Your Expectations Don’t Just Influence Your Destiny, They Determine It
You are influenced by parents, friends, teachers, and society. Some bolster your outlook and encourage you to reach for the sky. Naysayers undermine your future.
Some folks have your best interest at heart. Others want to pour you a cup of gloom and doom.
External influences reinforce your viewpoints and shape your expectations over time.
When you believe the world’s unfair, you’ll be on the lookout for things to go wrong and people to do you harm.
Negative expectations ultimately turn into self-fulfilling prophecies.
Expectations Matter More Than You Think
Expectations have a dramatic impact on behavior and performance. For example:
- When you believe people are trustworthy, you’ll invest in long-term relationships rather than thinking everyone’s out to get you.
- When you believe hard work pays off, tough days are viewed as opportunities rather than believing the company is taking advantage of you.
- When you believe life has its ups and downs, you’ll take bad days in stride rather than thinking you’re the only one with problems.
- When you believe the world is your oyster, you pursue it with vigor. When you think people like you don’t stand a chance, you quit before you even start.
Expectations don’t just influence destiny, they determine it.
What do you notice about the power of expectations?
This post is adapted from Leadership by Example: Be a role model who inspires greatness in others by Frank Sonnenberg.
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Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written 10 books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders.” Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers and was recently named one of the “Top Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world and one of the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.” Frank’s newest book, Leadership by Example: Be a role model who inspires greatness in others.
I’ve been hearing the term “manifesting” lately. Often it is just in a humorous sense, but I think it goes along with what you are talking about here. When you act a certain way or bring a certain energy into your day, you will often be open to seeing things play out that support that specific energy or ideal. If you are being negative, you’re more likely to see the negative and vice versa.
Hi Vern
I haven’t heard the term manifesting, but I agree with the sentiment.
We all compare ourselves to others. But the way that we compare ourselves varies wildly.
Are you constructive? Some folks say, “If they can do it, so can I.” They try to emulate the behavior of successful people.
Are you destructive? Other folks say, “Why them and not me?” They let anger and resentment get the better of them. Instead of looking for ways to build themselves up, they look for ways to tear others down.
Hello Vern, I totally agree with you. I have heard the term, “manifesting” in mindfulness, mental health and social emotional spaces. I also heard it in terms of the law of attraction. The danger in this however, can be that leaders can come off as inauthentic if they are always and only looking at the upside of things. In my work, I am a relentless optimist 😁. The key, I have learned, is to recognize how I feel, decide what I want to do with those thoughts and emotions and make my next move. More often than not, I land in the relentless optimist mindset because that is the space of curiosity and possibilities. I love this space and wish others feel the same around me. I manifest the world I wish to live in.
Some beliefs I have seen in people that are highly successful:
I can learn anything I need to learn.
It is best to extend trust first. Most people are good and deserve to be trusted.
It’s my responsibility to give back and help others.
Failures are valuable learning opportunities.
Honesty, integrity, and respect are the only way to live your life.
I will be able to figure this out and forge a way forward.
There’s plenty to go around for everyone.
No matter how challenging things get, I will be able to handle it.
I hold myself to a high standard.
If I help other people be successful it will lead to my own success.
I could add another dozen, but these are the themes I see over and over again in people who achieve great things in their lives.
Hi John
Your comment is right on the mark.
We are limited by our thoughts. While some of our thinking is constructive, other times it is detrimental, actively working against us. A poor choice or misjudgment is unintentional, while a poor attitude is a deliberate choice. Look at the bright side, see the good in people, challenge yourself, be grateful, believe in yourself, and have faith. Remember, ability determines if you can; attitude determines if you will.”
I remember telling my Father “That’s not fair” he proceeded to educate me on his life lessons about ” fair”! You learn to make the best of things the best you can! As time progressed we learn to make a win out of a lose by merely looking at what we did right, what’s needs practiced etc.
Still small steps become great leaps someday!
Hi Tim
Your father is very wise.
Do you get down on yourself if you don’t win first place, rank number one, or make it to the top? People place a lot of emphasis on winning. We see it in sports, test scores, and the level attained within an organization. Too often, people get disappointed if they don’t come out on top. Some folks are so hard on themselves that they consider themselves a failure if they come up short. That mindset creates stress and can take a significant toll on your self-image. The real question you should be asking yourself is, Am I doing my best?
Hi Frank,
So true, I remember being a JV Cross Countyry runner in 10th grade we had a quad meet and Dad said what place did you get? I gave him the number and he said ” you were an also ran”! I said well I was ahead of many others he said “yes there were that many ahead of you”! Bottom line work harder, by my Senior year I was top five. Which in Cross Country the top 5 score the meet. Surely was educational and humbling. More importantly thaught me the value of patience, persistence and pacing myself through life.
“Reland and push” was our Coaches motto! I have used that everyday in life when things get tough!
Good for you, Tim.
We can learn a lot about life though sports. The fact is, you don’t have to win first place to be a winner. If you did your best, you’re still a winner. Simply put, when you compete against yourself, you both win.