I presented my synopsis of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg last Friday at the First Friday Book Synopsis. Good book; important book.
She has plenty to say to women, about how their decisions undercut them in their career advancement and their attempts to lead. And to men, who almost unconsciously (you know – without thinking, without even realizing what they are doing) “cut women out” of so many of the conversations that matter… One revealing comment I heard was from a woman who attended our event who said “I just did not realize what I was doing, and what I was not doing.”
I noticed these observations, among many, about ways that women “don’t” do what they could and should do…
Women tend to:
1. Sit in the back
2. Not raise their hand
3. Expect the “Tiara” (the “Tiara Syndrome”)
• (R.M., summary: hard work will automatically be rewarded – you just have to “lean back and wait”)
4. Take things far more personally than men do
5. “Leave” before it is time to leave…
6. In other words, “lean back,” rather than “lean in”
And here are my takeaways from the book, which I included in my handout for my synopsis.
1). People with power will not give it up, or even share it willingly. It must be seized by those who do not yet have such power. (“We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail — 16 April, 1963).
2. Women have to lean in – but like women, not like men… This is a very delicate tightrope to walk…
3. When enough “lean in” at the same time, in the same organization – when there is a critical mass of women in positions of power and influence – things will change for the better. But, until then…
4. Some men are going to have to become mentors to some women. And these men are going to have to be very intentional about this…
5. There need to be many voices calling for such equality – female voices, male voices… This is only one book of many!
6. Women are going to have to be in this struggle together, and genuinely support each other in this struggle. There is no room for self-sabotage among women; no room for sabotage of women by women…
7. Seize your opportunities – find a “rocket ship,” and get on board.
I really think this says it best –
Don’t lean back. Lean In. Seize your opportunities!
From the book:
It’s a cliché, but opportunities are rarely offered; they’re seized. What I noticed over the years was that for the most part, the men reached for opportunities much more quickly than the women.
First Friday Book Synopsis 
The real value of the Sandberg book was in pumping up the volume of the conversation so that even tone deaf male leadership might hear the truth. Beyond that, she has many worthwhile observations and suggestions but this issue has layers of complexity (start with the class or SES differences) that don’t lend themselves to the pat answer of leaning in. Further, there’s something deficient about suggesting women not “lean back but lean in and seize the opportunities” as being able to do this is not merely a function of will. In fact, it’s also a matter of skill ( and circumstance) and there are specific areas in which women need to acquire, integrate or sharpen skills critical for success. (But that’s another discussion which I’ll cover in my book !)
My other concern is that, even though the outing of the conversation is a good thing, companies will see glomming on to the “movement” as an easy fix.. They’ll get the credit for joining but will leave it there. For any change to take root, accountability is key so the women and forward thinking men in those companies that are “partnering” must hold the powers that be accountable for devoting more than lip service to the initiative.
Dani,
Good, useful, valuable observations. Thanks for sharing.
“Pumping up the volume” is valuable. This is not a one book, one corporate initiative issue. Social movements take a lot of messaging/actioning over the long haul until tipping points are reached, after which real progress can be made. Maybe this will get us closer to genuine, lasting change…
Randy