The Most Neglected and Misunderstood Tool of Leadership
Your most powerful tool of influence isn’t a strategy or technique. It’s a person.
Your most powerful tool of influence is you.
Brene’ Brown, author of, Daring Greatly, writes, “We must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen.”
Hiding behind position, title, and image weakens influence and dilutes relationships.
You don’t have to put your worst foot forward, but “best-foot leaders” give false impressions and create unrealistic expectations.
Frailty and failure:
Why hide the shaping influences on your life?
Begin your next team meeting by asking everyone to complete this sentence. “One of the things I learned from failure is….” (Answer it yourself, first.)
Healthy vulnerability strengthens connection and amplifies influence.
Advantages of letting yourself be seen:
#1. Growth. You grow and others develop when people see the real you.
Life’s most powerful lessons come to us through the vulnerability of others.
#2. Charm. Forward-facing vulnerability invites people to connect.
#3. Validation. Vulnerability is permission for others to be human.
#4. Challenge. Challenging yourself makes challenging others authentic.
#5. Humility. You develop humility when you take off your fake face and lead with your real foot.
#6. Confidence. People feel less like idiots when you share what you learned from screwing up.
#7. Friendship. You develop relationships with the “right” people when you let people see the real you.
7 ways to let yourself be seen:
- Declare beliefs.
- Share values and intentions.
- Expose motivations.
- Tell your story. (Life Story Exercise)
- Reveal lessons from mistakes.
- Discuss learnings. Say, “I hadn’t thought of that,” instead of pretending you knew all along.
- Share influences. What are you reading? Who are your mentors, coaches, and teachers?
Tip: Novices – with a growth mindset – exert powerful influence when they let themselves be seen.
The most neglected and misunderstood tool of leadership is letting yourself be seen.
What is healthy transparency and vulnerability? Unhealthy?
What have you learned from screwing up?
What have I learned from screwing up?
Defensiveness, excuse-making, and finger-pointing are expressions of ego, and these are sure-fire ways to lose trust.
Whereas, ownership, reflection, and discussion lead to learning. These are exercises in humility and vulnerability which build trust.
The same can be said for woulda, shoulda, coulda – what is done is done and rumination leads to stagnation.
The sooner you own it, the sooner you get back to establishing trust.
What have you learned from screwing up? Depending on circumstances can be financially costly, humbling embarrassment, those involved doubt your qualifications and surely will discredit you. Take action for you errors and fix them as soon as possible. “The sooner you own it”, is a big sword to swallow, the sooner you get back to trust as “Joseph mentioned above”.
More importantly as we step up to our mistakes those around you take notice and see the grit that your made of. Everyone has made mistakes how they chose to face them develops the character. Happy Friday…
One technique that works for me is to remind myself how much I struggled when I was first starting out. I then make a point of leading with that: “When I first started, I really struggled with certain things. What one thing are you currently struggling with that I might be able to help you understand better?”
“One of the things I learned from failure is” to actually allow it to be a teachable moment from which to grow. Then, I can own it, move forward, and, if appropriate, help teach others from the mistake. Time and experience have allowed me to see that the fear of failure can be worse than, or lead to, failure.
“What is healthy transparency and vulnerability? Unhealthy?” Healthy transparency comes from a place of focused intention to build trust. Unhealthy is when you use transparency as a time to “vent” or force your message on others. I believe lessons have different meanings and are fully understood at different times under various experiences.
Thank you for an insightful post.