Finding Your Power
Focusing on what others should have done is an excuse maker’s paradise.
Responses reflect values.
Excuse maker and blamers value themselves above others. They’ll drive the knife in your back if it serves their purposes.
Compassionate leaders value others. They believe in lifting rather than crushing.
Responses reflect confidence.
Blamers live defensive lives, feeling pushed around by circumstances and people. They don’t believe they’re able to change things. They feel trapped. They’re dangerous, like caged animals, they’ll lash out.
Confident leaders remain calm during disappointment while seeking solutions, at the same time. They aren’t frantic. They’re focused.
Responses reflect connections:
Excuse makers feel alone; they don’t trust or consult with others, except to determine who to blame.
Connected leaders seek solutions with others. They’re willing to ask “dumb” questions in their pursuit of smart answers. They don’t believe they have the answers. They believe they can get answers.
The weakness of blaming and the power of solution seeking is all about your values, confidence, and connectedness.
Embracing your power:
We taught our grandchildren to swim. They started with floaties. I still remember their white knuckled grasp the first time they tried swimming without artificial buoyancy. We stayed close.
They kicked and splashed and nearly sank, at first. Gradually we moved away. Soon they were swimming from one side of the pool to the other. Eventually, they instructed, “You can get out of the pool now, Poppi.” Their gleaming pride was priceless.
The most powerful thing you can do today is take small steps toward big goals. Forget giant leaps toward perfect solutions.
Your next step is too big if you feel trapped and powerless. Break it down.
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How do you rise above excuse making?
How can we help others rise above blaming and excuse making?
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Great post, Dan! To rise above excuse makers and blamers, I believe employees pull back. Employees lose respect for the defensive and selfish leader. So, employees stick to their job description and ONLY do what the job requires. Any extra effort or extra vision is held hostage since releasing or revealing it is not seen as safe or valuable. I believe this turns into a toxic workplace where very little growth, ingenuity, or community building is happening… a.k.a…uninspiring and miserable. I love your last two lines. Perfect for the workplace, and perfect for life!!
Hi Hiccup,
Thanks for bringing ROI to the table. Excuse making is costly. Embracing our power is profitable. Love it.
Great seeing you again.
Cheers,
Dan
Dear Dan,
A truly relevant post that is applicable to most of the organizations. Excuse makers and blamers lie in same category. They feel unsecured and that is why they blame others. They feel secured by blaming others. They think by doing this they block others to succeed. But the most important thing is that blamers are the most fearful people. They play from behind. So, the better way to deal with them is to ask them direct question. If they spread some rumors that may damage someone’s reputation, question them.
I think people can rise against excuse making by adding values. They should strengthen their belief. They should draw their confidence from their within. One need to compare with oneself in terms of past, present and future focus. Excuse making is about weak belief and values. They should start doing for their development. I strongly believe that blamers and excuse makers need to define their success. And what is the means to achieve that success. Generally blamers and excuse makers have neither direction nor goal. They should decide their goals. They should believe that their goals are bigger than their position for which they blame, make excuses and plays politics. They should understand the between position and prestige, prestige is always higher than position.
Dan,
Great post and so true to life. Blaming and excuses are so easy and take such little effort to stop things dead. Like a small rock that can stop a larger one from rolling, blame and excuse can become hidden and forgotten. Pretty soon you can be looking for a reason that something is not moving or working, forgetting it was you that placed the rock there (blame & excuse).
Learning new things, and ways, can be scary, intimidating, and can often seem to push against your own mental models. Kids thinking they are going to sink when learning to swim may be their metal model and can stop or hinder learning. But accepting help, and believing can break that little stone and release the rock to roll, it allows growth to take hold, and learning to gather speed.
Owning that little stone as you say is. “Embracing your power” it is owning it and knowing where you put it, so you can release it.
What can we do to help others rise above blaming and excuse making ? For me lead by example, as in your own in teaching your grandkids to swim. Be there with compassion and understanding, offer an environment of trust to build on. Then, and really only then can others pull that stone out and break that barrier to growth. This must come from them and from within.
Thanks for the awesome post Dan, funny that I was thinking about barrieres this morning.
When I notice a strength that someone demonstrates I try to mention it to them. When I’m at my best I do that in writing. Then they can read it again and again whenever they need a boost in confidence. I’m proud to say that I did that for a young person yesterday.
When we compliment someone they can often identify their own next step or they will even be open to a small suggestion. Everyone can “hear” best when they feel valued and encouraged.
Criticism paralyzes progress. Praise fertilizes growth.
Yes, I just made that up and impressed myself. That’s why I like your posts so much, Dan. Thank you! They encourage me to put into writing what I truly believe.
Dauna Easley
Fabulous strategy! I think I do tend to reread emails from friends, colleague, or leaders where they have complimented or been grateful for something i have dine. As a workshop presenter I love to review our feedback sheets. Both the compliments and suggestions move me forward! I think I will actually incorporate “leaving a note behind” in my classroom. It would be nice to leave messages on the desks of my students at the end of the day. They’ll eventually HOPE to be the next student to get a message from me to read in the morning.
Wonderful post, Dan. What you write is so true. This statement:
Connected leaders seek solutions with others. They’re willing to ask “dumb” questions in their pursuit of smart answers. They don’t believe they have the answers. They believe they can get answers.
is one of the best “instruction manuals” for effective leadership I’ve seen. This is how we develop others, by helping them discover their answers so they can feel of value to the organization. Mutual loyalty is built, incrementally, through this process.
I’m writing an article for Wake Forest Univ Family Business Center and would like to use that, with your permission and attribution.
Robert Caldwell
Great post, make your weakness be your strength. It’s not that the glass is half full, it just means it is time to get the pitcher and fill it up! Don’t worry about who drank it, just get some more!
Perfect is the enemy of good, right? I used to work for a blamer. Every error regardless of size or impact on the organization was treated as a disaster and complete failure. For a while I actually lost focus on the purpose of projects and my goals as a professional and instead spent all my focus trying not to make any mistakes.
Blamers and excuse makers are looking backwards at the past. Good leaders trying to help their people learn (or grandparents trying to teach swimming) are looking forward to the next success. People need to be taught to learn from their mistakes and move forward. They need to know that their value is not measured by the number of mistakes but by their progress and potential.
Great last sentence! Society would be so much more fulfilling and gratifying if EVERYONE held this as core belief.
Dear Dan,
A good thoughtful post.It’s not easy to deal with excuse makers and blamers. But once you have identified the trouble makers, it’s better to talk to them straight and warn them for their destructive nature/ habits. Show your unhappiness and make them realize how they are damaging the work environment. Insist them to change their behavior and mould them to a better acceptable type by the required push strategies and the close supervision/control.
Ensure that they don’t influence others and become less productive or remain more as a nuisance value. It’s better to deal them with toughness and bring them back to a constructive mode approach. You may have to take a bold step of even removing them if there is no improvement or further damages due to them despite giving them a chance.
I liked your saying, ‘Confident leaders remain calm during disappointment while seeking solutions, at the same time. They aren’t frantic. They’re focused’. A wonderful practical tip!
Dear Dan
So much of lift as you climb. Great post. Could I seek your guidance in situation where someone went ahead without consultation and hit the rock. Other than offering solution to salvage how would I demonstrate leadership with respect to ownership of the mistake? There won’t be mistake with prior consultation. Now who is to take the blame officially?
Thanks
Juddy,
Great question. The leader is always responsible.
Always give the credit and take the blame. One of the great “privileges” of leadership.
You have my best,
Dan
So good Dan. I see this as a PRIMARY issue, particularly in nonprofit leadership. Some nonprofit employees feel that they don’t have to live up to higher standards since they are working for a cause more than a profit. We’ve learned to put a new equation in play:
Excuses = Accountability leading to uncomfortable conversations and job plateau.
Taking full responsibility in all areas (not just your own) = Accountability, applause and promotion when/where possible.
Ultimately, I’m responsible for the entire organization. I really want to work with an empowered team that try to run ahead in the race to take responsibility.
Thank you for this post. I needed it today. Ran into the previous leader of the small department I lead, and according to her, she and her staff used to do everything right. However, I don’t believe this because our current performance numbers are improved compared to her tenure. Is there any way to disarm this person graciously when she grandstands at meetings and shoots her mouth off, in my humble opinion, in front of my peers? I look at her, smile and nod, and, if possible, thoughtfully consider her ideas. Any other suggestions or encouragement would be appreciated.