Presence: 12 Signs You Aren’t Here
Crazy people are all there and never here.
“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” Abraham Maslow
Presence is paying attention to what’s in front of you. You are a gift to others, but you devalue others and yourself when you’re somewhere else.
You’re a by-stander in your own life when you live in the past or the future.
Presence: 12 signs you aren’t here:
It felt good when I answered, “Present,” during rollcall in elementary school. I’m here. But how do you know when you’re absent?
- Guilt, resentment, and regret point to living in the past.
- Worry, anxiety, and stress are symptoms of living in the future. (Typo corrected on 2/4/2023. Previous to correction the sentence ended with “present.” Thanks to readers for pointing this out.)
- Multitasking.
- Fixing people while they are talking.
- Judging. You can dislike something without judging it. Tomatoes aren’t bad even if you don’t like them on peanut butter sandwiches.
- Mind wandering.
- Racing thoughts at night.
- Needing to be liked. You can’t be present and need approval at the same time.
- The hoped-for life condemns this life. Don’t let aspiration insult perspiration. You never arrive. Keep working anyway.
- Gulping food.
- Everything is drudgery. Fun left the building.
- Avoiding. Anytime you avoid someone they control you.
The world that isn’t here:
A wandering mind lands in places that don’t exist. What might be doesn’t exist. What happened isn’t here. When you hang out in the world that isn’t here garbage clings to you, worry or regret for example.
Life stinks when you’re not in it.
“Remember then: there is only one time that is important—now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.” Leo Tolstoy
What lets you know you’re absent?
How are you learning to be present?
Multitasking Makes you Stupid: Single-Tasking is Smarter
9 Signs You’re Not Fully Present In Your Life
Excellent, Dan. It is so easy to find yourself thinking life will start when … fill in the blank. Life is now! Life is what really happens while too much of the time I’m waiting for some other life to start. I’m thankful we can train our brains and attention to be present; this can grow over our lives. Thinking in polarity: a healthy presence to where you are now and who is here now also knows the appropriate place of past and future, for ideas like rooted identity and vision.
Thanks, Dave. Your addition of appropriate place of past and future is valuable. The past is always with us. We never close the door on the past. We integrate it into the present.
This reminds me of a lyric from The Menzingers:
“Waiting for your life to start then you die
Was your heart beating in the first place?”
– how many of us are still waiting, wishing, only to find, too late, it’s over.
Sobering thoughts. Thanks, Pete.
Good morning, Dan. I agree with Dave that this is an excellent post. The line that stood out to me and one that I will ponder for some time is, “A wandering mind lands in places that don’t exist.” I have heard that all who wander are not lost – in the physical sense. If we lose ourselves worrying or regretting, we could get lost.
I can see a good side to wandering. Who knows what good might be discovered? Thanks for the good word, Lisa.
My thought exactly. Some of the best ideas came from a wandering mind. We don’t want to lose ourselves to a wandering mind but, for me, I find the excursions quite eye-opening.
Thanks Dan, Excellent thoughts and the phrase “crazy people are always there and never here” resonated with me as I often need to deal with people who are upset and focused on past wrongs rather than looking for solutions. Thanks for the guidance.
Our tendency to spend too much time in the past seems as destructive as it is pervasive. The difference between learning from the past and being controlled by it is the difference between living your life or polluting it.
Are worry, stress, and anxiety symptoms of living in the present, or the future?
Good question, Rosemarie. Emotions that respond to potential (future) consequences include worry, stress, and anxiety. When we think about things we have to do, but haven’t done, our emotions respond to things that have only happened in our mind. Even when we worry about something we did in the past we are worried about consequences that haven’t happened yet.
When we say to ourselves, “I’m worried I can’t handle this situation, we feel concern about imagined consequences of failure.
The pain we feel over a current failure isn’t worry. But concern that you might get fired for it is worry. Best to you.
Excellent reminder to “get” back into life!
Thank you, Dr. Melone.
This is great Dan! #2 on your list confuses me a bit. I understand “depression” as living in the past (a person cannot get over what has happened in their past), and “anxiety” as living in the future (a person is troubled by assumptions of bad things to come). If a person lives in the present, then they can avoid both of these.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I’m a huge fan of making small adjustments frequently, although I often look for big change. Looking for big change can be useful, but when the water is muddy, keep making small changes.
Love your insight about people who are close or distant from an issue.
Stress is more linked to past events, but sure Worry and Anxiety are caused by thinking of future events (that perhaps won’t happen).
Just to support your perspective Dan.
Buddha said, “Don’t live in the past do not worry of the future, concentrate your mind in the present moment”.
Good Post By The Way!
(I wanted to post a comment, I don’t know why it appeared as a Reply)
Worry, anxiety, and stress are symptoms of living in the present. Should this one say are NOT symptoms of living in the present? Just curious
I appreciate your perspective. I think worry, anxiety, and stress are felt in the present. But the reason we feel them is we are too much in the future.
Emotions that respond to potential (future) consequences include worry, stress, and anxiety. When we think about things we haven’t done, our emotions respond. But they are responding to an imagined world.
Even when we worry about something we did in the past we are worried about consequences that haven’t happened yet.
When we say to ourselves, “I’m worried I can’t handle this situation, we feel concern about imagined consequences of failure.
The pain we feel over a current failure isn’t worry. But concern that we might get fired for it is worry. Best to you. (at least that’s what I’m thinking today.
Worry, anxiety, and stress are symptoms of living in the present.- I’m pretty sure this is a Typo. Should say Future, not present.
Ha… I finally saw the typo in the post… After several people tried to help me.
I’m not sure if it’s a typo or not, but anxiety and worry say that you’re living in the future, not the present.
Yes indeed. I finally saw it and fixed it on #2 above.
Best article I have read on how to immediately improve one’s life in all their affairs! Thanks so much for posting!