. Most of all you are advice has to do with eating humble pie, because that is what it takes to change learned bad habits. I think that if a leader is here to learn it speaks volumes and if he or she listens they should do well. I think that I would not mind working for any boss that subscribes to your blog.
Thank you for growing some great leaders.
God bless
Kymee
Thanks Kymee,
A good word is a thing of beauty.
Leaders can give power by expecting that people will do their best as a starting point. People should not have to prove to you that they are competent and professional. As a leader, you should expect this from your people upfront. Let them show you otherwise by their actions. Give them the benefit of the doubt. It should not be the other way around, where they need to show you their worth before you empower them. Trust and empower upfront and let them conquer the world. This is not always easy to do. Our egos and self-preservation instincts get in the way. Expect the best.
Thanks Chris,
Wonderful contribution. Just close your eyes and imagine how it feels to feel like someone doubts you or they believe in you. Which one makes you feel powerful.
Cheers
Wonderful post my friend! i strongly believe that people who work with you are teammates! you have to treat them well and everyday encourage positivism and help them whenever you can. That’s will help them to be more powerful! best wishes!
Hello Dan,
Great topic. I have been thinking lately about how partners feel at the end of the day when they go home. Does the interaction with leaders empower them at work and home? So they can live a full life. I also wonder if people that are “control freaks” are at their core really scared people because they can’t align with anything new. Sorry testament to the mental models they live with.
Mary-Ann
Wonderful post as usual. Great leaders often don’t pry and encourage others to empower themselves. Positive environments create positive experiences.
A trick is to know when to lead from the front and when to lead from behind. Both are needed but at very different times and on different scales. Thanks, Dan!
Dan
Thank you for this powerful post. Those five words you warn about are so true. Consciously choosing an empowering way of speaking, communicating and managing can do much good to teams and organizations. Bringing out the best in others begins when you help them discover whats great in them.
Nice image to go with a great article !
I love the idea of co-presidents as well. Many young organizations are leaning towards the “no title” model to reinforce the idea that everyone is part of building solutions for customers. Empowering employees to create solutions builds intrinsic motivation to do great work. Thanks for a great post!