The Power to Say No
“Focus is about saying no.” – Steve Jobs
“You have to be good at saying no and picking the things that really matter.” – Warren Buffet
Where does the power to say no come from?
7 Comparisons:
- “Yes” expands your perspective. “No” sets you free.
- “Yes” expresses aspiration. “No” taps into meaning.
- “Yes” creates opportunity. “No” creates focus.
- “Yes” explores. “No” narrows.
- “Yes” increases learning. “No” reflects wisdom.
- “Yes” steps into risk. “No” sets boundaries.
- “Yes” requires energy. “No” protects energy.
Bonus: “Yes” goes wide. “No” enables you to go deep.
Freedom:
Every “yes” is an obligation. You end up overcommitted when you can’t say “no.” Examine yourself. Are you constantly late? Is there never enough time?
The freedom to turn down good opportunities comes from knowing who you are.
The person who knows who they are makes choices that narrow focus and expand fulfillment.
The power to say no comes from authenticity:
A person who doesn’t know who they are is gullible. Gullibility puts you in peril.
Authenticity protects you from manipulation. Bosses use ambition to manipulate people who don’t know who they are. The only thing that matters is getting ahead when you lose yourself to the opinion of others.
Your inner scorecard is more important than your outer scorecard. Focus less on what others think and more on what you think.
“It’s much better to aim low. I did not intend to get rich. I wanted to be independent. I just overshot.” Warren Buffet
Self-discovery:
#1. You learn who you are when you notice your energy. Authentic activities pull you forward, while inauthentic activities drag you down.
#2. You learn who you are when you monitor frustration. Recurring frustrations explain your values. Values show you what to do.
#3. You learn who you are when you practice humility. Humility is open and curious. Humility doesn’t seek to impress others.
Where does the power to say no come from?
Still curious about the power to say no:
The BIG YES Accelerates Leadership
The Ability to Say NO is the Power to do What Matters
The need to please others motivates some people to say yes–when they should be saying no. The question that need to be explored and examined is—- why am I so motivated to please others and not myself.
Thanks Paul. People pleasing leads to frantic living.
It feels important to add that the kind of self-pleasing you mention isn’t necessarily selfish.
Dan as a younger manager in an organization, I was advised I had to learn to say no or be overwhelmed with everyone else’s work. I learned to say no nicely and sometimes suggest someone else who could do the work or sometimes even volunteer to review their work. To misquote the famous Virginia Woolf, at times you need to kill your nicer tendencies to help to achieve your own best!
Brad
Thanks Brad. Your reference to younger managers is well placed. When we earn a promotion, sometimes we can’t let go our previous responsibilities. It’s a challenge to let go of one thing so we can fully commit to another.
When conducting leadership development training, I found the Big Five personality test to be a valuable tool in helping participants spot their tendency toward the trait of Agreeableness in domination of the other four. Many people are unaware of how being overly agreeable can scuttle their potential as a leader. Thanks for pointing this out in a helpful way.
Love that you brought up the Big Five. It’s been on my mind lately and your insight re: agreeableness and scuttling leadership potential brings me new clarity. Thank you.
PS… love the use of “scuttle” in your comment.
Dan
Would discernment be a factor here? The only challenge is discernment often is a result of experience and “spiritual centering.” These 2 items few make a discipline. Thus, the “yesman” cycle continues.
Just reflecting with you. Thank you for this post. You make me think, Dan.
AZ – Discernment is a wonderful aspect of saying no. You remind me that self-reflection is powerful. Discerning the reasons behind our decision to say no is necessary. Thanks for jumping in.
Sometimes we need to say no to the good, so we can say yes to the great.
Nicely said, John.