5 Questions Lower Self-Inflicted Stress
Join me tomorrow evening on zoom. More below.
Stress kills and brings you to life.
Stress makes you stupid and it makes you smart. It sharpens your focus before a board meeting and shuts down higher reasoning when the boss is in your face.
Stress is healthy and it makes you sick; it’s a matter of degree. “Eustress helps us stay motivated, work toward goals, and feel good about life.” Dr. Michael Genovese
Stress says you care about something. Sweaty palms before your performance review says you care about performance, promotions, and increased pay.
Pressure you put on yourself causes self-inflicted stress. Sometimes it’s unnecessary.
5 questions lower self-inflicted stress:
An employee spills a problem on your desk and you pressure yourself to solve it. Ask questions before rushing to solve.
#1. How long has this been going on?
Relax when it has been going on for years.
Don’t add imagined time pressure to problem solving conversations.
Lower self-inflicted stress by saying, “Well, this has been going on a long time. We probably won’t fix this one quickly.”
#2. How have you tried to fix this?
Teach people to be solution-finders. You aren’t the problem-solving-fairy.
If they’ve done nothing to solve their issue, they should acknowledge they want you to fix it for them.
#3. How can I help you resolve this?
Be a supporter not a savior on a white horse.
Self-inflicted stress crushes savior-leaders.
#4. If things were going perfectly, what would it look like?
Agree on a picture of better before pressuring yourself to solve problems.
#5. What could we do today to help make this situation better?
Watch your pronouns. If you plan to be involved, use “we”. If it’s your issue, use “I”. If it’s their monkey, use “you”.
Move problem-solving conversations from talking to behaviors.
Which of the above questions could you use today?
What other questions might lower self-inflicted stress when you’re confronted with complaints or problems?
How to Move from Stupid to Smart when You’re Stressed
25 Real World Ways to Lower Stress without Medication or Meditation
Join John David Mann and me on zoom tomorrow evening (Oct. 19) at 7 p.m. Eastern.
Email: TheVagrantBook@gmail.com for the ZOOM LINK.
Why join:
- Discover the story behind the birth of our new book, The Vagrant.
- Explore ways to use The Vagrant with your team.
- Discuss ways to avoid self-defeating behaviors.
- Q&A with the authors of The Vagrant.
- And who knows what else?
This useful conversation is open to you whether you purchased The Vagrant or not.
PS You must request the zoom invite by emailing TheVagrantBook@gmail.com. And Oct. 19 is my birthday.
Advance wishes. Happy Birthday Dan.
I will add one more thing: when does this REALLY need to be fixed? I will often (more times than I should, to be honest) stress myself trying to get something done by an artificial deadline (usually one I set). And then when I’m done, I realize that I put myself through all that stress for no reason. It’s particularly annoying when I stressed to get it done by lunch time and then I have nothing pressing on my plate in the afternoon.
I am not a surgeon, so no one is on the operating table. Meaning no one is going to die if the work takes me an extra hour. Just in the moment, it’s hard to remember that.
Two questions I like to ask:
1. Who owns the problem?
2. Is the problem correctly defined?