Finding Freedom While Developing Leaders
This is the second post based on my conversation with Bob Burg, author of: “It’s Not About You.”
Leaders see in others what they don’t see in themselves; that can be frustrating. It’s frustrating to see potential in someone who doesn’t care as much as you. If you aren’t careful, it’s also arrogant because you don’t know all; you don’t see all.
“Leaders meet people where they are.” Bob explained that patience is about accepting people.
The allure of where you believe people could go – not where they are currently – interests you. Time is limited and you want to invest it, not squander it.
Don’t project.
Stop projecting and embrace humility. The potential you see in them may be a projection of your wishes for yourself.
You look at young leaders and see yourself. You see the mistakes you made and want to “save them;” to make them into a better you. Humility, on the other hand, says I’m not making you into a better me. You are reaching your potential, not mine.
Don’t attach.
Bob said you can avoid frustration if you avoid, “attachment.” I know attachment is an important word in Buddhist philosophy. I didn’t ask Bob if he was Buddhist. I interpreted the word attachment as too much ownership, too much responsibility.
Two Free Chapters
Attachment is tying your identity or success to another individual. It’s a formula for disappointment and disaster.
Celebrate them.
Rather than attaching, celebrate their potential not yours in them. It’s not about you.
Let them say no.
When I reach out to someone with potential, I watch for their response. Do they brighten up or sit back? Do they express interest? Do they respect me and their own opportunities? If yes, we move forward. If no, I continue encouraging them while backing off.
Part one of my conversation with Bob: “Bob Burg on Life and Leadership”
Part three of my conversation with Bob: “Bob Burg on Becoming a Person of Value”
Have you tried to develop someone who didn’t want to be developed? What did you learn?
How do you initiate a leadership development relationship with someone who has untapped potential?
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Dan, as I read this post I was reminded several times of parenting. Trying to coach your kids to reach their potential feels very much like what you describe. And there are lessons there for mentoring in the workplace too.
I think one of the dangers that you hint at but don’t explicitly state is that we might project our own goals and values onto others. We might see their potential as leaders when their aspirations really are to use the job simply to fund an avocation. We might want them to take on responsibility and they might value the craftsmanship of working with their hands and not want to leave the workbench. That’s why it’s critical for us to do exactly what you say: Meet them where they are. To do that, we need to first spend enough time information-gathering to know where they are, and more than that, where they’re going. Then we’ll be in a position to help them grow, not just to grow them into something that helps us.
Hi Greg,
You gave us a meaty response, Greg. Thank you.
It’s not unusual for leadership principles to have direct application to families. As a matter of fact, I have a secret ambition to find ways to share leadership principles with moms and dads. Parents are leaders.
Just to be sure it’s clear. I was quoting Bob when I wrote, “Leaders meet people where they are.”
Best wishes,
Dan
Greg is a featured contributor who blogs at: http://hippocketleader.blogspot.com/
Hi Greg, thanks for the reminder of parenthood and the leadership roles involved. I daresay we could expand and include as in my case “grand-parenthood” (not sure that is a word). The leadership traits at this point are somewhat different than when parenting. I am doing a whole lot more listening and observing as a grandparent than I ever did with my children and interestingly enough am finding that MO functioning also better at work! 🙂 thanks, AD
Al, one of the great things about grand-parenthood is speaking positively into those young lives without having to do the correcting… at least from my point of view. 🙂
Agree with both of you. I have a different relationship with my grandsons because the disciplinary role is minimal. Makes for some very interesting conversations!
I think this is wonderful. I think people want to be heard and appreciated for where they are. I know I desire to be a leader but want the time and experience to be a good one–so although I want to be a leader I am in the learning place right now which inevitably means mistakes–I want to work for someone who will help me through the mistakes versus someone who expects perfection or to handle something as they would.
Jen,
It’s gratifying to read the message you took from this post. You’ve emphasized the value of accepting people for who they are. Acceptance encourages an inner strength that enables growth even when mistakes are made.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment,
Dan
Good post, Dan. I like the part about attachment. And as Greg has pointed out, all of this has parental applications as well.
In terms of the attachment, it is important that we set clear boundaries. These boundaries must include the separation between our expectations for ourselves, the expectations and hopes we have for them and the expectations they have for themselves. These lines can become easily blurred and strain relationships.
As with our children, we want people to be the best they can be, and not mere replicas of ourselves.
Hi Martina,
Thanks for adding another dimension to the conversation. The 3 dimensions of boundaries are useful.
I feel the urge to offer too much help. Boundaries help.
Thanks for all your wonderful comments,
Dan
In terms of boundaries, I agree completely, Martina. I would also suggest we need to be clear about who is reponsible for what; people can also attach to their leaders and expect things to be done for them.
Hi Dan, read the two chapters like Doc and have the book to my ever growing reading list. Working with people that don’t appear at least on the surface to want development is certainly a challenge. I think everyone does want to “grow” but discovering what the “seed” will grow into and how to address the customization needed is very difficult. I believe as Greg that knowing our folks on as many levels as possible will facilitate our “nudging” them in the right direction. Like someone else said “we are all smart” just smart at different things. As leaders we have to be ready to make rudder changes often times subtle ones as well as adapting the pace when we are unsure where a particular individual’s true north may lie. My disappointment as a leader would be in myself if I push too hard or too quickly and find my team member in unfriendly circumstances with a difficult exit. I have learned to know as much as possible including personal, work, family related issues and most importantly to move forward slowly. It is still and will always be a work in progress since individuals do change course while navigating and we have to be wide awake to see it.
Hi Al,
Very rich comment. You both challenge me and encourage me. You help me see the challenges and give me the hope that I can get to know people well enough to help them find their best selves.
Pushing too hard too soon is common. Impatience generally rules. It’s honored in some circles. That’s why Bob’s comments on yesterdays post are so valuable and align with you.
Cheers,
Dan
Al is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read his bio at: http;//leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/al-diaz
Wow, great point about individuals changing course, Al. That’s so easy to overlook. As our team members’ lives change, so will their goals and primary motivators. And so does our role in their lives.
Have you tried to develop someone who didn’t want to be developed? What did you learn?
1) –It’s not about you.–
How do you initiate a leadership development relationship with someone who has untapped potential?
2) –see #1–
But semi-seriously, pace, timing, preparation, awareness, discomfort with status quo, et all play a role in development, your own or others. There is a Johnny Appleseed element to leadership. Some seeds don’t germinate as quickly as others or have the right amount of sunlight, water, nutrients. I currently am coaching/mentoring a person I hired 15+ years and he just reflected on an ‘a-ha’ moment that integrated a number of learnings over the years.
Everyone at their own pace…again meeting people where they are at, not where you think they should/could be. You can nudge, encourage and maybe even inspire as Ajay noted yesterday.
I love the Johnny Appleseed comment. In an environment of limited resources, the temptation will be to invest in the seedlings that are growing the fastest. Is that good, or is it unfair?
It may be short sighted when the longer vision produces better results…having leaders that have that dual vision is optimal and probably rare.
“Dual Vision Leaders” well Doc that one goes in the quote book! Another golden nugget to be kept for posterity. Thanks Doc.
Doc everyone has their own pace and comfort level as you suggest. I agree with watering all of the seeds and leaving the laggards hang with the fast growing, they both at the end will bear fruit yes? Hopefully over time and with appropriate pollination, mutations will occur with continuous improvement of the crop. This is gardening CQI! Gosh I feel like I am with my wife in the greenhouse! :)…………………..and Greg as long as the species evolves for the better it is good and fair for everyone! 🙂
Still am flashing on ‘Being There’ with Peter Sellers (and his character, Chancey, was a very odd appointed leader.) Too funny!
Have you tried to develop someone who didn’t want to be developed? What did you learn?
Your posts often have an intersection with parenting and that’s certainly true today. I think most children inherently have a yearning to develop, but it sure is easy for us parents to want to be WAY too prescriptive regarding HOW they should develop. Hang around enough youth sports or other activities and you’ll see kids who are way past having an emotional commitment (or physical readiness) but whose parents still wheedle them into rehearsing and playing. Those parents may be keeping their children from discovering something new that they can excel at AND be emotionally committed to, b/c the parents can’t let go of the child’s potential and the possibility that they will “achieve.”
Hey Paula, It is great to connect parenting and sports and other activities. In my heydays I would not infrequently see the parent focused on the outcome good or bad and not enough on inspiring the individual child. Learning is a process that happens to you while inspiration happens in you. The internal cheer is what drives the child to push his performance potential. I have observed and learned so much sitting in the stands and watching my girls play soccer. Somehow children with their unfettered minds can be so creative and teach us things we never knew or suspected. Thanks for the riff. It is great, cheers, 🙂
I love the line, “learning happens to you while inspiration happens in you.” Good enough to cross stitch on a sampler (or whatever the 2011 equivalent is!). 🙂
Dear Dan
Leadership is all about learning to himself and developing the people around him , A leader must know to appreciate and praise the people genuinely , as you rightly mentioned that leadership is not about you it is about the person working with you , I have seen people in the leadership position where they should be unbiased ,neutral and natural but by virtue of human being they tend to incline towards a particular group /person and here the true authenticity of the leardership comes under the cloud and question , I as a leader must delegate the responsibility and groom others and prepare them for the next higher leadership position without
and prejudice and attachment,
Dear Dan,
I have tried to develop many people and still believe in doing so. I have observed that inherently people wish to develop. They think that they should be successful like others. But what prevents them is their unwillingness to start something new to change themselves. They are also not aware about their potential and outside opportunities. They do not want to change their belief which is usually blind and rigid. They need to challenge their belief. They also develop a kind of self defense mechanism by showing ego. They need a appealing approach that can slowly work like pain killer. They also need to be exposed to different circumstances where they can see the things, This will help them a lot to reinventing themselves. But there is a danger sometimes. When people realize their potential, they can create distance with you. They may not realize your contribution. So, leaders should anticipate these beforehand and they should expect reward for their efforts.
I initiate leadership development with selfless motive and with positive attitude. When people align on the tracks, I feel happy that my effort has been successful. Leadership development is a journey with a lot of sweet and sour taste. So, leaders should realize, belief and anticipate those tastes.