The Key to Being a Good Mentor
Someone changed the course of your life. In reality you changed the course of your life, but someone was a catalyst.
Be a mentor; seek mentors.
The greatest opportunity on earth isn’t getting things done, it’s being a positive influence in another person’s life.
Bad mentors:
- Pressure people into conformity.
- Give instructions but not feedback.
- Expect you to be like them.
- Talk more than listen.
- Don’t understand what makes protégés tick.
The key to being a good mentor:
Sight
Aspirational people unintentionally hinder themselves. They work harder than they need to. They struggle with issues that don’t matter. They worry too much.
Experience gives mentors the able to see things mentees don’t see – things about themselves, their performance, and their interactions.
Self-sabotage
Protégés don’t see self-defeating behaviors, but good mentors do. A good mentor says, “You make decisions quickly. Sometimes that’s useful. But it makes you seem rash.”
When you see something a protégé doesn’t see, speak gently at first, but be prepared to confront resistance. Explain negative impact.
- You seem untrustworthy when you make snap decisions.
- It will be harder for you to earn a promotion if you don’t listen better.
- You’re causing yourself unnecessary stress when you do other people’s jobs for them.
- You demotivate your team when you don’t give them the big picture.
Self-interest
When you say, “People find it hard to trust you when you make snap decisions,” they won’t get it. Mentees think of themselves as trustworthy.
Appeal to self-interest. When they aspire to lead, say, “This will help you lead better.”
Real
Enhance your influence by being real. Tell stories of your self-defeating behaviors. Explain how you changed. When Michael Jordan says he was cut from his high school basketball team you like him more.
A good mentor has the gift of sight.
What do you look for in a mentor?
What are some skills of good mentors?
Still curious:
The Best Mentors Do These Six Things
Dear Dan: How Do You Find a Mentor
Rediscovering the Joy of Mentoring
The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership, helps readers see themselves more clearly. Check it out.
“The Vagrant is a great book! It teaches lessons in self-reflection, humility, leadership and more and how we can learn from ourselves if we just really look in the mirror and listen to others. My entire Leadership team took this book on as a group study.” Jill left this review on Amazon.
What do you look for in a mentor? They have achieve something that I want to achieve.
What are some skills of good mentors? Asks question that get underlying issues, good listener, makes specific suggestions, sees the big picture, open and upbeat.
Thanks Paul. One of the differences between a mentor and a coach is subject area expertise. Mentors have lived through things you are going to live through.
A good mentor asks you questions that you never thought about before.
The best mentor I ever had taught me to think about things in my work I never thought about, it challenged me to think outside the box.
Thanks SB. Thinking differently expands our world. So powerful.
A good mentor doesn’t do your job for you. A good mentor will ask you questions that help you to grow and learn:
* What do you see?
* What would you do different?
* Why do you think that happened?
* What made that work for you?
* How did you know what to do in this situation?
Thanks Tim. Love your questions. My two favorites are, “What would you do different,” and “What made that work for you?” Questions that help us reflect often help us expand.
Dan my favorite mentor concepts are:
-the mentee drives the bus, the mentor helps steer
-when the mentor learns something from the mentee the relationship is really working. I have learned a lot especially about technology!
Brad
Thanks Brad. Love the bus driver analogy. This is their bus and their destination. If the mentor is doing more work than the mentee, something is cattywampus.
I’m so glad you pointed out that even mentors need mentors! We never stop learning!
Thanks Amy. We’re start dying when we stop learning.