7 Tips to Succeed with Difficult Conversations
It’s stressful to host a crucial conversation. Not having it is worse.
Every day is dark when you delay difficult conversations, but most of us do.
It’s not caring to tolerate the unacceptable.
Timely action increases success and lowers stress.
Before difficult conversations:
- Aim for the best outcome. Know what you want. What does it look like if things go perfectly?
- Engage in negative thinking. Design a one sentence response for any bad incident. What will you do, for example, if someone starts yelling?
- Seek to advantage others.
- Document disappointments.
- Show up curious. Hold back your conclusions and judgements. Be certain you understand what’s happening. Assumptions are deadly.
Hosting difficult conversations:
One of my coaching clients shared his approach during a recent crucial conversation.
#1. Meet face-to-face. Don’t use email. Use a neutral place.
#2. Share the agenda before people show up. Reduce uncertainty.
#3. Include others. When someone’s supervisor or manager is involved, include them.
#4. Project minutes on a big screen. Let everyone see the situation in writing.
#5. Design a clear action plan. Be helpful and expect commitments.
#6. Explain consequences. “If we can’t resolve this our next steps are….”
“If we can’t resolve this the outcome is….”
#7. Set the follow-up meeting.
Conclusion:
Get your thoughts out of your head and down on paper. Your brain feels better when it sees you writing.
It’s okay to imagine the worse as long as you prepare for it. Negative imaginings defeat without positive action plans.
Choose to challenge and support.
Keep the goal in mind and stay flexible. It probably won’t go as planned.
People wait for the leaders to deal with painful situations.
What are the keys to success when leading crucial conversations?
Still curious:
6 Power Tips for Having a Tough Conversation
7 Tips for Difficult Conversations
Establish ground rules before the meeting.
–no yelling
–one person makes his/her points and the other person summaries–then the roles are reversed
Makes sense, Paul. Try to manage expectations. Thanks
Additional rules for the discussion:
–Don’t interrupt
–Show respect
–If people don’t follow the rules, the meeting will end
Thanks for jumping back in today, Paul. The “don’t interrupt” rule is powerful in any situation.
I believe that if you go into a crucial conversation with the mindset that everyone has good intentions and wants to do/be good, it will give a better perspective on how you should approach the crucial subject.
Thanks, SLH. Assume the best until there is clear evidence you’re dealing with a bad character.
This is spot on. I draft out all difficult conversations and will even role play sometimes. I don’t play out possible scenarios and think about responses so this is something I’ll add to my toolbox … along with the other suggestions. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, S. Role play is powerful. Hear yourself saying words. Sometimes you hear it and realize it’s stupid. Sometimes stupid sounds smart in your head. I appreciate your insights.
I’m currently reading crucial conversations, many of the points you highlighted are in the book. I think it’s important to remember we have control over our emotions and how we react to a situation.
Great book. I must be on the right track. Thanks for the reminder that we manage our own emotions. Don’t blame others.