How to Lead One-On-Ones that Change Lives
Conversations change lives.
Oprah Winfrey’s life changed because of conversations with Maya Angelou.
Maya told Oprah, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. She said, ‘Babe, your problem is you have to be shown 29 times.’” CNBC
How to lead one-on-ones that change lives:
#1. Listen:
Listen more than you talk.
Average conversations dance in equal parts between listening and speaking.
Charlie Rose interviews people for a living. I timed Charlie for 15 minutes during a conversation he had with Jeff Bezos. After introducing the program, Charlie spoke approximately 132 seconds. That means Jeff spoke about 85% of the time.
One-on-ones aren’t interviews. They aren’t average conversations either. In my experience a 70/30 ratio makes sense. 70% listening. 30% talking. (The nature of the conversation impacts the ratio of listening to speaking.)
#2. Mentor, coach, and advise:
The difference between mentoring and coaching is approach. Mentors show the path forward based on their experience. Coaches enable others to explore their own path forward. Advisers say, “I think you should…” There’s a place for all three when you lead one-on-ones.
#3. Ask questions:
Great questions begin with darkness and end with light.
Your first response to a powerful question might be, “I don’t know.” Exploration transforms darkness to light.
2 questions when someone feels stuck:
- Imagine you are wildly successful 30 days from now. What is true for you?
- Based on your 30-day vision, what can you do today to move forward?
Alternatives:
- What did you do to bring yourself to this point? (Focus on “do”.)
- What did you leave undone that contributed to this issue?
- Where do you want to be 30 days from now?
- What do you want to do today to move forward?
What skills enable leaders to lead one-on-ones?
How might leaders talk less and listen more when they lead one-on-ones?
Still curious:
One-On-Ones: 7 Powerful Phrases to Use
7 Ways to Prepare for One-On-Ones Like a Pro
A Simple Reusable One-On-One Plan
Very powerful.
“The difference between mentoring and coaching is approach. Mentors show the path forward based on their experience. Coaches enable others to explore their own path forward. ” Love it. And you can alternate being one or the other, even with the same person, depending on the situation.
I’m delighted to be useful, Jackie. My coaching conversations often have all three in one conversation.
Thanks, lyarrish.
How might leaders talk less and listen more when they lead one-on-ones?
Prepare for the meeting by listing the the questions that need to be addressed. In addition, list the follow up questions that may be required to determine if the person’s goal, plan, attitude, focus, motivation, resources etc. are where they need to be.
Thanks, Paul. I’m particularly fond of the follow up questions. The real power of conversation happens when we ask the second question. For example, “What are you trying to accomplish?” Second question, “What makes that important to you?”
One of my favourite posts!!!!! I have shared this with my management team <3
Thanks for letting me know, Daniella. You encourage me.
Great questions to be practicing! Open ended, promoting reflection.
Thanks, Marcia. Helping people think seems to be one way to help them tap into their best selves.
My fifth grade teacher had one on ones ( 57 years ago) . She told me I could be a leader. Never forgot that. It has taken me far. Those words were gold.
You were fortunate to have her in your life. Thanks for sharing.