7 Marks of Mentors Who Change Lives
The mentors who changed my life chose me. I didn’t choose them. Don’t get me wrong. I’m constantly seeking mentors, but an unexpected knock at the door often has astonishing impact.
Your ability to appreciate wisdom is an acquired taste. Even now I am so full of myself that there’s little room for others.
Eventually you learn the first principle for gaining wisdom. You don’t have it.
7 marks of mentors who change lives:
- Watch for learners. Wisdom constantly learns. The first sign of understanding is humility. Fools believe they know when they don’t.
- Listen for surprises. Perceptive people seem wrong at first. You wonder what they’re talking about. When you’re a knucklehead wisdom is beyond you.
- Notice their influencers. A sage invites wise people into their life. Fools gather with fools.
- Watch them respond to correction. Delight or defensiveness? Defensiveness indicates congealed thinking.
- Seek listeners. Insight is precious to a person of wisdom. You see them listening, taking notes, and exploring ideas.
- Observe openness. A soft word hits a person with insight more than brute force impacts hardheads.
- Look for restraint. Wisdom is seldom distressed. A person who flaunts their knowledge isn’t a sage.
Mentors at the door:
When wisdom knocks, open the door.
Close your mouth when a wise person seems wrong. Insight seems stupid to novices and fools. For example, it took me years to recognize that leading was more about who you are than what you do.
A sage isn’t sagacious about everything, but in some areas, they’re superior to you. Don’t validate your stupidity. Don’t interrupt them.
When wisdom shows up it won’t pressure you to change. You may hear warnings. You will hear insights. But a sage doesn’t change anyone. We change ourselves. Fools resist change until pain opens their heart. Wisdom flows into change.
What do you notice about the people who changed your life?
Still curious:
The Key to Being a Good Mentor
The Best Mentors Do These Six Things
The 5 types of mentors you need in your life
How to Stumble Toward Wisdom and Find Success
What do you notice about the people who changed your life?
1. They were totally present when we interacted.
2. They asked challenging questions.
3. They simplified the complex.
4. They suggested stretch goals for me to pursue.
5. They had a clear set of beliefs and values.
6. They believed in me.
7. They were positive, optimistic, and loved life.
Hey, Paul. Love your list. I need to add it to the seven I listed above.
Paul — Your list ROCKS. Thanks for sharing it. I would offer to you about ‘asking challenging questions.’ For me, it is also knowing how to ask the right questions. Actually, the mentor becomes a coach when they speak. They mentor by their actions.
Paul, Wow! that’s good 🙂
Great post today!
Thanks, 88.
I really love this information. I’m going to use your quote, “when wisdom knocks open the door,” is a golden nugget. I am hungry for a mentor, and I am 62 years old. Some folks don’t respect that in my age group. It’s a gift for me when new colleagues seek my wisdom. Any suggestions on finding mentors when you are an older employee?
Thanks for chiming in today, Bridgey. I love that you are seeking to grow. My longest-term client retires in two years. He’s still working to be the best leader he can be until his last day on the job.
You might look to young people as mentors in selected areas. Perhaps if you invite others to mentor you, they might ask you to mentor them.
Mentor people without them knowing. Don’t make it formal. Have coffee and perhaps there’s an opportunity to share wisdom.
Don’t worry about people who aren’t interested.
Try the informal method with experienced mentors as well. I ask people with experience for coffee or a one-time conversation. I ask them what they’re glad they’ve done in life. Or, what would you do differently. Or, who influenced them. Or, what were some tipping points in their life.
Listen, thank them, and perhaps ask if you could have coffee again some time.
To summarize, I suggest an informal approach. Most people love to share their wisdom.
Best to you.
Fantastic post. A lot of wisdom here.
I’ve been seeking a mentor for many years, but it never turned out like I was hoping, so I just went out for coffee with people that I considered a mentor to me as well as people that I’m mentoring (not officially). However, this past month I was approached by an older gentlemen, whom I respect and look up to, asking if I’d be interested in meeting regularly for mentorship. Of course I agreed. Sometimes, with patience and waiting, the blessings come.
Thanks Dan.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Peter. Your comment reminded me that some people might be intimidated to ask someone if they would like to be mentored. It takes courage and vulnerability to ask.
Congratulations to you and respect to the person who approached you.
They eye opening statement here for me was “mentors chose me”. I realize that is true in many areas. There is one person who I really wanted to work with before she retired, and I was able to do so. However, the mentorship developed later. All of the others were simply very helpful people who wanted me to succeed. They wanted others to succeed as well, but I also believe I made it clear I wanted to learn. I believe I help others, but knowing that first statement makes me want to look more for those who want to grow around me.
Thanks, John. It’s rewarding to see your takeaway. Be active in seeking people to mentor. Yes, look for people who are eager to learn. I must say that I was not eager to learn when I was younger. I made it hard for people to help me. They tried, but it’s hard to help a know-it-all.