Gifts From Empty Cups
You are never helpless even when all you can do is receive.
You can:
- See good in others.
- Appeciate being served.
- Respect those who serve you.
- Honor behaviours that demonstrate noble values.
When you can’t do big things, it’s the small things that count. When you can’t do anything, you can say something. You can see the good and say the good.
Everyday
There’s pain, discouragement, and negativity in every hospital. Alongside darkness, you’ll find hope, progress, and healing. Healthcare professionals dance with darkness and light. It’s agonizing and joyful every day.
I watched them come to “work” like most do. But somewhere between their first cup of coffee and seeing me, they embraced their “calling” to serve. It’s a selfless, breathtaking transformation.
Seeing:
We ate breakfast together in Physical Therapy (PT) – in a meeting room with an attached kitchen. I watched PT and Occupational Therapists make eggs to order, even though food services had provided breakfast. Were they thanked for this extraordinary service? Not very often. Sometimes, discouraged patients complained. Still they went the extra mile.
I saw them grumbled at and puked on. I saw one brain-damaged patient push a therapist against the wall. Immediately several staff rushed to their aid.
Saying:
I told the staff they were remarkable. I thanked them as they served me. I am an empty cup. But, honoring people for their service lifted them.
Attention, appreciation, and respect are all empty cups can offer.
Lessons:
- Feeling powerless is a decision.
- Power is perception. You won’t matter until you believe you matter.
- Affirm more. It’s likely you could affirm more and correct less.
What if you pretended you were an empty cup? How might it impact what you see and say, today?
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Very nice piece.
My two immigrant parents (England and Scotland…both 16 came to leave the depression the UK was experiencing after WWI behind in 1927 only to then have to live through the US’s Great Depression) my doing it taught me the value of …
Opening doors
Clearing off my own table
picking up litter
saying thank you all the time and in different ways with meaning and feeling
appreciating anything someone does for me
treating ALL HUMAN BEINGS as HUMAN BEINGS, DOINGS…
Really like your comment about ‘saying thank you in different ways with meaning and feeling’ Alan, very powerful statement. The lperson that can select from a palate of thanks is a true leader.
Dan, as usual your insights are keen. We’re so zeroed in on the traditional sources of power, and yet people who have those things often feel powerless to affect people.
Encouragement is hugely powerful, because it multiplies the power of others’ attitudes. And ideas are powerful, because they ignite others’ imaginations.
This post is affirming to me; I’m a guy who uses December as a practice run for next year’s goals. I was becoming discouraged at my goal of trading primarily in the currencies of encouragement and ideas, rather than directives and data. You’ve given me a gentle push – thank you.
Very well said Greg. “Trading primarily in the currencies of encouragement and ideas, rather than directives or data.” Amen to that and yes it is a gentle push we all can use.
For me Greg, the data drives me to shine that light of encouragement and ideas. As uncomfortable as those dark places are, there are small glimmers that can be amplified and grown. Those wholike that darkness and lack of visibility tend to scatter once a light is cast.
I agree about the importance of data, Doc – in fact, I’m a strong data person. I’m recognizing that the data can help me, but when I try to help others the data seems threatening or cold.
Ahh, yes, presentation, presentation, presentation…and maybe repetition. Data trauma and numbness is always out there.
Used to feel like I carried the plague with me along with some of the data…over time I have moderated the data a bit better, presenting the positive numbers first, then the easy fixes and finally the areas that need focused attention and resources…and how can I help? (Because most ‘problems’ are systems issues, not people issues, they are areas that need attention, not problems…avoids the negative spiral.)
When time permits, I ask those questions before even presenting the data…what have you been doing that has gone well, what needs to be worked on. Then the data usually serves to validate their comments and observations.
The repetition piece is that I am there to serve them, to present their work in the best possible light and help us all move toward excellence…and that I will be back again soon with new numbers so that they can show others their improvements.
Find a way to ‘personalize’ data to target your audience. Be certain the target group fully understands how data/infromation can make them more efficiant expediters.
Hi Dan, I like the analogy of empty cups and certainly healthcare providers get many opportunities every day to trickle into their cup and feel like they make a difference. You are right in sensing the caring and compassion given by the individual provider that not infrequently goes unnoticed. The motivation comes from within and the satisfaction one derives from helping a sick and convalescing patient goes a long way to providing purpose and mission. Cups in my mind Dan are never truly empty although I understand your metaphor. Rest assured your kind words to the therapist did not go unnoticed as well and probably fortified his belief in what he does every day. Being a good and caring provider is important but being a good patient completes the transference that is so critical for all of us. Your cup may look empty but we all know there are many tiny traces of smiles, thank yous, and “I appreciate” lining those porcelain walls. Cheers Dan, you have no idea how gratifying it is to see you writing and engaging again. 🙂
I second that Al, an empty cup is in the eye (lips?) of the beholder.
You may see the cup as empty or maybe… it isn’t just a cup.
It is an excellent appreciation receptacle awaiting energizing espresso expressions of gratitude, so it also is a resource yet to be tapped. We do want to share and give others a sip or two (share those appreciations). so that it can be refilled. -Doc (I never met-a-phor I couldn’t mix! 😉 )
This reminds me of the dipper-bucket metaphor that was popular some years back. The idea was that we can either dip from our bucket into someone else’s (generosity), or dip out of theirs to fill ours (selfishness). Ideally, others keep filling our buckets so we have an un-ending supply to give out.
Dear Sir,
Today’s post made me realize that while it may be “better to give than to receive,” sometimes receiving can also be an act of giving – if it’s done consciously, with appreciation and humility. It may be receiving a lesson from someone, or accepting an act of kindness.
Thank you.
Nancy
I agree with you Nancy! Excellent post Dan! Congratulation! Nancy I really felt the same “it’s better to give than to receive”! I really enjoyed the words today!
Flavia!
Having my brother be in a similar situation, I can relate to these thoughts even more. It is amazing the people who come to your aid and deliver completely, confidently, and carefully. Our cups are filled each day; we just don’t take the time to realize it and affirm it.
Excellent points, and I hope your recovery is going well.
Thanks.
Jon
Dan – And so you continue to teach! Leadership requires humility and seeing possibility where others might not. Fortunately for all, you see the gift in your experience and have the wisdom to share it. (Can’t wait to see your book hit #1 on the bestsellers lists.) Thank you.
Once again, brilliant insights, Dan. I’ve often found when I’m at my lowest, I’m the most grateful for the people around me.
One additional note to add, a little discovery along the way: when you are feeling empty, finding the gratitude for those around you fills up your cup a little bit. The more gratitude, the fuller the cup.
I see gratitude as a bit of “refueling.”
Sending you healing vibes for a speedy recovery.
Dan, So grateful that your wise words are still here as a constant in our life. Several years ago I was a pedestrian struck by a car. 18 mos of surgery and physical therapy gave me the most wonderful gift. I learned to be grateful. I learned to accept help and to do so graciously and gratefully. I am a “my do it” person. I learned that my needs were an opportunity for others to be the Good Samaritan. They gave strangers and friends alike a reason to go outside themselves. We are connected people. I found joy in accepting help and joy in being surrounded by people that I could say “thank you” to and in so doing, I refilled their cup and mine.
Godspeed friend.
“Healthcare professionals dance with darkness and light.” You’ve made a great sentence to describe what I’ll do next time, Dan. Thank you. I’ll dance, and smile to my life and every people who need it, make a good difference by doing good, even from my empty cup:)
Saying thank you, not for the special or extra effort but, for the things people do every day is the best gift you can give. It is one of the simplest things each of us can do to make people feel appreciated, acknowledged and valued. No one does it enough. Thanks for the reminder
Dan – you are awesome. Thank you for your continued encouragement and I wish you a speedy recovery!
Dear Dan,
I think pretending is not feeling. So when you pretend to be empty cup, you can’t be powerful. Being empty cup is about feeling and not expecting. Pretending is about expecting. It means when people pretend, they have hidden intention. And when you have hidden intention, you definitely expect. So, expectation is root to be powerless, though people expect to be powerful.
I absolutely agree with you that power is perception. It is the belief that makes it real. I also believe that seeing is not enough. You need to sensitize yourself. You need to feel the pain of others. When you feel the pain of others then saying will be mighty and powerful otherwise not. Saying without feeling is like asking someone not to smoke while smoking self.
What great clarity you bring to the CHOICE to serve! Even in your own efforts to heal your brain & heart were observing the love around you.
Too many fill their empty cup with self-serving activities – for many reasons. Thank you for noting that, every day, we make choices that CAN help the world be better for others.
Cheers!
C.
What an engaging and energizing post and response all, thanks!
“To serve mankind”–not in the Twilight Zone menu version 😉 , but to truly serve each other, whether in healthcare or other arenas is a endless and humbling honor and obligation not taken lightly.
If you shine a light of hope in darkness, we are better for it.
If you bring a smile in the midst of pain, we are better for it.
If you coach or mentor and we learn, we are better for it.
If you create a tangible vision of what can be, of what should be, we all are better for it.
beautiful poem Doc. I am a poet at heart and have always found poetry to be a silent language that lets the reader instill their thoughts while preserving the author’s.
With the thought of giving and making things better, this comes to mind and no I don’t remember who wrote it.
“What we gives to ourselves dies with us; What we give to others and the world remains and is immortal.”
BTW I loved your “play” with “metaphor” sounds like a strong herbal tea. 🙂
Powerful quote Al…it appears to be someone with your moniker….Albert Paine–worked with Mark Twain too.
Dear Dan,
I love your good observation and drawing a good meaning out of it. I liked your saying ‘I am an empty cup. But, honoring people for their service lifted them.Attention, appreciation, and respect are all empty cups have.’
It’s a question of your cultivating a mind-set to see and appreciate good in others. It looks quite simple but a very powerful tool to remain happy and spread happiness around.
I admire your simplicity and putting across your views in a touchy way.
Thank you, Dan, for being who you are. An inspiration of kindness and love for your fellow (wo)man.
For those of us that love to serve, it can be hard to be served. I had a health-related “time-out” in 2009, and I struggled for a short period, having others help and serve me, without being able to return the gift.
Feel better and thanks for sharing!
Empty cups can be filled, and full cups can be emptied. This is what you are discovering.No vessel is useless. Some are a slightly different shape – some may be less user friendly, but everything and everybody has a purpose.
I have had epilepsy all my life, but despite this I have managed to forge a Nursing career.At a social occasion a couple of years ago, my husband announced to his friends that I had LEPROSY and I noted the horrified reactions. Suddenly, I realised how fortunate I was! The looks of relief all round when he corrected his mistake was quite comical – and that one moment will live with me forever.
We have no idea how lucky we are – none at all.
I worked with a surgeon from Ethiopia, who was going home, but in his country, there were very few wheelchairs. He had brought heart-rending videos of kids without legs trying to make do with skateboards. He asked us if he could take some of our old wheelchairs that were lying about with flat tyres, waiting to go to the skip. Although he was willing to pay the air freight he was refused on the grounds of Health and Safety.
Safer with a skateboard, huh?
Dear Linda,
Very insightful experience. I am impressed and inspired by your courage to accept and reveal truth to others. People generally hide it. You are really real person. I always believe that the person who is authentic and knows his or her limitation lives prosperous life. The people who pretend, live others life. I am sure you are in first category, who lives your life with pride and respect.
Best Regards
Ajay
Wow. WOW. What a wonderful post, and wonderful comments. Thank you.
Dan, thanks for your faithfulness and sharing lessons in the things around you.
It takes remarkable leadership to recognize that your cup may be empty…for the moment. Life ebbs and flows like that, and for your current situation you are being hollowed and humbled. But that doesn’t get you, or anyone, off the hook from leadership. Leaders are called to lead even when the cup is empty.
It’s like preparing for tea. You are the guest, and you rely on others to fill up your cup with kindness, love, strength, wisdom. How you accept the gifts of those who are charged with providing it for you…that is the choice you have. Your willingness to share what you notice being poured into your cup…all of that is how you can exemplify leadership even in weakness.
You write often about the servant-leader and connecting on a very real level with the people upon whom you depend for business growth. The lessons you are offering are more than applicable…they are essential to the kind of powerful leadership that can motivate, encourage and positively affect the people around you.
MMF
I really like this. Thank you so much for sharing.
Wow this is so bautiful AND true! And it has to be this way – It made me smile when I read this. Thank you and God bless!!!!!!!
What if you pretended you were an empty cup? How might it impact what you see and say, today?
I like the “eggs” story. There is nothing that energizes me more than seeing someone who treats their “vocation” as a true calling, not as a job. That employee who prepared those eggs the way the patient desired them, even though other eggs that would have sufficed were available, may be filling up the patient’s “empty cup,” but I suspect he or she is filling up something within him or herself too. They also apparently have a supervisor who understands/condones this patient-centric approach – that’s a gift in all of this too.
Lots to learn and mull from this post, Dan. The quote that truly struck me was you won’t matter until you believe you matter and powerless is a decision. All we truly have control over is what we think, what we feel/believe, what we say (for some not even that), and how we behave. Everything is energy and our thoughts are energy as well. We can choose to send out negative or positive energy ~ and it matters which. Thank you for the reminder about perception. My faith is strong that you are healing.
Peg
Seeing the positive is a powerful step. I’ve been trying to work on this for a while, baby steps. But you know when I am most positive? When I can be there for others. It’s like a shot in the arm and a boost to my heart.
“It is more important to be kind than to be right.” Your story has exemplified this motto!
Awesome !
I just found you today & all I can say is…You are inspiring, insightful, & intelligent! Were I to opt in to your list, I can see myself reading your stuff all day & then using it as an excuse to avoid becoming who & what I am expecting of myself…building relationships, and becoming what I’ve purposed to do for this country, world & myself.
Thank you & carry on! 🙂