Get a Grip on the Power of Identity
When the grandchildren were little, I turned all the lights off and said, “Let’s play hide and seek with flash lights.” I’m the grandfather who rubbed growing powder on kids and they instantly grew about half an inch (.2 cm). I chose to be the whacky poppi.
Identity drives behavior:
We allow powerful people to interrupt and talk down to us. We expect authorities to provide answers and give directions.
When authoritative leaders ask questions, team members feel uncomfortable. They think, “You know what you want, just tell us.” They don’t want to give answers to the person who is designated as the answer person.
Self-perception drives self-expression:
The way you identify your role defines success. Parents feel responsible to provide. When your role is protector you become a control freak. When you identify as a leader who develops others you coach more and give direction less.
Choose your Identity:
I chose my poppi identity. We choose our leadership identity. You might choose to be an encouraging leader. That choice influences the nature of your interactions. You set yourself on a path when you choose to be a results-driven leader. You have a mental image of a leader who gets results and you conform your behaviors to that image.
Align the identity you choose with your personality, talents, abilities, and knowledge. Most importantly, align your identity with your vision of your best self.
Authentic leadership begins when identity drives behavior. Who you perceive yourself to be finds expression in what you do.
When you ask yourself, “What kind of leader do you aspire to become?” you’re asking a deeper question. “Who do you aspire to become?” Don’t simply be yourself. Become your best self.
What blocks people from becoming their best self?
How to we become authentic?
Still curious:
Self-Perception Determines How You Lead
4 Tools for Self-Reflection Every Leader Needs
Are you as surprised as I am in coming across the number of people in positions of responsibility who are not self-aware? Or who have a singularly self-centered aspect to their self-perception?
Becoming ourselves is harder than we think. It takes a lifetime. We’re on a continuum. People pleasers let others define them. (I’m a people pleaser. It took me a long time to see how I wasn’t being true to myself.)
Leaders need to please others too. It might be a board or a boss. It takes a while to learn how to bring ourselves to the world.
When I ask leaders about their self-reflection practice, they are like a cow looking at a new gate. It’s not on their radar.
There’s lots of opportunity for leaders to do more than learn new methods, strategies, and skills. How can we bring our best selves to work when we don’t even know who we are?
It’s surprising how many leaders lose themselves to a role, title, or job. But it’s easy to do.
This post hits so deep. I identify as a leader that develops others so that they can grow and have more successes. My team wants me to give them more direction, to the point sometimes that it seems like I would be micromanaging. They are competent. It’s been about trying to strike the right balance to enable the best interactions.
I hear you on that, Chey. There are several dynamics at work. Not only is their pressure to conform to the role which creates reluctance to step outside norms like nodding yes when the boss says something.
You also have reluctance to take responsibility. When you make the decision, you are responsible. When they make the decision more responsibility shifts to them. It’s normal to feel a little reluctant.
We often get an uneasy feeling when the boss delegates authority, what happens if things go haywire?
You might enjoy, “Turn the Ship Around,” by David Marquet. Subtitled, how to turn followers into leaders. https://amzn.to/446hsHW
Here’s a post I wrote about David, https://leadershipfreak.blog/2015/01/29/how-to-turn-passive-followers-into-active-leaders/ . Listen to the snippet of our conversation that’s on that post. It might be useful. Cheers.
I just finished “Turn the Ship Around” . . .which led me to “Start with Why” by Simon Sinek. I’ve always said if you show someone how, they’ll be able to do it but if you teach them why, they can embrace it and improve it. A sort of “give them a fish and they’ll have a meal or teach them to fish and they can feed themselves for life” scenario.
Rather than Amazon, I’m an avid public library user. If the book strikes a chord, then I’ll buy it.
Maybe I’m a control freak who thinks I am developing others…
Sobering thought. I wrote that to myself as much as anyone else.
Approach it from the other direction: When I retire, what do I want folks to remember about me? That is the identity you should be working towards, if you aren’t there already.
Wonderful approach, Jennfier. Like writing your obituary and living up to it.
“Align the identity you choose with your personality, talents, abilities, and knowledge. Most importantly, align your identity with your vision of your best self.”
Many years ago I realized how important it was to re-define my identity.
I grew up in Miami Florida and everyone there knew me as “Bear.” It was my high school nickname.
That identity followed me to college, where my identity was aligned with lots of drinking, partying, and not doing well in school. When I failed out and moved to another college, I changed my identity. My new identity was still being a fun person, but staying healthy, getting great grades, and setting myself up for my dream life. I graduated number four the United States in my major under the new identity.
When I made my first move to another city. I was very careful about how I positioned my identity. I simply chose what information to share and what information I thought was no longer important. Nobody in the town I live in calls me bear. They only know me as John Spence the business person. I now realize I can do that every time I meet somebody you. What I say and how I act projects the identity of what I would like to be known for and who I’m trying to become.
Fantastic post Dan!
Thanks for sharing your story, John. You remind me that who we are is more than our genes. We can make significant changes to who we become.
The other side of this is, be sure the things you say about yourself reflect genuine aspirations. I know they do with you, and I’m thrilled at our ongoing relationship.
You help me become who I aspire to be.