How to Spot a Manipulative Boss
The line between influence and manipulation is intention. Manipulators seek their own interests. Ethical influencers seek your best interest.
A boss with puppy dog eyes:
Manipulators say you’re too good to promote and then promote the people you trained.
A boss who looks at you with puppy dog eyes and says, “I need you. I can’t promote you…”
- Doesn’t have your best interest in mind.
- Seeks their own comfort.
- Is manipulative.
“We can’t live if you’re promoted,” is baloney with a capital ‘B’. Don’t fall for their bull. They’re self-serving and manipulative.
3 goals of manipulative bosses:
- Keep you where you are.
- Give you more responsibility.
- Keep your salary the same.
Listen for these messages:
When you’re consistently passed over for promotion manipulative bosses …
- Give new job titles with little or no pay increase.
- Add responsibility but don’t deliver the promotion.
- Keep dangling the carrot. Dangling carrots are daggers.
- Move the targets. “You’re almost there.”
- Nitpick your skill set. One month it’s one problem; the next month it’s another.
Why you stay after being passed over:
- You need a paycheck and you’re afraid to rock the boat.
- You enjoy your job even though being passed over is painful.
- You’re gullible and naïve. Find an outside viewpoint.
- You are fear-driven rather than opportunity-driven.
- You aren’t as good as you think you are and your boss won’t tell you.
5 things to do when you aren’t promoted:
- Take responsibility for your trajectory.
- Move laterally out of your department.
- Sharpen your resume’ and start looking.
- Stay positive; avoid bitterness and complaining.
- Never give an ultimatum.
Bonus: Don’t manipulate a manipulator by saying you’re looking for a new job.
What suggestions do you have for people who are too good to be promoted?
7 Ways Manipulators Get What They Want
THANK YOU:
Thanks to everyone who made last night’s Leadership Freak Family Gathering a wonderful success. This post is inspired by one of the topics that came up.
Order The Vagrant:
Great post! I wasn’t able to make it last night! I hope you do it again!
Thanks, SB. Probably will do some more in the future.
While manipulative bosses may win in the short term, in the long term they end up either losing their best people or (worse) turning their best people into poor performers.
So true, Jennifer. It’s usually a short-term strategy. I’ll add that we all know a manipulator who is getting ahead at work because they are so good at playing the game.
Hi! I’m a constant reader and I’m so sorry I didn’t make it last night. I bet it was wonderful!
Thanks for you note, Lisa. I’m considering a quarterly family gathering. If that happens, perhaps we can see each other then. Cheers
This is a great follow up to last night’s question; I truly enjoyed the hour with you, Dan. I’m looking forward to the next event!
Thanks Amy. I thought last night’s question was filled with honesty and vulnerability. I was humbled to hear it.
I’m think of a quarterly fireside chat for the Leadership Freak family.
Great job with the Family Gathering last night! Looking forward to the next!!!
Manipulative bosses are nothing more than self-serving and selfish “leaders”. The do not inspire the best in others and fail their direct reports by not offering promotional opportunities. In the end, they usually lose their best performers who see them for what they are and leave the team or the company.
Thanks Cheryl. I’m thinking quarterly gatherings. Yes, manipulation is a short-term strategy. No one wins in the end.
Great post today!! Thank you.
Thanks Tracy… cheers.