Dear Dan: My Boss Doesn’t Give Me Feedback
Dear Dan,
I have a new manager that has been with our department for a little over a year now and she never gives direct feedback, which can be frustrating. She told me in one of our 1:1’s that I am the type of person that wants feedback and I’m doing an excellent job. I’m looking for more than that.
Any suggestion on how to pull more out of her?
Sincerely,
Needs More Feedback
(Note: This post is a little over 500 words.)
Dear Needs More,
You’re not alone. People want to know how they are doing.
Gallup’s research* indicates the top four things Millennials want from managers are:
- Job Clarity and priorities.
- Ongoing feedback and communication.
- Opportunities to learn and grow.
- Accountability.
(*You’ll have to enter your name and email to download the report.)
Aspiration chafes at stagnation.
How to get useful feedback from your boss:
#1. Take initiative.
Tell her something you’re working to improve.
You could ask her for help identifying an area of opportunity. But you’ll probably need to pick a skill or behavior yourself. Pick something you believe will propel you forward.
Pick a skill you will need if you earn a promotion. Make sure you can use it today as well.
#2. Narrow focus.
Ask her to notice your performance in that specific area.
Explain in your 1:1 that you’re going to ask her what she noticed about your performance in that specific area. What did you do that didn’t serve? What did you do that did serve?
You could ask for advice also. What suggestions does she have that might move you forward?
#3. Circle back:
Remind her what you’re working on during 1:1s. Ask what she noticed. If she says something like, “You’re doing great,” ask, “What am I doing that makes you say that?”
Be gently persistent. Don’t poke the bear.
If nothing comes up, ask her if it’s OK to bring this up in your next 1:1.
If your efforts fail seek feedback elsewhere.
#4. Seek feedback from colleagues.
Go through the same process as listed above with co-workers and colleagues. You won’t have 1:1s with colleagues so set a time when you are going to seek their feedback.
All you’re looking for is their reactions to your actions. Whatever they share is the truth from their point of view. It might not be useful to you, but it’s their reaction.
Feedback is always true. When someone says you made them uncomfortable, you can’t say, “No I didn’t.”
#5. Seek feedback from customers or people you serve.
Conclusion:
Improvement requires feedback. We must see how we did and adapt based on reality. When we don’t see how we did, improvement is a shot in the dark.
We receive constant feedback that we miss. The happiness of a customer, for example, points to behaviors to repeat. The frustration of a co-worker is an opportunity to reflect on your actions. What caused their reaction? What could you do differently next time?
I admire your passion to improve.
You have my best,
Dan
What suggestions do you have for Needs More?
Looking for a little more:
How to Seek Feedback Like a Leader
Feedback: Solving the Most Common Failure in Leadership
The ABCs of Giving and Seeking Feedback that Really Works
I once asked a boss how I was doing and if there was anything I was missing. He said, “your problem is you care too much about what others think of you.”
So, I will never ask him that again. 🙂 He appears super supportive of everything I do. So, I go along – blissfully unaware.
Giving feedback can be difficult – everyone is not good at it and therefore don’t do it.
But Dan, do you think you could get to a level in a company where you don’t get feedback anymore? Does the President sit down with the vice president and tell them about their performance? Maybe this boss thinks the person has ‘arrived’ and doesn’t need feedback?
Thanks for jumping in today, Sandy. Your thought about getting to a place where you don’t get feedback any more is important. The higher you rise in organizational life the less likely you are to get honest feedback. You control people’s salaries, promotions, and assignments. It’s rare for leaders to receive useful feedback.
Having said that, the only person who doesn’t need feedback is the person disinterested in growth. Feedback precedes growth. I know leaders who think they have arrived, and I know high level leaders who persistently work to improve.
Those who look within for self-respect and personal satisfaction continue to grow. Those who look at their position or status get to a point where they feel they have arrived.
One compares him/her self with their potential. The other uses external criteria for comparison. They judge themselves superior to others.
In my first government job I had a supervisor who did not like to talk to people. She spoke to two lead workers who delivered all my direction to me. For the first three months we never spoke to each other. After three months I went into her office and said — How am I doing? She said — with regard to what? For that, and actually, many other reasons, I knew my stay there needed to be brief. I was gone two months later.
Thanks for sharing your experience, George. Your action reflect a generous kind of self-care. It feels something like, if you want to thrive and contribute you have to be commit to self-development.
Self-development is a shot in the dark apart from feedback.
I’ll share something I learned from Dan: “What have you tried?” I find his points in this post to be spot-on. As an employee, I didn’t know what to ask from my manager besides “how can I do better?” Those conversations would have gone smoother had I brought ideas with me.
Now as someone with direct reports, in order to provide growth feedback I find it essential to understand the goals and ambitions of others. Only then can I provide feedback that is relevant and significant.
Remember when you ask for feedback that your managers don’t have magic bullets. It requires humility, honesty, and courage to grow – on both sides.
Brilliant, Ryan. Your second paragraph explains the context of feedback. A person’s aspirations are the lens for our feedback. You are helping someone become who they aspire to become. So powerful.
We aren’t trying to get people to be like us. Feedback helps people become their best self.
Giving feedback is hard. And springing the question on the manager can induce a deer in the headlight response: Please tell me something that is direct, insightful, unambiguous, that will help me grow but that is also said in a gentle, kind fashion and is focused on me.
Ack! Wait, what? I thought we were here to talk about the project to count leftover snack packs not something that requires emotional intelligence. I haven’t even had my first cup of tea!
So, some thoughts in addition to Dan’s excellent ideas about taking control of getting what you need.
Think about what you really want when you ask for feedback — “am I going to get a raise?” or “am I going to be fired?” or “don’t you want to stroke my ego?” or “I want to learn.”
Give the person a heads up “next week I’d like to….”
Give permission to give negative feedback. Show that you are open to hearing about ways to improve. “When I told you that the X report was going to be late because Bob was sick, did you think about anything I could have done to respond better?”
One thought that keeps running through my head is to turn it into a give and take conversation vs thinking of it as a vending machine where employee asks question and supervisor produces answers. If you manage the conversation deftly, they may not even notice they are giving you useful information. And better yet, the dialogue can continue so there is never a need to ask for feedback again cause you are talking about that all the time.
Wow!! So helpful, Elizabeth. My personal favorite is give people a heads up. This is especially helpful for introverts.
Love the feeling of humanity in your comment. Cheers
One of the best books I have read in the past five years is “Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well”, by Douglas Stove & Sheila Heen. Similar to Dan’s advice, one of the points is that getting good feedback is your problem, not the givers.
As well, there are three different types of feedback, which can cause an expectation gap. Sounds like Needs More is getting *affirmation* feedback, but is looking for *evaluation* feedback.
Thanks Rob. I always appreciate when someone extends the conversation. Take ownership of your own growth. That’s why I like “Needs More’s” question so much.
All good suggestions. I always encourage my leaders that I coach to ask more specifics around a general comment like, “you are doing great!” Follow-up with something simple like, “what area(s) do you think I am doing great in, is there anything specific that comes to mind?” The old “ask for examples” is a great way to get both opportunistic feedback and developmental feedback. Additionally, do the same when you are the giver of feedback.
Very helpful, Gerri. Ask specific questions! Even something as general as, “What makes you say that,” when someone says, “You’re doing a great job.”
I’ve led teams in a conversation that begins, “When I see you at your best, I see you…” (talk about behaviors)